Miracle Mission Gets One Plane

Itibigate: Move Over;
More Scandals
Hit Israel

A

Former Israeli prime minister Yitzhak Shamir is currently dating
himself, though historians say this is nothing new. "He's been dating
himself for years," one professor said.

El Al Airlines
notified the
Michigan Miracle
Mission that it
intends to stuff, er
seat, all 1,300
participants on one
of its jets instead of
the earlier
announced three.
"Don't worry,
we're just going to
add another five sets
to each row," said El
Al spokesman Notzo
Rumi. "There will be
plenty of space.
We're just going to
have to use our
synchronized eating
method during
meals and plan bathroom breaks accordingly."
• • • BULLETIN • • •
Federation announced that it will open the Mission to all of
Detroit and is expecting another 5,000 people for the trip. An El Al
spokesman said the airline plans to add another three seats per
aisle.

Jesse Jackson
Heads ZOA

Former Israeli president Yitzhak Navon is reportedly deeply in
love with Linda the . Lion, who maintains an apartment at the
Biblical Zoo.

Usually dour Prime Minister Rabin was seen leaving a Chinese
kosher restaurant in Jerusalem last week with a female
companion. His relationship with the woman was the subject
of speculation after he asked rabbinic authorities to tackle the
halachic question of Who Is A Geisha?

New Wedding
Photo Policy

The Jewish News unveiled
its new policy regarding
intermarriage photographs.
Happy couples not only need
to be married by a rabbi but
they also must dress up as
Kermit and Miss Piggy for
their photograph to run. Of
course, if the non-Jewish
clergy is dressed as Big Bird,
we'll run the photo. If the
couple chooses a co-officiated
wedding with a rabbi and a
minister, Bert and Ernie
costumes will do.

Washington — Rev.
Jesse Jackson was
elected president of the
Zionist Organization of
America today and
immediately
announced plans to
enter rabbinical school
and give up chitlins for
cholent. But skeptical
Jewish leaders say
these developments do
not diminish their
concern about Rev.
Jackson's sincerity.
"It's all well and good
that today he's talking
about making aliyah,
studying Talmud and
joining the Israeli
army," said Rabbi
Jeffrey Pullet of the
Jewish Jesse Watchers
Association, "but how
do we know that in 20
or 30 years he might
not decide to leave
Jerusalem and become
just another former
Israeli looking to teach
Hebrew School in the
ORI{
States — and Lord
knows we have enough of them."
Friends of Rev. Jackson say
that after speaking at a number
of Jewish events in recent months
about how wonderful Jews are, he
was so taken with his own fervent
rhetoric that he came to believe
what he was saying.

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