FEELING GOOD '92 • FEELING GOOD '92 • FEELING GOOD '92 • FEELING GOOD '92 • FEELING GOOD '92 • FEELING GOOD '92 PROVIDENCE MEDICAL CENTERS Anger Continued from preceding page Quality family health care is just around the corner. •r,i1 Providence Hospital Avon Rd Southfield 424-3000 Elizabeth Lake 0 Providence Medical Center-Farmbrook Southfield 354-3030 Commerce Walnut Lake Rd Quarton W. Ma le Rd Big Beaver lorm 1 7° mina... -e.■■■••■ EL MEM '= 2 1111 "rmM t..m 8 1111& 1111 1.11111M11111 0 Providence Medical Center-Livonia 477-1070 0 Providence Medical Center-North Woodward, Berkley 543-6000 Providence Medical Center-Novi 471-0300 New Providence Medical Center-Novi in Providence Park (Opening Spring 1992) 380-4100 Providence Medical Center-Milford 685-0921 General Information 424-3000 Physician Referral Service (800) 968-5595 DENCE Providence Hospital and Medical Centers 0 Providence Medical Center-South Lyon 437-1744 Providence Medical Center-Southfield Murray N. Deighton Family Practice Center 424-3441 4.Designates 24 hour emergency services Where we care for you and your family 4 - FAra, erson • HOME OR OFFICE • CIRCUIT TRAINING • MANUAL RESISTANCE • STRETCHING & MASSAGE For Minimum Space and Equipment Done Without Weights Aerobic and Muscle Conditioning Flexibility and Stress Reduction 4:01ttakt 1.044ft , t 4 Limited Space Available — Call Now! SCO TT GOGGN A pe. rs F.A on .A ai T C ra ert inif e ir ed 9481057 F 18 - FRIDAY, DECEMBER 27, 1991 have to do is learn to be assertive, direct and honest without being cruel." A preventive approach to anger is particularly impor- tant in situations where from-the-hip unchecked ex- pression can have ir- revocable results. If you tell off your boss, you risk losing your job. If you beat your child, that physical contact can harm not only your rela- tionship but his personal de- velopment as well. Residual anger, left unresolved from a previous situation, can be as harmful as anger set off by present circumstances. A recent study at the University of Southern California sug- gests that more than half of all divorced parents con- tinue as long as five years after they split up to have angry relationships that are potentially harmful to their children. Dr. Richard Perlmutter of Baltimore says the best way to deal with your anger is to "know it, use it, face it." That means, he explains, "sometimes you let it be and sometimes you let it show the way to other emotions." Instead of focusing on assertiveness, Dr. Perlmutter suggests people work on their self- understanding and their maturity level so that in con- frontational situations, "you learn to act rather than react, and to have a choice when to express anger to an- other person and when not to." The new thinking on anger questions another long-held belief. "The notion that all neurotic problems are bot- tled-up anger doesn't cap- ture the reality," he says. Experts now believe that anger is relatively easy to express. "Other emotions that are harder to express (than anger) are hurt, tenderness, sadness, failure, emptiness and so on." Is it ever appropriate to express anger? Yes, answers Dr. Perlmutter. Indeed, there are situations in which being able to express anger clearly can save a relation- ship, assuming, first, that the communication clarifies your position and, second, that there's enough trust for moments of anger not to destroy the relationship. On the other hand, he con- tinues, expressing anger can be destructive if it is a cover for some other emotion such as hurt, grief, pain or loss. Then, expressing anger is perceived by other people as "blaming" and makes them feel hurt or angry in return. "So anger can serve either function" — constructive or destructive, Dr. Perlmutter says. "This is why it's so im- portant to understand the role of anger in your emo- tional map and not get caught up in whether or not anger should be expressed." One process that may help you decide if you should ex- press anger is to recognize that you have angry feel- ings, then try to figure out if they're justified. Dr. Perlmutter adds two caveats. "Some anger is like a reflex and some people don't have much control over it. If something is said or done to them, they automatically respond with anger-rage," he says. Also, "if anger stays, it can degenerate into moodiness, blaming, suffering. Counsel- ing would be one way to deal with it." Rhoda Posner agrees that there are some people who Yo learn to act rather than react 9 and to have a choice when to express anger to another person and when not to are more prone to getting angry and who have more intense anger. "They're do- ing studies now on per- sonalities and intensity," comments Ms. Posner, who has led workshops on anger and other emotions in per- sonal relationships and in their work environment. "I see anger as a natural response to being threatened or to a perception of being threatened. I agree that it is important to manage anger early and that some people have a pool of unexpressed, residual anger," Ms. Posner says. "Anger builds up be- cause we lack confidence in our ability to be assertive, to ask for what we want and to not feel threatened that we'll mess up." While it is certainly con- sidered okay to feel anger, the point is the way you ex- press it to other people. Ms. Posner has two caveats, too. "Anger is one of the things we work with a lot with clients. Some need to learn to express it more; some less," she says. For many people, a workshop that pro- vides pointers in dealing with anger is sufficient. But people with a "deep pool" of