Remembrance Strengthens Family Bonds

By SUSAN STETTNER

Memory provides richness and
fullness to life. It helps us integrate
the past and present. Memory also
helps us to re-experience special
people and meaningful times.
I remember again as if it were
yesterday — picking up the phone
on a warm July evening and
hearing those hollow, empty,
unexpected words, "He's gone. Your
brother is gone. We've lost him ..."
The shock of my 19-year-old
brother's death was beyond my
comprehension. I was no longer
complete; a piece of my identity
was ripped away.
I was not prepared! Me, a
26-year-old Jewish woman, married
with a baby son. I felt terrified. I
didn't know what to expect. I didn't
know how to behave. I felt obligated
to be strong for my parents. I recall

feeling worried that they might
collapse and possibly die from the
shock. I was afraid of more loss.
Looking back almost 15 years
later, I see now how much I have
really learned about death and
about life. I became determined to
prepare my children to understand
more about how death integrates
into life. I wanted to give them
opportunities to see how Judaism,
traditions, and spirituality maintain
the spirit of my brother.
We share many stories about
him, his personality and character.
Even as painful as it has been for
me, they know of their uncle,
through me. Our daughter is
"named" for him, and we have
spoken often above the special link
she shares with him. His pictures
are around our home. When we
light the Yahrtzeit candle, we all

Remembering Israel

By JUDY SILBERG LOEBL

Biographies

Henrietta Szold: Israel's Helping Hand by Shulamit E. Kustanowitz.
The story of a great woman who helped establish Israel as a Jewish
homeland. Ages 8-12.
Forever My Jerusalem: A Personal Account of the Siege and
Surrender of Jerusalem's Old City in 1948 by Puah Shteiner. The
author's moving story of the last days living in Jerusalem prior to the
War of Independence in 1948. Ages 10-15.
Cast a Giant Shadow: the Story of Mickey Marcus a Soldier for all
Humanity by Ted Berkman. A powerful, dramatic story of a Jewish
soldier, raised in the United States, who went to Israel to help fight in
the War of Independence. Ages 13 and up.
Our Man in Damascus: Elie Cohn by Eli Ben-Hanan. The biography
of the most famous spy for Israel, Elie Cohn, who became close friends
with high-ranking Syrian army officers and the President of Syria. He
gained access to some of the most important military secrets which
helped the Israeli army defeat Syria in the Six-Day War. Ages 15. and up.
There is an excellent series of biographies on great Israeli leaders
published by Chelsea House Publishers, New York which are part of the
World Leaders Past and Present series. Ages 10-15. Titles include: David
Ben-Gurion by John J. Vail; Golda Meir by Karen McAuley; Moshe Dayan
by Richard Amdur; Chaim Weizmann by Richard Amdur.

Fiction

Aviva's Piano by Miriam Chaikin. A contemporary story for young
children about Israelis as they face a terrorist attack on their Kibbutz.
Based on a true story. Ages 7-10.
Path of the Orange Peels: Adventures in the Early Days of Tel Aviv
by Nahum Gutman. During World War I as the British and Turks fight
over control of Palestine a young Jewish boy becomes involved in a
dangerous and important mission. Ages 8-12.
Smoke Over Golan by Uriel Ofek. A novel about the Yom Kippur
War seen through the eyes of a 10-year-old Israeli boy living on a farm
on the Golan Heights. Ages 9-13.
The Boy From Over There by Tamar Bergman. Following World War
II, a young Holocaust survivor has difficulties adjusting to life on a
kibbutz and the first days of the War of Independence.
Some of the books listed are older and can only be found in Jewish
or public libraries.

Compiled by Judy Silberg Loebl, The Resource Center, Agency for
Jewish Education.

66

FRIDAY, MAY 1, 1992

stand around together hand in hand
— links of a family chain. Through
this loss and pain, our family love is
strengthened.
As it is said in the prayerbook,
before ... our thoughts turn to . .
our own loved ones, those whom
our friends and neighbors have lost,
the martyrs of our people whose
graves are unmarked and ... those
. . . whose lives have been a
blessing to humanity.
At Yom Hazikaron, we are
asked to remember the Israeli
soldiers who have died to preserve
the Jewish homeland. Their lives
have been a blessing to all our
families and to the Jewish people
everywhere. This special memorial
day impacts upon almost every
Israeli family as so many have had
to lose sons or daughters, fathers,
or mothers. Each fought for their
country which we also call our own.
Freedom has had to be earned at a
very expensive price in order to

have a Jewish state. All this so that
we can preserve our Jewish past
and ensure our people's future!
On Yom Hazikaron, we
remember those we have lost from
our personal families and those we
have lost from our family of Israel.
Join my family and me at the
Yom Hazikaron Memorial Service on
Tuesday, May 5, 1992, at 7 p.m. at
the Maple-Drake Jewish Community
Center. When we involve our children
in this remembrance, we allow them
the opportunity to understand more
fully Jewish life and loss.
Through this pain, I have
gained a greater appreciation of the
kaleidoscope of life and the people
that have enriched its beauty and
meaningfulness. It is through
remembrances such as Yom
Hazikaron that we may celebrate
life more fully. ❑

Susan Stettner is associate director
of Jewish Experiences For Families.

Owing A Debt Of Gratitude

By DAVID M. TECHNER

In my role as chairman of the
Public Relations Committee of the
National Funeral Directors
Association, I was asked to
participate in what was the most
moving ceremony I have ever been
privileged to attend. Although my
role was limited and the ceremony
lasted less than five minutes,
placing a wreath on the Tomb of the
Unknown Soldier at Arlington
National Cemetery in Washington,
D.C., remains a highlight of my life.
As I walked away with tears in
my eyes and chills throughout my
body, my 10- and 8-year-old sons
seemed puzzled as to the
significance of what they had just
seen. The "Why are you crying,
Dad?" could have easily been
translated into "What's the big
deal?"
After all, what they had seen
was their father standing at attention
in front of an unmarked monument
containing the body of a soldier who
died in battle, whose identity was
known to no one.
When I was asked to write an
article in commemoration of Yom
Hazikaron, the "Day of
Remembrance" and the importance
of remembering those who have
died in love and defense of Israel, I
recalled with pride my feeling of
emotion at the Tomb of the
Unknown Soldier.
I know no one personally who
has paid the ultimate sacrifice with
his life while defending Israel. And
yet I feel that I owe a debt of
gratitude to each and every one of

them, a debt that I can only pay
with my love and support of the
land which they died defending.
On this "Day of Remembrance"
I feel my role as a parent is to pass
along to my children the same
sense of pride that was gifted to
me. I must, through my words and
my actions, convey my gratitude to
those who have died while
defending MY greatest gifts: my
freedom, my love of country, my
love of Israel.
In celebration of "Yom
Hazikaron," may all of us renew the
challenge that has sustained us

I must, through my words
and my actions, convey
my gratitude to those
who have died while
defending MY greatest
gifts: my freedom, my
love of country, my love
of Israel.

from generation to generation, a
challenge that has sustained Israel,
that of turning tragedy into triumph.
We remember, for only through
our memory of their commitment
can we truly honor their sacrifice.
As we remember them, let us
resolve to strengthen our own
commitment, aware that our lives
are better because of their gift to
each and every one of us.
By remembering them we make
each and every day a "Yom
Hazikaron.':

❑

David Techner is a director of Ira
Kaufman Chapel.