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Sarah. "It's good that
I'm not replacing her
family. I gave birth to
her. I can't fix anything
that was done after. She
has to accept that."
"The fact that Cheryl
was looking for her birth
mother does not mean
she was looking for
another mother," says
Mrs. Krystal. "It's a
healthy process. It
doesn't mean you're dis-
satisfied with your adop-
tive parents."
Ms. Servetter, her
birth mother and family
form two sides of an
adoption relationship
experts call the triad.
The third side belongs to
the adoptive parents and
family. They are not
unaffected by a search
and reunion.
The desire for an adop-
tive child to find his or
her birth parents often
puts the adoptive family
in the middle — wanting
to support the child's
wishes and worried the
outcome could be hurtful
and fearful of what
impact the new person
would have on existing
relationships.
Ms. Servetter's moth-
er, Miriam, recalls that
her daughter had some
anger and frustration to
work through and would
occasionally act out that
frustration within their
relationship. "I can
understand that. It's a
(perceived) rejection at
birth."
"I think we were both
very supportive of her,"
says her father, Cy
Servetter.
"I think we were pretty
secure. We knew this
was important to her and
she had to pursue it."
Cheryl's parents even
went to local Adoption
Identity Movement meet-
ings with her to support
her and better under-
stand her motivation.
"I went through some
really rough times. I
was as open with Cheryl
as I could possibly be,
because at that time,
Cheryl was really being
ripped apart," says Mrs.
Servetter. "Mothers and
daughters go through a
period where they have
little or no communica-
tion. My daughter and I
went through the same
period. Plus, we always
had the biological moth-
er, who was always there
(in the background).
"Cheryl may not real-
ize it, but I realize it — a
lot of her acting out was
the acting out that she
couldn't give to this
woman. "When she
found her and she was
seeing her for the first
time, we went to lunch
and I said to her,
`Cheryl, I must tell you
this; I am very happy
you found her. I'm-'
happy for you, but I have
to tell you, I am very
jealous because you are
going to this woman who
has had nothing to do
with raising you, being
with you when you were
ill, going through the
emotional and growing
up periods, and you are
going to be friends. And
this is what I have
"I think we were
pretty secure. We
knew this was
important to her
and she had to
pursue it."
—
Cy Servetter
always wanted with you,
a mother-daughter
friendship.'
"For about a year it
was terrible. She was
running back and forth
(to see Sarah) all the
time. She was testing, \I
every which way but,
loose, testing."
In spite of the turmoil,
Mrs. Servetter was never
concerned about losing
her daughter. "I was
very secure in her love."
In fact, Mrs. Servetter
says she has a stronger
relationship with Cheryl
than ever before. She
has watched her daugh-
ter grow from the
reunion experience. And
with some reflection, she
says she has also benefit-
ed, resolving some of her
own ambivalence over
Cheryl's developing rela- r \
tionship with her birth
mother.
As happy as she was
for Cheryl to find and
make peace with her