the. physical side of mar-
riage," Mrs. Silberberg
said, "but if you do, you can
make it work to your ad-
vantage. Alternating times
of physical contact and ab-
stinence can make the at-
traction between husband
and wife last a lifetime.
Many women tell me it's
like being on • a prolonged
honeymoon.
"Mikvah creates a bal-
ance in marriage," she con-
tinued. "Both are remind-
ed that each is an in-
dividual with psychological
and emotional as well as
physical needs. For a cou-
ple of weeks every month,
you are forced to com-
municate on a different
level."
Beth, the mother of
three, said she and hus-
"When she
comes back from
the mikvah, she
looks different,
more relaxed,
happy::
Sheldon
band Michael have reached
new levels of understan-
ding and sensitivity since
she began going to the
mikvah 21/2 years ago.
"It's a complete change
in lifestyle," Beth said.
"Where before sex was
always there, now it's
taken on a more pivotal
role. Now we take my cycle
into account with most all
our plans."
Michael agrees with
Beth, but if it were up to
him, he'd just as much
forget the whole thing.
"Yes, it does have its
benefits, like heightening
the anticipation and desire
for each other," he said.
"But I'm more of the
touchy, physical type, and
the physical separation is
hard for me. I was more or
less drawn into it by my
wife's spiritual growth."
Beth said she often has to
remind Michael of when
he's not supposed to touch
her.
"Right now, we're not
growing spiritually at the
same rate, but he goes
along with it," she said. "I
know he believes it's the
right way, but it's hard to
adapt to this. I get some-
thing from the whole expe-
rience that he as a man
does not."
Beth said the process of
going to the mikvah is her
most "introspective, pri-
vate moment. It's my only
time to concentrate on my-
self and not on the hundred
other things around me.
When I'm in the water, it's
like I have a direct connec-
tion to God." Baila
Jacobovitz, who spends
considerable time counsel-
ing women about the laws
of mikvah, said the laws of
separation are difficult.
Some rules prohibit pass-
ing items back and forth,
sleeping in the same bed
and eating off each other's
plates.
"These are examples of
so ,me of the little, intimate
things husbands and wives
do for each other," said
Mrs. Jacobovitz, who with
her husband, Avraham,
runs Machon L'Torah, the
Jewish Learning Network
of Michigan. "When a
woman is in niddah, the
idea is to not tempt each
other by engaging in those
kinds of everyday in-
timacies."
Beth said one of the most
difficult moments she and
Michael experienced
together was after the bir-
th of their third child about
a year ago. According to
Halachah (Jewish law), a
woman giving birth is con-
sidered in niddah because
of the menstrual-like flow.
"This was our "mikvah
baby," Beth said, "and
Michael couldn't hold me
or physically comfort me
through the delivery.
Believe me, there was
nothing sexual about it."
"That was rough,"
Michael recalled. "I can't
say I was happy about it,
but my wife was adamant.
She's very directed and
focused about what she be-
lieves."
"I thought we'd have our
time later," Beth said.
"That moment was for the
family."
Mrs. Jacobovitz said she
understood the reasons for
harchakot (dos and don'ts)
some years ago when she
visited a two-pound
newborn in the hospital.
The doctors and nurses
made her wear a hospital
gown over her clothes,
wear a mask and wash her
hands repeatedly.
"When I finally was
allowed to hold the baby, I
realized nothing was too
much or too extreme to pro-
tect this life," she said.
"The same with these
mitzvot. When you under-
stand their value and what
you're trying to protect,
nothing is too much, even if
they're the hardest things
you're ever asked to do." ❑
Almost all mikvaot
have back or side
entrances to ensure
privacy.
THE DETROIT JEWISH NEWS
27