UP FRONT YOU'RE COVERED With Our New T-Shirt! Subscribe Today To The Jewish News And Receive A T-Shirt With Our Compliments! From the West Bank to West Bloomfield — and all points in between — The Jewish News covers your world. And with our Tshirt, we cover new subscribers, too. The T-shirt is durable, comfortable, easy to care for and attractive. And it comes in an array of adults' and children's sizes. But most important, your new subscription will mean 52 information- packed weeks of The Jewish News, plus our special supplements, delivered every Friday to your mailbox. A $56.70 value for only $31. A great newspaper and a complimentary Tshirt await you for our low subscription rates. Just fill out the coupon below and return it to us. We'll fit you to a T! Jewish News T-Shirt Offer Please clup coupon and mail to: Yes! Start .ne on a subscription to The Jewish New.3 for the period and amount circled below. Please send me the T-shirt. JEWISH NEWS T-SHIRT 27676 Franklin Road Southfield, Mich. 48034 NAME This offer is for new subscriptions only. Current subscribers may order the T-shirt for $4.75. Allow four weeks for delivery. (Cycle One) 1 (Circle One) 12 ADDRESS CITY STATE ZIP year: '31 2 years: '52 Out of State: '41 enclosed $ ADULT EX. LG. ADULT LARGE, ADULT MED. CHILD LARGE CHILD MED. CHILD SMALL FRIDAY, AUGUST 23, 1991 Charity Gala Continued from preceding page If you are Orthodox, this is probably not an issue. You are accustomed to glatt kosher caterers who produce appetizer spreads that would pass for entire dinners in other circles. But if you're not, recognize that Judaism encompasses people of vary- ing degrees of observance. Many people who do not keep strictly kosher still avoid shellfish and/or. pork. If you serve bacon-wrapped hors d'oeuvres, lobster bis- que, crab meat salad and roast ham, these people will starve. 6. Thou shalt number the tables in order. I have never been to a lun- cheon or ball where the table numbering system made any sense at all. After years of study, I've determined that there is a pattern, but no logic. Please explain why odds and evens are on oppo- site sides of the room, why adjacent tables never have sequential numbers, and why the numbering pro- gresses in rings out from the stage (which makes sear- ching for your table similar to trying to determine the age of an oak tree). 7. Thou shalt not block the view. Your table arrangements should make it possible — or even likely — for people seated at the same table to be able to talk to each other. I am a founding member of Citizens Against Tall Centerpieces. The only thing more annoying than having plants block your view of your dining companions is having plants block your view of the guest speaker. 8. Thou shalt let people eat. Remember that most folks don't usually wait until 10 p.m. to dine. Have speeches after the food. 9. Thou shalt muzzle the band. WHY AM I SCREAMING? I am screaming because the music is too loud. I can't hear myself think. I can't hear you think. I can only hear another 90-decibel ren- dition of "Feelings," one of the all-time worst songs. 10. Thou shalt not plan next year's gala until this year's gala is over. The guests are here now. Relax. You've raised trillions for charity while you've helped them avoid be- ing glittered, lost, blasted out of their chairs or starved. If, tonight, you have a great idea for next year's theme, keep it to yourself. Don't mention it, or they'll make you the chairperson .. . again. ❑ LETTERS I Continued from Page 6 tegrity of this critical life transition. The real issue is not when we celebrate the bar mitzvah, but whether or not we provide the necessary educational apparatus to at- tract the continued interest of the bar and bat mitzvah graduate on the morning after. Truth to tell, their mass ex- odus from the synagogue and the Hebrew school is a bitter indictment of our teaching methods and modalities. Rather than lay blame on the doorstep of the kids or their parents, we would do well to look inside ourselves to see how we might more effective- ly impart the primary values and essential doctrine of our Torah. If anything, the relative successes of NCSY, USY and NFTY with the whole com- plex of AZA-BBG activity, clearly demonstrate that the kids are genuinely interested in and can be motivated by things Jewish. The Judaism package just needs to be creatively marketed in a fun- filled, hands-on experiential framework. The prescient lesson of the bar and bat mitzvah is that the attainment of the age of maturity (i.e., the magic numbers, "13" and "12," respectively) denotes a new- found ability to choose a path of life; a way to go, a way to be. If we want our kids to come back to us after their bar and bat mitzvah "gradua- tion," we must engage their senses with an enticing pro- duct and draw them in, not because they have to, but because they want to. Rabbi Ely J. Rosenzveig Springfield, Mass.