SIMCHA

1990 was the impetus for
their involvement in
Simcha.
Mr. Kaufman and Mr.
Raphael are both first-
generation Americans
whose parents struggled
with living in the United
States and being Jewish.
Mr. Kaufman's parents
raised him very tradi-
tionally. Mr. Raphael's
parents instilled little
religion in their son. But
the two share Hebrew,
Yiddish and a desire to
surround themselves
with Jews.
It wasn't always that
,
way. Mr. Kaufman
fought an internal war of
how to live as a gay Jew
in America. At the con-
ference, he found his
peace.
"Observance and pray-
er took on new meaning.
There was a gay rabbi
and a gay cantor — and
we were suddenly a com-
munity," Mr. Kaufman
said. "Lev and I had no
idea how powerful the
experience could be."
T Mr. Kaufman, a profes-
sor of psychology at
Michigan State Univer-
[ sity, met Mr. Raphael at
the university in 1981.
They worked together —
teaching and writing.

Mr. Kaufman was mar-
ried with two children.
"We sparked intellec-
tually. The connection
was so deep and pro-
found. And we struggled
with what was a strong,
erotic attraction for a
long time," Mr. Kaufman
said.
In 1985, Mr. Kauf-
man's 16-year marriage
ended. Lev and Gersh
moved in together one
year later.
"I would not have
turned my life upside
down just to be with any
man," Mr. Raphael said.
"I was conscious of how
this would disrupt our
lives profoundly. I know
we wouldn't have hap-
pened if Gersh were not
Jewish."
Mr. Kaufman's rela-
tives have been quite
supportive, accepting
Lev as part of the family.
Mr. Raphael's parents
don't speak of it. Only
recently have they begun
speaking of the Holo-
caust.
"I have this strange
sensation of being a
ghost around my family,"
Mr. Raphael said. "We
don't have depth. We've
never talked about gay
persecution. My father is

Robbie Lebow: Gays need a face.

just starting to talk
about his own experi-
ences some 40-odd years
later."
The family struggle
shows up frequently in
Mr. Raphael's writing.
He is the author of
Winter Eyes and Dancing
on Tisha B'Av.
In addition to their
involvement in Simcha,
Mr. Raphael and Mr.
Kaufman are members of
Congregation Shaarey
Zedek in East Lansing.
"We wanted to be affili-
ated in some Jewish

way," Mr. Raphael said.
"It is powerful to have
gay Jewish groups, but
we needed to be visible
in the straight world,
too."
Mr. Raphael and Mr.
Kaufman have not
encountered any difficul-
ties with their temple.
However, they are not so
blind as to think the
Jewish community as a
whole has embraced
their life together.
"It's so disconcerting
to see prejudice among
Jews. We should know

it's so wrong and so un-
acceptable," Mr. Raphael
said. "Gay Jews seem to
have a double conscious-
ness and a profound
awareness. That's why
it's so powerful to be
around other gay Jews."
The two have consid-
ered the idea of a mar-
riage ceremony, but have
not done so yet.
"I go back and forth,"
Mr. Raphael said. "It's a
beautiful ceremony, yet
are we just aping the
straight community?"
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