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CAPTURING YOUR FINEST MOMENTS
FOR 37 YEARS
26571 W. TWELVE MILE RD. AT NORTHWESTERN HWY.
(continued from page 20)
ing the first year of marriage, says Dr. Shirley
Glass, a Maryland psychologist and marital
therapist "You have a period of romanticism
and idealization, where you thought you
found the perfect person. But during the first
year, you start to realize that this person has
some habits that irritate you."
UST ASK ONE COUPLE WHO MAR-
ried four years ago. She and her fiance
lived together happily for a year before their
wedding. But once they said "I do," things
changed. "Before, there was some freedom,"
says the wife, now 36. "You felt that if things
got really bad, you could leave. But now, all
of a sudden, its like, 'God, I hate the wet tow-
els on the bed."
One of the wife's biggest gripes about her
spouse— apart from the wet towels— was
his lack of romance. She often found herself
wishing that her husband would send flow-
ers and tell her that he loved her more fre-
quently. "I felt that now that we were married,
he didn't love me anymore," she says. Even-
tually, she learned to tell her husband that
she needed him to call her a pet name, or to
hold her hand when they went out to the
movies. "I've found that I can drive the point
home to him, and that he'll think more about
doing things that are really nice."
Realizing that your partner cannot read
your mind is another revelation that often ar-
rives in the first year of marriage, according
to Glass. It can be threatening and scary for
newlyweds. 'There's a feeling that if you don't
agree with me you don't understand me, and
we're not meant for each other. We tend to
think that you should know exactly the way
I feel and know what I want without me telling
you, and that if I tell you it doesn't count" But
those attitudes are dysfunctional, she says.
"There's no way that two people can always
have the same opinion about something. Even
though you may have found your soulmate,
you haven't found your clone." Rather than
resenting the fact that you have to express
your needs to your partner, see it as an op-
portunity to become more assertive, she adds.
Cathi, a 27-year-old office manager, as-
serted her will after she got frustrated with
her new husband's lack of initiative. She
thought her spouse would share her goal to
work hard so they could earn enough mon-
ey to move out of her parents' house. But her
husband, an independent home contractor,
didn't push himself the way she thought he
(continued on page 34)
•JANUARY/FEBRUARY 1993 • STYLE