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Your search will end here. 828 North Main, Downtown Rochester (313) 652-1080 Sarah. "It's good that I'm not replacing her family. I gave birth to her. I can't fix anything that was done after. She has to accept that." "The fact that Cheryl was looking for her birth mother does not mean she was looking for another mother," says Mrs. Krystal. "It's a healthy process. It doesn't mean you're dis- satisfied with your adop- tive parents." Ms. Servetter, her birth mother and family form two sides of an adoption relationship experts call the triad. The third side belongs to the adoptive parents and family. They are not unaffected by a search and reunion. The desire for an adop- tive child to find his or her birth parents often puts the adoptive family in the middle — wanting to support the child's wishes and worried the outcome could be hurtful and fearful of what impact the new person would have on existing relationships. Ms. Servetter's moth- er, Miriam, recalls that her daughter had some anger and frustration to work through and would occasionally act out that frustration within their relationship. "I can understand that. It's a (perceived) rejection at birth." "I think we were both very supportive of her," says her father, Cy Servetter. "I think we were pretty secure. We knew this was important to her and she had to pursue it." Cheryl's parents even went to local Adoption Identity Movement meet- ings with her to support her and better under- stand her motivation. "I went through some really rough times. I was as open with Cheryl as I could possibly be, because at that time, Cheryl was really being ripped apart," says Mrs. Servetter. "Mothers and daughters go through a period where they have little or no communica- tion. My daughter and I went through the same period. Plus, we always had the biological moth- er, who was always there (in the background). "Cheryl may not real- ize it, but I realize it — a lot of her acting out was the acting out that she couldn't give to this woman. "When she found her and she was seeing her for the first time, we went to lunch and I said to her, `Cheryl, I must tell you this; I am very happy you found her. I'm-' happy for you, but I have to tell you, I am very jealous because you are going to this woman who has had nothing to do with raising you, being with you when you were ill, going through the emotional and growing up periods, and you are going to be friends. And this is what I have "I think we were pretty secure. We knew this was important to her and she had to pursue it." — Cy Servetter always wanted with you, a mother-daughter friendship.' "For about a year it was terrible. She was running back and forth (to see Sarah) all the time. She was testing, \I every which way but, loose, testing." In spite of the turmoil, Mrs. Servetter was never concerned about losing her daughter. "I was very secure in her love." In fact, Mrs. Servetter says she has a stronger relationship with Cheryl than ever before. She has watched her daugh- ter grow from the reunion experience. And with some reflection, she says she has also benefit- ed, resolving some of her own ambivalence over Cheryl's developing rela- r \ tionship with her birth mother. As happy as she was for Cheryl to find and make peace with her