Gender Neutral

•

that my husband loves me,
that he didn't mean to hurt
me. And then, when I hear
about the same thing hap-
pening in another woman's
life, I say to myself, 'What
kind of fool is she? Can't she
see he's going to do it
again?"
Domestic abuse typically
is a cycle of mounting ag-
gression that erupts in vio-
lence. The episode is almost
always followed by a honey-
moon period, during which
the perpetrator begs the vic-
tim's forgiveness — until it
happens all over again.
Barbara Harris runs Tran-
sition Center, a battered
women's shelter in New York
City that offers kosher food.
She conducted a study, in
part based on Transition
Center clientele, and found
that domestic abuse occurs
in 18 to 22 percent of Jewish
households in America.
Locally, workers at JFS
encountered cases like
Rachel's and knew they had
to respond. Prior to 1987,
JFS focused its domestic vi-
olence programming on child
abuse. But they began to re-
alize that they could not ad-
dress the needs of abused'
children before helping their
mothers, who were often
abused as well.
So six years ago, JFS so-

14:
cial workers decided to take
a new approach to family
abuse counseling.
"It was clear that we need-
ed to meet the needs of the
mothers. Only then could the
mothers attend to their chil-
dren's needs," Mrs. Jaffa
says. "(Often) there is vio-
lence coming out from every
crack in the family, and if
you aren't dealing with all
the violence, then you real-
ly aren't dealing with what
the children are going
through."
JFS began the Child
Abuse Prevention Program,
largely funded by a private
endowment. CAPP had a
broader focus than previous
programs. It offered coun-
seling for sexual, spousal,
physical and sibling abuse.
The only type of abuse it did
not handle was senior abuse
— adults mistreating their
elderly parents.
Last September, CAPP
evolved into Windows, which
handles the same types of
cases. The Windows program
offers individual, family and
group therapy sessions.
Costs are based on what the
family can afford. In 1991,
JFS provided these services
to 244 people. JFS reports
the number has risen slight-
ly this year.
Windows also offers a

Women's Empowerment
Group, a Women's Incest
Survivor Group and a group
for men who were sexually
abused as children.
In the past, JFS offered a
group for children who have
been sexually abused or who
have experienced other trau-
mas. This soon will be offered
again. By summer's end, JFS
hopes to conduct a group for
male batterers.
Generally, five to 10 peo-
ple and two social workers
comprise the groups, which
meet once a week. Individual
counseling sessions can be
scheduled at locations clients
feel are most comfortable and
non-threatening — at the
JFS branch in West Bloom-
field, in their homes, even in
a parking lot.
But some social workers
say an odd phenomenon oc-
curs when Jews and mem-
bers of other tight-knit
communities seek help. They
often avoid their home-based
services. For instance, many
gentiles turn to JFS for help.
Jews, like Rachel, are too em-
barrassed to be seen at JFS,
so they join secular or Chris-
tain groups.
"I've talked to people who
are receiving treatment here
about what it's like to see a
cousin in the waiting room or
a neighbor walking down the

hall," says Perry Ohren, a
clinical social worker with
Windows. "It's definitely an
issue that gets talked about,
(but) it hasn't deterred them
from being here."
Sandra Jaffa says the
Windows program will make
Jews more comfortable in
seeking Jewish help by main-
taining strict standards of
confidentiality. Files con-
taining case records are
locked up. Social workers
never use names when dis-
cussing cases with anyone
but a supervisor.
"We've had all kinds of
people — people who are
very well-known in the com-
munity and those who aren't.
Our confidentiality is so
strict because we know the
Jewish community is small,"
she said. "But I find that once
people come, they get more
comfortable."
Sometimes therapy isn't
enough. When the perpetra-
tor shows no signs of ending
the cycle of abuse, victims
need somewhere to go. But
across the nation, only three
or four shelters exist specifi-
cally for battered Jewish
women.
JFS and the National
Council of Jewish Women
want to change that. The two
organizations have begun
working together on Safe
Place, which has been loose-
ly referred to as a "kosher
shelter for battered women."
NCJW is funding a one-
family, fully-furnished apart-
ment, equipped with Shab-
bat candlesticks and other
items for maintaining a
kosher Jewish home. The fa-
cility will be used for Jewish
mothers, with or without
children, seeking a safe place

SHALOM BAYIT page 40

Women are not the only
victims. Some Jewish men
also endure abuse — to say
nothing of children.
At an October seminar
on domestic violence, one
of three sponsored by B'nai
B'rith Women and other lo-
cal institutions, an orga-
nizer was pleased when a
group of men showed up to
voice concern about the is-
sue.
"They said that when
people talk about domestic
violence, they assume that
it only happens to women,"
said Elsa Silverman, an or-
ganizer of the event. "It
seemed very obvious to me
that these were men who
had been raised with an
abusive dynamic and they
were abused."
Surveys show that men
account for 1.5 to 2 percent
of the victims in domestic
abuse cases nationwide.
Some studies report 5 per-
cent.
Social workers note that
many adult men and
women who enter abusive
relationships were the tar-
gets of abuse as children.
They have come to expect
beatings and harsh, de-
meaning words. They
think it's normal, though
uncomfortable.

The Law

The most common charge
made in domestic violence
cases is assault and bat-
tery, a misdemeanor car-
rying a prison sentence of
up to 90 days.
In Michigan, police do
not have to witness do-
mestic assault and battery
to take the accused into
custody. The law autho-
rizes them to arrest an in-
dividual if they have
probable cause to believe
that the person is guilty.
Once police take people
into custody on charges of
domestic violence, the al-
leged perpetrators must be
held for at least 20 hours,
unless they see a judge
who lets them go on bond
or their own recognizance
before the 20 hours pass.
One Oak Park police of-
ficer said many wives and
female partners who file
complaints later ask the
judge to drop the charges.
Judges needn't comply.
In Lansing, the House of
Representatives is due to
vote this session on a pack-
age of bills that aim to
strengthen arrest, prose-
cution and conviction pro-
cedures.
"When you learn that
domestic violence cases
comprise 30 percent of
female homicides, you be-
come aware that it is a
serious crime," said Rep.
Sharon Gire, D-Clinton
Township.

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