Community Views
Editor's Notebook
Appreciation In Marriage
Must Be Clearly Expressed
Defending
Our Own
RABBI ELIMELECH GOLDBERG SPECIAL TO THE JEWISH NEWS
GARY ROSENBLATT EDITOR
The triangle be-
comes a pro-
found symbol
when describing
Jewish relation-
ships. The Ma-
gen David, for
example, is com-
posed of two tri-
angles, each one representing
the three points that serve as
the foundation of the uni-
verse. The Mishnah in Avot
describes the world as stand-
,_, ing upon three things: "Torah,
avoda and gemilut chasa-
> dim." Each one of these points
form the boundaries of our tri-
angle. The Torah serves as a
guide to knowing and defin-
ing ourselves. Avoda is the
worship of Hashem Yitbarach
above, and chasadim is the
description of our obligation
in reaching outward to the
people around us. Inwards,
outwards and upwards are
the foundation points of our
existence.
The Maharal explains that
the triangle is unique in its
geometric expression. Every
other shape can stand to have
a point removed and still
maintain its internal integri-
ty. If one takes a point away
from a circle it becomes a
--- smaller circle. A point re-
moved from a pentagon turns
it into a square. A square be-
comes a triangle, etc. Howev-
er, if one removes one of the
three points of the triangle it
is no longer able to close and
contain an inside wholeness.
So too, with the triangle of the
Jewish experience, every one
of the points of our whole, our
reaching inward in search of
our own personal identity, up-
wards to Hashem and out-
ward to the people around us
are all necessary components
in the intrinsic wholeness of
our beings.
The Magen Dovid is corn-
posed of two triangles. One
representing these three
points intrinsic to our indi-
vidual being and the second
the symbol of our national
communal identity. There too,
the Jewish people are defined
by three points, internally as
we deal with each other, ex-
ternally to the nations that
surround us and other-world-
ly as we connect to the One
above who created us.
The marriage relationship
contains these same three
points that define our indi-
vidual and communal identi-
ties. It describes the triangle
between husband and wife
joining together as one, seek-
t Rabbi Elimelech Goldberg is
,-D
the spiritual leader of
Young Israel of Southfield.
ing upwards to Hashem Yit-
barach. It also describes the
dynamics of participation
within the relationship and
the choices that we make.
These are the three points
which an individual must ad-
dress in any relationship. As
any aspect of our lives, we
must be primarily concerned
with the relationship as an
expression of Avoda, service
to God. Those individuals
whose connective tissue of ro-
mantic relationship is the mu-
tual enjoyment of skiing are
likely to discover that this
bond is mostly downhill. The
ability to share spiritual goals
and purpose is the most fun-
damental point of connection.
On the second point, the
Torah serves as a mirror into
ourselves, We find marriage
described with the term ezer
knegdo. There is a conflicting
dynamic within those words.
While ezer means to assist,
knegdo infers to be against.
The Torah, in this infinite
wisdom, teaches us that a
marriage relationship is a
combination of the both. We
see within our personal iden-
tity the need to define our-
selves within the context of a
and therefore what we seek
to be. This is the foundation
of our ability to serve as the
catalyst of growth in our oth-
er half as we define ourselves
in the ensuing whole.
The gemilut chasadim of
the Torah relationship is also
fundamental to its lasting
success. The RaMBaM, (Ishus
15:19) quoting from the Tal-
mud Yevamot declares the
obligation in marriage is
such, that "a man should hon-
or his wife more than himself
and love her as himself." Sim-
ilarly, "a wife should honor
her husband more than
enough...and he should be in
her eyes as a king." It is un-
usual for the Talmud to uti-
lize the language of excess.
What does it mean to honor
one's wife more than himself?
What is more than enough
when it comes to a wife's love
of her husband? The Talmud
shares with us the gemilut
chasadim focus of the suc-
cessful relationship. In the
world in which we travel we
are never fully secure and in-
vulnerable. Our personal
faults and inadequacies fre-
quently loom large and frus-
trating. The home should be
An. kfrom Newsday by Bob Newman. Cogynghl. 1992. Newsday. OnInbuted by Los Angeles To-nes Synboate.
Torah family as we recognize
that there is something lack-
ing in the unattached Torah
persona. And yet, when we
are united as one, the job is
still not completed. Spiritual
growth demands confronta-
tion.
We challenge another to
grow as we ourselves are pro-
pelled by the other. This chal-
lenge, however, must always
be seen in the context of our
love and care. The successful
relationship is governed by
the ability to confront and
cause growth in one another
while always being on the
same side. This is no simple
task. To be able to confront
another requires the security
of our own position. We must
know who we ourselves are
the island of our security. It
is the responsibility of our
husband/wife to reassure and
secure. Unfortunately, from
my vantage as a marriage
counselor, the opposite is too
often the case. Rather than
building each other upward,
husbands and wives can be
propelled into a dangerous
vortex that tears down.
The troubled relationship
is complete with mutual in-
securities feeding on the fren-
zy of personal fears and
problems. It takes a strong
and loving partner to be will-
ing to see beyond the other's
protective mechanisms and
risking rejection reach out to
reassure and uplift. Often, a
good deal of this issue sur-
APPRECIATION page 8
How are Jews
supposed to re-
spond to threats
on their lives
and security?
The question is
relevant to to-
day's headlines
of increasing
black-Jewish tensions in
Crown Heights, internation-
al condemnation for Israel's
deportation of 415 Palestini-
ans, and this week's celebra-
tion of a Jewish military
victory against the Syrians
more than 2,000 years ago.
Are there common threads
in these three incidents that
can help counter assaults
against us?
In Brooklyn, many Jews
claim that the violence that
resulted in black rioting
against Chasidim for three
nights in August 1991 was
nothing less than a pogrom,
an attack on Jews that took
place without state interven-
tion. What is indisputable is
that a 29-year-old Chasidic
Jew, Yankel Rosenbaum, was
surrounded by a group of
about 20 black youths chant-
ing "Kill the Jew," that he
was stabbed to death, and
that the young man charged
with his murder was acquit-
ted two months ago, rekin-
dling a fierce sense of anger
and betrayal in the Chasidic
community as well as among
many other Jews.
The Jewish response to the
death of Yankel Rosenbaum,
who was killed for no other
reason than because he was
Jewish, was indignation
against those blacks who ri-
oted, against the police for
not intervening with force,
and against Mayor David
Dinkins for alleged inaction.
This indignation took the
form of rhetoric, rallies and
protests, but there was no vi-
olence.
Rather, there was an im-
plicit submission to the legal
system of the state. More
than a year later, when a jury
acquitted the youth charged
with Yankel Rosenbaum's
murder, there was anger
among New York Jews but no
violence. This was not Los
Angeles, whose ghettos ex-
ploded when the policemen
charged with the beating of a
black man, Rodney King,
were acquitted. That is not
the Jewish way, or so we
have been told.
In Israel, terrorist acts by
Arabs against Jews have be-
come a way of life ever since
Jewish statehood in 1948. In
recent months, Hamas, a fun-
damentalist Islamic group
opposed to the peace talks
and committed to the de-
struction of Israel and the
Jewish religion, has be-
come more active in the
West Bank and Gaza.
Their acts of violence have
become increasingly brazen
as they have claimed re-
sponsibility for the deaths
of four Israeli soldiers and
the kidnap-murder of a po-
liceman this month alone.
Israel responded by
roundirig up 415 suspected
leaders and allies of Hamas
and deporting them to
Lebanon. In the face of in-
ternational condemnation,
Jerusalem explained that
its act was legal according
to its interpretation of the
Geneva Convention and
that the deportation had
been delayed until the
Supreme Court could hear
the case and rule on it.
Here, too, even when
Jews are being murdered
because they are Jews, and
when there is outrage
among citizens, there is a
process of law that takes
place and Arab neighbor-
hoods are protected by Is-
raeli soldiers from random
Jewish violence.
In both cases, then, in
Crown Heights and in Is-
rael, Jews have eschewed
a violent response to the
murder of their own and
still been widely criticized
for their actions.
What, then, would we
say about Mattathias the
Hasmonean and his five
sons and their comrades in
the Jerusalem of 168
B.C.E.? When the Syrian
ruler imposed Hellenism on
the Jews of Palestine, and
later on the Holy Temple,
the Hasmoneans respond-
ed by making war not only
on the Syrians but on those
Jews who had abandoned
their religion.
The Hasmoneans "at-
tacked Jewish apostates,
destroyed heathen altars
and forcibly circumcised
Jewish children found to be
uncircumcised," according
to The Jewish People, by
Max Wurmbrand and Cecil
Roth.
Rather than being con-
demned for such acts of vi-
olence against their fellow
Jews, the Hasmoneans,
now known as the Mac-
cabees, have become Jew-
ish heroes whose zealous
acts have been celebrated
through the festival of
Chanukah, perhaps the
most observed of all Jewish
holidays.
Do those secular, assim,
DEFENDING page 10