bed, bath,
windows
and walls
drapery boutique
HURRY! BATH
SHOPPE SALE
ENDS 5-3-93
All lucite bath
accessories
"Swags and Tails"
custom draperies
specially priced
and installed
Complete price includes:
• Superb antique satin fabric, in your
choice of 100 colors.
• 118' wide seamless Batiste sheers
• Custom fullness and tailoring
• Swags and Tails; self lined, mounted
on board
• SIde draperies-lined-pinch pleated or
rod pocket design
• Tle backs with hidden holders
• White traverse and auxiliary rods
• Custom standard installation
• Decorator assistance and measuring
Fits a 4 ft.
windowiust ►
window
of
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r na."
Select from over 120 patterns • Free installation • No handling charges • Free freight
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'FREE INSTALLATION*
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SamPs
si es le & Patterns'
pric es
Disct.
.7;vr.
: 17 : 0 . mii a i t t:. ;3 3;
C-Curve Ribbed p.v.c.
Lyra fabric
Jona fabtic
f. 1 7,1:act an:1
ti
67%
50' x 36'
74" x 60"
85' x 84'
108' x 84'
45
41 :5 36 8
6 4 9:8
6 :
85
79..3058
1 0 71 . 4265
55.44
85.14
103.95
131.34
78%
49.50
72%
52.64
75% 61.25
88.88
114.18
145.20
89.04
115.36
146.44
94.00
120.75
158.25
ree Installation: Minimum comb ned order of $375 otter discount and before soles tax and reside within a 10 mile radius of any of our stores.
Receive on extra 5% savings If you do your own installation. Previous orders excluded. All vertical blind fabrcis subject to availability. Limited
to selected blinds. Otter expires May 3CD.1993
NOVI
NORTHVILLE
FARMINGTON
FARMINGTON HILLS
WEST BLOOMFIELD
BIRMINGHAM
TROY
BLOOMFIELD
ROCHESTER
CANTON
PLYMOUTH
LIVONIA
STERLING HTS.
WARREN
UTICA
Pepper Square
39253 Gd. River
At Haggerty Rd.
478-3133
Orchard Lk. -14 MI.Ctr.
30854 Orchard Lk. Rd.
S. al 14 MIN Rd.
Venus Reza
6046 Rochesier Rd.
At Sq. Lake Rd.
879-1010
Canton Comers
42775 Ford Rd.
At Utley
981-7400
CrossRoads gr.
37130 Van Dyke
At 16 Mile Rd.
795-1500
626-4313
some of her behavior. Brenda
then defends herself, and the
focus shifts from Allan to
Brenda.
What if next time Brenda
does not become defensive,
acknowledges the behavior,
but stays focused on Allan.
There is the risk that Allan
will become more critical in
the face of change. He may up
the ante to try to force her
back into the role of defend-
ing herself, a role which she
is trying to change.
Can Brenda maintain the
clarity of thinking in order
not to get sucked back into
the usual battle? Can she
withstand the anxiety creat-
ed by her fears and uncer-
tainties, and by Allan's
increased attacks?
Can Allan withstand the
anxiety created by a situation
which is different from the
one which is so familiar? Will
they know how to change
their roles? The unconscious
fear is that the other person
or the relationship is so frag-
ile that it will not be able to
withstand the stress of
change. This is rarely the
case.
One of the reasons most of
us like to be, or would like to
be, half of a "couple," is to
soothe the anxiety which
comes from our essential
aloneness. Adopting different
behaviors in a relationship
leaves us open to risk of crit-
icism, vulnerability, rejection
and ridicule.
It is a paradox: the behav-
ior that looks like it will lead
to greater separateness in a
relationship ultimately can
lead to more closeness and in-
timacy. Each partner has to —(
have a clear enough sense of
self, and of boundaries, to be
able to withstand the sepa-
rateness which comes from
expressing difference.
For this reason, Brenda
may say, "I tried to change,
but Allan just reacted the
way he always does. He was
so nasty, it just isn't worth
the effort. I can live with him
as it is, because I know what
to expect." However, if she
can tolerate the increased _ /
conflict and the accompany-
1
ing stressful feelings of the
moment, Allan may begin in
some small way to react dif-
ferently the next time. The
process of change will have
begun.
Most of us were raised with
the expectation of creating an
atmosphere of shalom bayit,
domestic peace. Though the
word shalom is translated
simply as peace, this is an in-
adequate understanding of
the concept of shalom.
The root of the word, shin,
lamed, mem, actually refers
to the concept of wholeness,
completeness. The underly-
ing message to us is that true
peace can only come if there
is a sense of wholeness, of in-
tegrity.
Peace does not mean being
silent about difference. It
means being able to express
our feelings no matter how
painful and difficult, in order
to engage in the process of
resolution. If we are willing
to risk becoming whole as in-
dividuals, true shalom bayit
can be established. ❑
(
COMMENTARY page 5
*SU
Custom Vertical Blinds P.V.C. & Fabric Designs
. 78 %
RELATIONSHIPS page 5
Fits a 5 ft.
•Larger sizes at similar savings
67% to
Commoilvifiews
Fashion With
Value Always!
db
save it from its elected lead-
ers, that to me seems intel-
lectually dishonest, at best.
I have always believed that
it is legitimate for American
Jews to voice their views
about Israeli issues because
a partnership, based on car-
ing, is a two-way street. It's
up to the Israelis, of course,
to decide whether or not to
accept or reject our advice for
exactly the reason that it is
their lives, not ours, on the
line.
Mr. Podhoretz and many
other caring Jews would
rather see the peace talks col-
lapse than have Israel make
territorial concessions. Then
American Jews could breathe
a sigh of relief while Israeli
families would go back to the
status quo of paying exorbi-
tant taxes to support a mas-
sive army, living in fear of
terrorist attacks and sending
their sons off to future wars.
It's an easy call for us, not
so simple for Israeli Jews. If
they feel Mr. Rabin is selling
them a bill of goods, they will
not hesitate to send him to a
retirement home. But it's up
to them to decide, and that
applies whether their leader
is from Likud or Labor.
I support the peace process
because most Israelis support
it. If and when they're will-
ing to take risks for the
prospect of peace, they will —
and not a moment before.
Yitzhak Rabin knows that,
and so should Norman Pod-
horetz.
❑
I
(