Single Lilo

Singles Series
(=Explores Dating Rules

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LESLEY PEARL STAFF WRITER

itting around tables
at Birmingham's
Community House
Jan. 19, more than
100 Jewish singles at-
\, tempted to decipher the
I new rules of dating in the
1990s.
The American Jewish
/-Committee's Odyssey
series presented its fourth
program on "Dating in
1993: The Game's the
Same But the Rules Have
Changed." The Odyssey
series aims to address
issues of interest to sin-
gles 30 years and older.
Bernetta (Bunny)
Miller-Shaw and Melvin
Shaw of Associates of
Birmingham addressed
the topic of the ever-
changing dating scene.
Rob Levy of Image One
Associates acted as moder-
ator — throwing in ques-
tions and glimpses of his
life when the discussion
slowed.
Dr. Miller-Shaw, a
social worker, said the
\--rules of dating have
r-changed as societal morals
altered. People no longer

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People no longer
wait until
marriage
for sex.

Bunny Miller -Shaw

wait until marriage for
sex.
"When Mel and I were
dating in the 1940s and
50s, the idea of an unmar-
ried woman in her 20s was
unacceptable," Dr. Miller-
Shaw said. "Two things
are different now. We live
longer. And it's perfectly
acceptable to have sex
before marriage now.
When we were dating that
wasn't the case. There
were no good forms of
birth control and abortion
was neither safe nor legal.
Pregnancy was feared."
Because individuals now
put off marriage and chil-
dren until an older age,
Dr. Miller-Shaw said peo-
ple have more expecta-
tions of others and them-
selves in relationships.
"The reality is I see a lot
of depression in single

people. With so many
expectations, there is
going to be many more
disappointments," Dr.
Miller-Shaw said.
As different as the dat-
ing world may seem to a
divorcee following a 20-
year marriage, Dr. Shaw
believes three basic com-
ponents have not changed
at the core of successful
relationships.
"Commitment, -intimacy
and passion explain most
relationships," Dr. Shaw
said.
Prior to Dr. Shaw and
Dr. Miller-Shaw's presen-
tation, the audience
formed some conclusions
of their own.
Each table of 10 was
given a question to dis-
cuss, ranging from the
best place to meet some-
one to how to talk about
protection in regard to sex

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with a date.

Among the best places
to meet were work, the
gym, the grocery store,
participating in activities
you enjoy and shiver calls.
The most successful
approach techniques were
eye contact, a smile, a
compliment and a simple
hello.
Questions and debate
stemmed from the group
activity, such as "I was
married for 20 years. How
do I safely re-enter the
single world? The rules I
knew are long gone."
Another audience mem-
ber fielded the question.
"Go at your own speed.
Trust yourself and your
instincts. There are no
rules," she said.
Everyone, including Dr.
Shaw and Dr. Miller-
Shaw, applauded. ❑

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