Community Views

Editor's Notebook

Healing The World
Behind Her Handlebars

PHIL JACOBS MANAGING EDITOR
How tired are
we getting of
reading about
the tragedies
that our young
adults seem to
face? There are
drugs, AIDS,
date rape, com-
puter scams and everything
else out there. Unfortunate-
ly, for many, that's the sum
total of the definition of col-
lege-age people.

tzedakah challenge, riding
her bicycle some 3,600 miles
from Seattle to Washington,
D.C., as part of Bike-Aid, a
program that raises money
for the Overseas Development
Network, aiding worldwide
communities in need.
Ms. Erdstein will ride
about 70 miles daily from
June 13 through Aug. 20. The
trip will take her and several
other riders through small
towns with names like St.

A Visit
That Lasts

reaching out to the world."
The program, which is in
its 11th year, uses funds to es-
tablish self-help operations in
underpriveleged areas, in-
cluding communities of the
Appalachian region. One pro-
ject helped fund irrigation
wells for farmers in India.
While Ms. Erdstein is hop-
ing to help the communities
she is riding through, she also
needs some help. The riders
need $3,600 to defray costs of

I

Rachel Erdstein: Getting ready for the ride.

Let's change the story. How
about a 20-year-old woman
who spends her spare time as
a food-gatherers volunteer in
Ann Arbor? Or a youth hous-
ing coalition volunteer? Or a
worker in a program that
taught children how to bake
bread and in another program
that helped build and reno-
vate homes on Chicago's west
side?
What's Jewish about all of
this? Sometimes we get
caught in our own world too
much, forgetting that there is
a world out there that needs
us to help heal it.
That's what Rachel Erd-
stein understands. She is a
Huntington Woods resident
and student of sociology at the
University of Michigan Res-
idential College. The activi-
ties described above are all
volunteer efforts that she has
undertaken.
This summer, though, Ms.
Erdstein faces her biggest

Regis and Coole City, Mont.;
Fergus Falls, Minn.; Bow-
man, N.D.; Frostburg, Md.
There are also groups making
similar trips from Portland,
San Francisco, Los Angeles,
Brownsville, Tex., and Mon-
treal. Each group of approxi-
mately 20 riders will spend
time in several of the small
towns, helping out in the corn-
munity.
The riders also will be
trained in AIDS education
and will disseminate infor-
mation about the deadly dis-
ease.
During the trip, Ms. Erd-
stein also plans to seek out
Reform temples, and to at-
tempt to make contact with
small-town Jewish America.
"I'm very excited about
this," said Ms. Erdstein,
whose family is active at
Temple Emanu-El. "I think
the trip reflects a lot of what
Jewish values are all about,
doing tzedakah, mitzvot,

"We'll learn
about different
communities and
how they deal
with crisis."

the trip and to help the cause.
Riders are urged to raise $1
per mile. Should anyone feel
so inclined, checks can be
written to Bike-Aid and sent
to Rachel Erdstein, 900 Oak-
land, Ann Arbor, MI 48104.
"My major goal with this is
to raise money for the Over-
seas Development Network,"
she said. "But I also want to
learn about the United States
and other global issues. We'll
learn about different commu-
nities and how they deal with
crisis.
"And also...I just want to
finish the route." ❑

GARY ROSENBLATT EDITOR
Not long ago,
when I men-

tioned to a friend
that I was plan-
ning to make a
shiva call that
# 0, .
evening, he said
&
that he would
kk. t '
like to go, too, but
was apprehensive because he
had never been to a shiva house
before. He asked if he could go
with me so I could serve as a
kind of guide to the mysteries
of this ancient custom.
No one likes to make a shiva
call. It can be painfully sad and
awkward. But it can also be
emotionally rewarding, allow-
ing you to give comfort to a
friend, relative or colleague in
pain. Indeed, a visit to a family
during the traditional seven-
day mourning period can be
therapeutic for both the be-
reaved and the visitor. Unfor-
tunately there are
well-meaning people too intim-
idated by the notion of meeting
face to face with a mourner and
expressing sympathy.
Perhaps a few words about
the spiritual and psychological
importance of such a visit —
and a few practical tips — will
help remove the aura of fear for
some people and underscore the
beauty of Judaism's system of
comforting mourners.
Many people who truly care
about other's feelings will resist
reaching out at a time of death
in a friend or colleague's fami-
ly, noting that they don't want
to intrude at such a time. They
feel they are not close enough •
to call or visit. But I have nev-
er known of a mourner resent-
ing such a gesture. The truth is
that it is precisely at such a
time that a mourner wants the
human contact of friends and
colleagues. The Jewish custom
of shiva creates a framework for
allowing a community to bring
comfort to a bereaved family.
What can one say at such a
time? When I was a child ac-
companying my parents on shi-
va calls, they instructed me to
approach the mourners and
say, "I would like to express my
sincerest sympathies."
I had no idea what that
meant, but I always got a hug
of thanks. Over the years I
came to realize that it doesn't
matter what you say. It's your
presence that counts. Judaism
understood that human contact
is more important than words.
Our rabbis taught that the vis-
itor should take his lead from
the mourner rather than initi-
ate the conversation. If the
mourner wants to talk about
his loved one, it is appropriate
to listen and add one's own
memories, if you have any. If
the mourner talks of other sub-

jects, follow his lead, and per-
haps make mention of the de-
ceased, giving the mourner
an opportunity to talk about
his loved one.
I once saw a well-known
Rosh Yeshiva sit down at a
shiva house and not say a
word during his 15-minute
visit. Perhaps he had no
words of consolation to offer
or personal memory to share,
but he was fulfilling the mitz-
vah nonetheless.
Before leaving the shiva
house, one should approach
the mourner and recite the
traditional phrase of comfort
prescribed by our rabbis, so
we don't have to grope for our
own inadequate words: "May
you be comforted among the
mourners of Zion and
Jerusalem." Many people add
a hope that the mourner
know no more sadness and
have only simchas in the fu-
ture.

A shiva call can
be emotionally
rewarding.

Each shiva house is differ-
ent, each has its own aura,
depending on the circum-
stances of death as well as the
personalities of the family
members. There are homes
where, after an older person
has died after a long illness,
there is a mood of relief and
acceptance. By contrast,
when the death was sudden
or particularly tragic, there
is an air of raw emotion in the
house.
I once made a shiva call
where I felt I was arriving at
a party. There was valet
parking and there were wait-
ers in tuxedos serving drinks
and snacks to the many
guests standing in small clus-
ters.
I have also made visits to
homes where there was con-
stant wailing and there were
inconsolable mourners bare-
ly able to speak. Though the
air was thick with sadness
and grief, I felt more helpful
simply being there, making
my presence felt, than mak-
ing light banter at "the cock-
tail party" shiva house.
Shiva, and mourning, are
not topics we prefer to dwell
on. But they area part of life,
and rather than focusing on
your own awkwardness or
discomfort, think about how
you help someone in pain by
simply being there. No other
mitzvah can say so much
with words unspoken. No
other mitzvah can bridge the
gap between immediate fam-
ily and extended community. ❑