Opinion
Community Views
djusting To Gay Soldiers
In The Armed Forces
Born Jews, New Jews
Stand As Equals
LEONARD FEIN SPECIAL TO THE JEWISH NEWS
Sam Nunn
and Bob Dole
are among those
who want the
U.S. military's
policy toward
gays to stay the
way it is, al-
though both of
them have observed that the
dispute may be "a genera-
tional thing."
One of the burdens that
oes with being in a position
of political responsibility is
hat pleading "a generational
thing" doesn't get you off the
hook. Many of us, torn be-
tween our gut reactions and
our considered views, may
*sh the question of gays in
the military would go away,
may turn away from it. But if
you're a United States sena-
tor, you can't. You have to
deal with it, and "the genera-
tional thing" is an inadequate
throwaway line.
The generational thing:
- Thirty years ago, John Salo-
ma III was my co-neophyte
colleague in the political sci-
ence department at the
Massachusetts Institute of
Technology. Our careers
moved along pretty much in
tandem for seven years, and,
moil ■•■■
while we never became
friends, we were friendly
enough so that once or twice
a year, my wife and I would
have Jack to dinner, and once
or twice a year, he'd recipro-
cate. Jack was a bachelor, and
often, his sister was the host-
ess for our evenings in his
home.
We lost touch completely
after I moved on to Brandeis
and he, I know not where.
And then, half a dozen years
or so ago, I learned from the
obit page of the New York
Times that Jack had died. Of
AIDS.
Thirty years ago, it simply
never entered our conscious-
ness that Jack might be gay.
Nor, plainly, did it enter his
to let us know. Back then, the
closet door was locked on the
Leonard Fein is a writer who
lives in Boston.
inside and camouflaged on
the outside.
For all practical purposes,
we had zero awareness of it.
And then, 17 or 18 years ago,
the American Psychiatric As-
sociation, perhaps anticipat-
ing later physiological
evidence, declared that ho-
mosexuality was not a "devi-
ation" (that, at least, is how I
now recall their terminology).
I was editor of Moment mag-
azine at the time, and at a
staff meeting, I observed that
we'd do well to run an article
on this controversial pro-
nouncement, which I thought
counter-intuitive.
"Look," I remember argu-
ing, "if my children were to
announce to me that they're
gay, my instinctive response
would be to propose that they
get help."
The next day, one of the
participants in that staff
meeting came to see me. "I
have to resign," he said. "How
would you feel if you learned
that the person you were
working for thinks Judaism a
perversion?"
My confusion must have
been apparent on my face,
since he went on to explain
that he was gay, a fact he'd
until then never shared with
anyone outside the gay corn-
munity. I replied that if, to
take his hypothetical, my boss
were a person I respected, I
might say to him, "Gee, for a
RABBI AMY B. BIGMAN SPECIAL TO THE JEWISH NEWS
smart fellow you sure can be
stupid."
And then I asked him to
help me understand what it
means to be gay, which
sounds, perhaps, a bit more
noble than it was. I wanted
merely to make this young
and obviously troubled per-
son a bit more comfortable; I
was, at the same time, con-
vinced that I would not be
able to overcome my own dis-
comfort and continue work-
ing with him.
He talked; I listened; I
soothed; he stayed, and it took
all of a day or two before his
gayness became utterly irrel-
evant to our relationship.
Confronted with "the genera-
tional thing," when that thing
profoundly affects the lives of
other people, one is obliged to
make the effort to bridge the
gap.
If you know, as Sens.
Nunn and Dole appear to
know, that the day will come
when society will "be ready"
to accept gays into the mili-
tary, and if you know that the
current policy is a cruel bur-
den on some millions of peo-
ple, then you're obliged to
take a deep breath and help
make that day come sooner
than it otherwise would.
Much sooner. General Colin
Powell, at least, should un-
derstand that.
There are those who say
GAY SOLDIERS page 8
On the first
night of Chanu-
kah, NBC pre-
sented a very
enlightening
episode of its
weekly series
"Sisters." The
%kb- series revolves
around the lives of four sis-
ters, their relationships to
each other and to their re-
spective families. Through
the advanced technology of
my new-found friend, the
VCR, I was recently able to
view the Chanukah episode
entitled "Teach Your Chil-
dren Well."
The story centered around
the experiences of the
youngest sister, Frankie, and
her husband, Mitch. It begins
with Frankie and Mitch
walking down the street, dis-
cussing preparations for
Frankie's first Chanukah din-
ner following her recent con-
version to Judaism. (She
plans to make an authentic
Chanukah dinner to be
shared by her sisters and
their families.) As Mitch and
Frankie approach the door to
their fish store, they are dis-
tressed to find swastikas and
the words "dirty Jew" paint-
ed on the store windows.
Mitch reacts to this inci-
dent in an almost nonchalant
way. Mitch is determined to
go on with his day, as usual:
"That's the way of the world
... [But] we're not going to
run away. We're gonna go
about our business and show
them we're not afraid or
ashamed of who we are."
With this, he places their
chanukiah in a prominent po-
sition in the store window.
Since this is Frankie's first
such experience, she is more
disturbed by the incident and
organizes a meeting at their
synagogue with the hopes of
forming a neighborhood
watch.
At the meeting, Frankie
expresses her amazement
and alarm that people could
hate others whom they do not
even know merely because
they are Jewish. An older
gentleman responds to the
feelings Frankie expressed,
stating: "Sweetheart, you
shouldn't take this the wrong
way, but I'm not so sure this
is your battle ... [You]
couldn't possibly understand
... it's different to be a Jew all
of your life than to have be-
come a Jew last week."
That statement sent chills
down my spine, angering me
more than words can de-
scribe. I had always been
taught - and now I teach oth-
ers - that born-Jews and
Jews-by-choice are equals.
Both are full-fledged mem-
bers, members in good
standing, of the Jewish peo-
ple. To divide us into cate-
gories - making born-Jews
the better, "more equal"
members - is hurtful and
detrimental to our commu-
nity.
Is an adopted child any
less a member of the fami-
ly than are the parents' bi-
ological children? No! Is the
child any less loved simply
because the mother did not
physically give birth to him
or her? No! Jews-by-choice
have consciously and con-
scientiously adopted the
Jewish people as their own.
They have done the adopt-
ing; we must do the ac-
cepting. After much study
and struggle, these people
have chosen to join the
family. They are Jews. How
can those of us who are "bi-
ological Jews" (Jews-by-
birth) turn away from the
newest members of our
family? It is incumbent
upon us to welcome them
to the family, doing all that
we can to make them feel
comfortable, wanted and
loved.
Perhaps Frankie said it
best when she responded to
the man at the synagogue:
"You know, we're sitting
here tonight trying to pro-
tect ourselves against peo-
ple who are looking to
make ugly distinctions,
people who say 'you are dif-
ferent from me' - please,
let's not say the same thing
to each other!" Please, let's
welcome all Jews into our
community with open arms
and warm, loving hearts. ❑
Rabbi Bigman, of Temple
Emanu-El, is a board
member of the Ecumenical
Institute for Jewish-
Christian studies.
CY,
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