is one man's search for truth,
whether in journalism, with
its quest for a balance in the
presentation of issues; or in
Judaism, where the author
mounts an honest effort to
find acceptable shades of gray
in a world increasingly more
sharply divided between
black and white.
It is a difficult and lonely
search, and sometimes the
only counsel Mr. Goldman
can find is the spirit of Rabbi
Akiva, whom Mr. Goldman
says would be his personal
saint if Jews believed in
canonization.. Rabbi Akiva,
says the Mishnah, was the on-
ly one of four rabbis "who
went down to the orchard"
and emerged whole; one fell
gravely ill and died, one
became a heretic and one
went mad.
Mr. Goldman's interpreta-
tion is that the four went ex-
ploring other religions, and
three just couldn't handle it.
Rabbi Akiva could, and thus
becomes Mr. Goldman's
spiritual guide.
"Rabbi Akiva stands by me
in my work," he writes. "He
even stays with me when I
cover a story in church or
have a vegetarian meal in a
non-kosher restaurant. 'Go
for it Rabbi Akiva whispers
in my ear. 'Go into the or-
chard. Judaism is meant to be
challenged. That is where it
gets its life? "
Mr. Goldman accepts the
challenge, and takes us along
on this intensely personal
journey.
There is his disorienting
childhood, where he ex-
perienced what was then a
quite rare thing in Orthodox
circles: a divorced home.
There is his passion for jour-
nalism and the story of his
career, including an insider's
look at the Times.
And there is the powerful,
mystical pull that his faith
has on him — "For me, Sab-
bath candles still held their
magic."
With all this, there is his
search for God at Harvard.
Mr. Goldman is in no danger
— he emerges from his 20th
century version of the orchard
intact; that is to say, strong
and secure in his religion.
But what kind of religion?
While Mr. Goldman remains
steadfast in his religious
observance, there has always
been one big if: If he were ever
given ari emergency by the
paper, he would have to work
on Shabbat because of his
"-moral responsibility to
report the news."
It's a problem he has trou-
ble resolving. His Orthodox
girlfriend can't accept his ra-.
tionale, so he goes to see a
modern Orthodox rabbi, one

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