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156

FRIDAY, SEPTEMBER 6, 1991

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Personal Orthodoxy

Continued from preceding page

with understanding and corn-
passion, in search of a dispen-
sation. The rabbi listens-
carefully and is sympathetic,
but the solutions he offers are
impractical. So Mr. Goldman
breaks up with his girlfriend
and leaves the rabbi. He is
left to figure it out himself,
ultimately becoming his own
rabbi.
Orthodox Jews, of course,
don't accept the idea of one
becoming one's own rabbi, but
for Mr. Goldman there is no
other choice. He wants to re-
main Orthodox, but that
world won't let him, won't
recognize his struggle to walk
the tightrope.
The problem, writes Mr.
Goldman, is the very nature
of present-day Orthodoxy, not
unlike fundamentalist Chris-
tianity and Islam. "Diversity,
tolerance and pluralism seem
to have been banished from
the religious vocabulary," Mr.
Goldman says. 'Orthodoxy
has become more and more
narrow?'
The climax of Mr. Gold-
man's struggle occurs a year
after he leaves school, just
before the High Holy Days,
when he and his family move
into a suburban neighbor-
hood north of New York. Mr.
Goldman is invited to lead
the afternoon prayer: service
on the forthcoming Yom Kip-
pur. At first he feels unsuited
for the job,- but he at least
relents in the face of repeated
_
requests.
"As soon as I accepted the
call to lead the prayer, pro-
tests were raised. The objet
tions came back to me like
the counts in an indictment:
I wrote on the Sabbath; I ate
in non-kosher restaurants;
my son was named after a
non-Jew; I sang Christmas
carols, I read the New Testa-
ment; I danced with my wife.
"The battles I had fought
throughout my adult life to
remain Orthodox were not
seen as battles at all by my co-
religionists of the 1980s but
as compromises, compromises
that diminished me in their
eyes and somehow threatened
the cozy world of the Or-
thodox. When Yom Kippur
came, I did not lead the ser-
vice in the synagogue. I
stayed home and prayed by
myself."
It is a sad ending, but Mr.
Goldman's rejection should
come as no surprise to anyone
who knows the Orthodox
world. He is just too pro-
gressive for those who hold
steadfast to the letter of the
law.
It would be so much easier
for Mr. Goldman if he were
just an individual Jew
privately wrestling with God.
But this is a book by someone

.

with a particular cross to
bear. To the Orthodox com-
munity, Mr. Goldman is a
media star, one of their own
who not only "made it" at the
prestigious New York Times
— the Jewish world's Bible .—
but who kept his Orthodoxy
along the way. At least Or-
thodoxy as defined by Mr.
Goldman.
The modern Orthodox rab-
bi he consulted had told him,'
"There has never been an
observant person at the New
York Times before. You have
a tremendous opportunity to
do good!' It must be a heavy
burden to always be under
such intense scrutiny by one's
community.
After the Yom Kippur inci-
dent, some members of the
synagogue apologized for the
tumult created.
Though he may be triefe to
some, Mr. Goldman is
undeterred. He struggles to

The pivotal conflict
is between the
requirements of
his job and the
principles of his
religion.

.

work his way through his
dilemmas, ever-searching for
the right answers, and, to his
credit, he makeg no apologies
for his ways.
`.`To my mind, Judaism:, is
diminished if it is painted too
narrowly," he writes-. "From
my life journey, I believe that
traditional Judaism is large
enough, compassionate
enough, forgiving enough and
tolerant enough to encompass
the world?'
This honest and intimate
story tells us a lot we need to
know about the Orthodox
Jewish world, providing a
revelatory glimpse into the
conflicts a modern Orthodox
Jew faces. It is also an exam-
ple of good journalism, both
in Mr. Goldman's professional
and personal life — his candid
reporting on sex in the Jewish
community, for example, be it
homosexuality in yeshivot or
premarital sex among
modern Orthodox singles in
their 20s and 30s, is sure to
increase the heartburn this
book will generate in the Or-
thodox world.
Finally, though he doesn't
necessarily come up with
answers that Orthodox Jews
would like, Mr. Goldman
makes his choices and con-
tinues to serve God as he sees
fit. As a classmate told him
on graduation, "Each one of
us serves God in a different
. way. Perhaps your ministry is
through journalism!' It seems
it is. ❑