said she would and I was
;shocked," says Ms.
Servetter. "I think that
>was the one question I
was so afraid to ask
because everyone would
just say no."
First, Mrs. Krystal
needed to know why Ms.
Servetter wanted a
reunion. "When I saw
Cheryl, I tried to find out
where she was in her
life. Is this a destructive
; thing? Was it just hap-
hazard? What was going
>.on now that she needed
to have the information?
"There is a part of an
adoptee's life that is a
blank. And I feel that,
as much as I am able to,
that I will fill in that
blank. People need to
know where they came
from, who they are and
what their roots are."
Once Mrs. Krystal was
satisfied that Ms.
Servetter was sincere
and her motivations
were healthy, she had
her fill out special
reunion release forms.
Then the social worker
got down to business.
Mrs. Krystal had
access to the birth moth-
er's name. Armed with
that, she turned to the
local telephone book for
numbers. She do-si-do'd
through a series of phone
calls from the birth
mother's relatives until
she got a region and a
married name. With
some thought and lucky
guessing, she made a
stab in the dark and hit
the mark.
Mrs. Krystal empha-
sizes it's not always that
clean and easy. "I made
a few calls, picked a few
choice cities and, making
some educated guesses,
found Cheryl's birth
mother. And it worked.
I just can't sit down and
do that for every
adoptee. If they want a
search I will make a
minimal effort, like I did
here and I got a name.
On some of them, there's
nobody I can contact."
Not all birth mothers
want a reunion and it
had to be handled deli-
cately. In fact, the
Adoption Identity Move-
ment recommends that
an intermediary make
the initial contact be-

\--

cause of the potential
upheaval such a contact
can cause. A birth moth-
er's feelings long buried
— guilt, wondering, fear
of what her current fami-
ly would think — bubble
to the surface. The
phone call from Esther
Krystal sent Sarah on a
roller coaster of emotion.

"It's not always
that clean and
easy."

— Esther Krystal

As Mrs. Krystal re-
calls, Sarah began to cry.
She said that she never
forgot Cheryl, but she
was worried. Her hus-
band knew, but her five
other children didn't.
And she didn't know
what to do.
"I never had the feel-
ing that I always knew
this would happen," says
Sarah. "I was crying on
and off for three weeks.
It was such a big secret.
How could I tell my kids?
He (my husband) said,
`You can't reject
(Cheryl).' " After agoniz-
ing, talking it out with
her husband and doing
some research on adop-
tion reunion, Sarah
called Mrs. Krystal back
and agreed to have con-
tact with Cheryl.
Since Sarah still had
to sign the appropriate
papers, the first contacts
were letters and photos
sent through Mrs.
Krystal, who had warned
both of them not to send
any identifying informa-
tion — no first or last
names, cities or other
details that would give
away either one's identi-
ty.
"Dear Birth Daughter"
is how Sarah's first cen-
sored letter began when
it finally arrived. "This
is the second most diffi-
cult thing I've ever had
to do. The first was giv-
ing you up for someone
else to raise. We can
never go backwards. We
can only go forward."
"I read it and I cried,"
says Ms. Servetter. The
letter explained every-
thing: an unplanned
teen-age pregnancy, the
home for unwed mothers,

the adoption, the trau-
ma.
Once both birth moth-
er and daughter signed
the appropriate release
forms, Mrs. Krystal once
again ran interference,
acting on Ms. Servetter's
request to talk directly
to Sarah. Sarah agreed.
"I was so excited, my
heart was pounding,"
says Ms. Servetter. "The
phone rang and I picked
it up. She said, 'Cheryl?'
`Yes?' Do you know who
this is?' Sarah?' It was
a very weird phone call.
(At first) it was like both
of us were walking on
eggshells. Neither of us
cried. We just talked."
That conversation lasted
almost two hours.
As birth mother and
daughter became more
comfortable with one
another, it was decided
they should meet. Ms.
Servetter flew to Sarah's
city for the reunion.
Nervous, tense, wrest-
ling to keep emotions
under control. They met
face-to-face for the first
time as adults. Birth
mother and daughter
stared, said nothing and
then embraced.

Ms. Servetter also
found herself warmly
accepted by Sarah's fam-
ily. At that first en-
counter, they made small
talk and studied each
other. Sarah recalls the
first meeting as "over-
whelming."
"By the second day, it
was like we'd known
each other a long time,"
says Ms. Servetter. They
talked at length and
shared their life stories.
And as they studied
each other, they found
physical and personal
similarities. "I would say
something in a certain
tone of voice and one of
her kids would say, 'Oh,
you sound just like my
mother.' "
After that initial
encounter, Ms. Servetter
has visited her birth
mother and family sever-
al times. She is still try-
ing to put these new
relationships into per-
spective.
It was a watershed
experience for Ms.
Servetter, and for Sarah,
who admits she was
forced to come to terms
with a traumatic event
in her past.

"After I got over the
initial anger (over giving
up the baby), I never
spoke out loud about it to
anyone. No one ever
talked about it. It was
like it never happened.
"I wondered about her,
yes, but I never tried to
find her. I still felt that
I did the right thing.
"It was real difficult
when I got the phone
call," says Sarah. She
knew she had to tell her
children. "I took them
all in a room and said
have something to tell
you.' They thought
somebody had died.
When I told my daugh-
ters, they responded,
`Oh, is that all?' Then
they got excited, with
questions coming all at
once.
"I told a few friends. It
was real hard to talk
about this, but it was
good for me, like thera-
py. Something in my life
came out in the open."
Sarah says a bond has
formed, but she isn't Ms.
Servetter's 'mother' and
Ms. Servetter agrees.
"I'm happy for her that
her quest has ended. I'm
excited for her," says

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