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Women Offer Comfort
After Shattered Dreams
LESLEY PEARL
Jewish News Intern
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22
FRIDAY, SEPTEMBER 6, 1991
hen Debi Lamb
miscarried for the
fifth time, she
reacted differently than ever
before. She cried.
Ms. Lamb was fortunate.
Her doctor, Andy
Markowitz, cared. With
tears in his eyes and Debi's
hand in his, Dr. Markowitz
told Mrs. Lamb the heart-
beat he had heard one week
earlier was no longer there.
Dr. Markowitz called Mrs.
Lamb the next day to see if
there was anything he could
do for her.
"My other four miscar-
riages, nobody ever called,"
Mrs. Lamb said.
However, Mrs. Lamb knew
the pain and disillusionment
-she experienced were not
unique to her. Mrs. Lamb's
friend, Debbie Lutsky, had
experienced four ectopic
(tubal) pregnancies. And
although the conditions
were different, the loss both
women felt was very much
the same.
"No one could explain why
this kept happening to me,"
Mrs. Lutsky said.
Mrs. Lamb carried one
child to term and Mrs. Lut-
sky adopted. Among the
comments both women have
heard after each loss is to be
grateful they have at least
one child because some peo-
ple don't even have that.
"People don't know what
to say," Mrs. Lamb said.
Because doctors, husbands
and family often do not know
how to react or express their
feelings about miscarriage,
Mrs. Lamb and Mrs. Lutsky
have formed a group for wo-
men who have lost pregnan-
cies. They call it Shattered
Dreams.
Mrs. Lutsky and Mrs.
Lamb plan to affiliate the
group with Sinai Hospital,
but until funding is
available they will run the
group out of their homes.
Dr. DavidSchwartz,
chairman of obstetrics and
gynecology and director of
maternal-fetal medicine at
Sinai, is looking forward to
being that medical connec-
tion in what he calls a
"positive and very needed
service."
He is currently interview-
ing candidates with a psy-
chology or social work
background to fill the pos-
tion of coordinator for the
group. Dr. Schwartz em-
phasized the role will not
undermine or usurp the
leadership or intentions of
Mrs. Lamb and Mrs. Lutsky,
but instead will act as a re-
ferral service and contact
person. He hopes the coor-
dinator will help provide ad-
ditional longevity for the
group.
Dr. Schwartz wants to in-
tegrate Shattered Dreams
with Sinai by the end of Oc-
tober.
The women are confident a
need for this sort of group ex-
ists.
"All my doctor said to me
was, If you need to talk to
someone about this, let me
know,' " Mrs. Lutsky said.
"It (my emotional state) was
not spoken of again."
Because many people are
turned off to therapy, they
do not take their doctors up
on such offers. And many
women, like Mrs. Lutsky,
.
"A shot of
morphine may
make the physical
pain go away. But
what about the rest
of-it — the
emotional pain?"
Debi Lamb
did not want therapy — she
just wanted someone to talk
to who would understand
her experience.
"We're not therapists and
we don't try to be," Mrs.
Lamb said.
Instead, Mrs. Lamb and
Mrs. Lutsky hope to act as a
resource and a solace for
other women.
"Ideally, we would like the
hospital to call us when
someone is miscarrying,"
Mrs. Lamb said. "We're not
social workers, but we know
enough not to say, 'Honey,
it's OK, you're young' or 'It
was God's will! Instead, we
could be there to explain
what is happening or just to
hold someone's hand."
Thegroup will discuss
common feelings of failure
and lost intimacy —situa-
tions both women endured —
in addition to-- the personal
stories that need to be told.
Shattered Dreams' first
meeting will be on Thurs-
day, Sept. 26, at 7:30 p.m.
Call Debi Lamb at 908-4228
for more information. Enter
your phone number and
pound sign and she will
return all calls. ❑