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able, and she has four
daughters for whom she
needs to set an example.
Ms. Dunitz has yet to
meet a lifelong companion,
but said she has made
many friends through the
personals.
"You're mostly on your
own. So you have to make
things happen for your-
self," Ms. Dunitz said.
Rabbi Norman Roman of
Temple Kol Ami would
agree — as a rabbi and as
a divorced single.
"We hear the dilemma
of single people, but as a
population they haven't
told us what we as tem-
ples and synagogues can
do," Rabbi Roman said.
"I'm throwing this one up
in the air for anyone to
catch."
Rabbi Roman is in a
peculiar situation. As a
rabbi, he acts as spiritual
leader of a movement
which is pro-family.
Synagogues, he said, have
been slow to realize and
accept alternative defini-
tions of family and have
not adequately promoted
new understanding.
"The synagogue is the
institution that has
always been pro-marriage.
For this generation that is
not a reality. People are
choosing to stay single, to
postpone marriage and
children," Rabbi Roman
said. "My role is to make
them feel comfortable and
help them participate
meaningfully."
In general, the question
he faces most often from
divorced individuals
regards the financial
break in membership. Yet
he struggles personally
and professionally with
the issue of separate pro-
gramming. Although there
have been no requests for
a singles-only adult educa-
tion class, Rabbi Roman
considers the message of
starting one.
"Do we want separate
programming? Or do we
adjust our current pro-
gramming to better inte-
grate singles?" he asks.
"We're not in the business
of trying to attract singles
specifically, but of trying
to attract Jews to some-
thing meaningful."
As a single man, Rabbi
Roman said there is nothing
more the institutions could
be doing that he is wanting.
He believes synagogues and
agencies try to be fair —
pricing events by the indi-
vidual, thereby no longer
assuming all people are part
of a couple.
Even if he were not a
rabbi, Rabbi Roman said
he would belong to a syna-
gogue, enroll in adult edu-
cation and belong to the
brotherhood. His biggest
problem is finding women
interested in the same
sort of Jewish activities.
"Being a rabbi is not my
profession. It's my life-
style as a Jew," he said.
Lea Traiger faces simi-
lar problems.
She derives great satis-
faction from her job as
a social worker, her home
on a lake, her physically -;
active lifestyle and her
worship at Temple Emanu-
El. Divorced for 12 years
now, she has yet to find a
partner who shares these
passions.
"I'd love to have some-
one sitting with me, gain-
ing that spiritual fulfill-
ment," Ms. Traiger said.
"But the men I want to
meet are either getting
fixed up or they are choos-
ing to date non-Jews. I
know this because I'm not
"Divorce is not
the end of life,
it's just a
change of life."
Tony
meeting them. I've tried
dating gentiles, but my
heart wasn't into it."
Ms. Traiger attends
many singles events —
dances, sporting activities,
services — but claims to
see the same people again
and again. She's tried the
personal ads without
much success.
For the last seven years
she has been active with
Space. Now a facilitator
like Mr. Oram, Ms.
Traiger said Space was a
place where she could dis-
cuss her pain and gain
support. As a group
leader, she discusses
issues ranging from how
children deal with a par-
ent's dating to how to
approach the notion of
safe sex and condoms.
Because the sessions
are co-ed, Ms. Traiger also
enjoys hearing a male per-
spective on divorce.
"What I do now is try to
do things I really enjoy.
I'm an usher at the Fox/
Theatre, I facilitate at
Space. I get satisfaction
from these activities
whether or not I meet any-
one through them," Ms.
Traiger said.