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Anger

Continued from preceding page

tions, and nobody talked
about fathers or anger. So
people in the field, as it de-
veloped, didn't know how to
deal with anger. And until
recently, there's been little
research in the area."
The father-son relation-
ship is one of many "loaded"
relationships among family
members that can ignite
anger. Anger often appears
in close relationships, and
the family is the source of
most of our close relation-
ships.
Ms. Posner prefers the
words "letting go" to forgiv-
ing because the former con-
note an active process over
which you have control.
"Nobody grows up in a
perfect family so everyone
has some anger," she says.
"And not all families are
dysfunctional, which is the
current term. People who
grow up in a 'good enough'
family generally learn to
handle their frustrations
and disappointments be-
cause they've grown up with
parents whom, first, they
can trust and who, second,
can apologize for their
mistakes."

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in the

JEWISH NEWS

Call the Jewish News Advertising Department
354-6060

F 20

-

FRIDAY, DECEMBER 27, 1991

The emergence of an angry
feeling, within the context of
a family or elsewhere, is
often a "sign" that we may
be coming up with inade-
quate solutions to new
challenges — that is, anger
may go hand-in-hand with
change until new coping
strategies have been cre-
ated.
According to Dr. Howard
Dichter, director of family
therapy at the Albert Eins-
tein Medical Center,
Philadelphia, "Anger comes
out at those vulnerable spots
along the lifeline. There's
often anger when people
leave home; often, people
leave in anger. It's not un-
common for there to be
anger at times of marriage,
maybe the feeling that the
spouse doesn't suit one of the
families. Mother-in-law
jokes don't come out of the
air. And when the parents
reach an older age, and their
adult children have to take
on some of the roles their
parents had, there's anger,
too."
Says Rhoda Posner, who
has seen anger expressed in
these situations,
"Sometimes I see anger as
energy we can use to
motivate ourselves to do
what we have to do."
Incidentally, although the
expression of anger cuts
across cultural lines, Dr.
Dichter believes it is more
acceptable in the Jewish cul-