SINGLE LIFE

ROBIN SOSLOW

Special to The Jewish News

T

here's no dearth of
advice for singles
wondering how to
meet men or
women.

The problem most singles
face is not finding warm
bodies — it's finding like
minds.
Yet there's no end to the
number of otherwise sane,
sensible singles who com-
pulsively bark up the wrong
tree, then complain about
what lands on their heads.
Here's a sampler.
Jon is always disillusioned
after the first date: This one
was an "airhead," that one
was inexperienced, the last
one fell asleep at the theater.
Finally, he tried asking out
women his own age.
Franey frequents singles
bars. She nurses one beer as
a prop, then gripes about
guys who turn out to drink
too much.
Mark wants a bright, hon-
est, energetic woman who
wants to raise a family with
him. So why does he bypass
earth mother types and at-
tempt instead to tame and
reform "wilder" women?
Roberta used to go to rock
clubs alone since few of her
peers shared her taste in
music. She figured she'd
meet a liberal, high energy
guy who liked to dance. For
months she puzzled why the
only men who asked her out
were too young, too ir-
responsible, or both.
There is solid evidence out
there that we can be our own
worst enemies. We say we're
looking for Mr. or Ms.
Right. But if we were to
have an out-of-body experi-
ence allowing us to objec-

Robin Soslow is the author of
The Officail Single Woman :5'
Cookbook.

tively view our behavior, we
may find we're setting
ourselves up for disap-
pointment, rejection or both.
It's not that we enjoy dis-
contentment, we're simply
used to it. Once we've learn-
ed how to do something, we
keep doing it. We only stop
doing it when we learn a new
approach. So whether you're
looking for someone to
spend your life with or just
an evening with, consider
these principles.

•Opposites Attract. But
not for long.

Let's look at Susan, a suc-
cessful public relations
manager drawn to free-
spirited, artistic types. It's
not unusual for intelligent,
responsible open-minded
men and women to be at-
tracted to individuals who
express qualities they
envy... and who lead life-
styles that intrigue.
For Susan, spending time
with men outside of her
workaday world gave her
the opportunity to experi-
ence vicariously what she
thought she was missing. It
also gave her migraines.
While opposites attract,
the level of attraction often
bears no relation to compat-
ibility. Incompatibility over
time leads to discontent-
ment — and isn't that what
Susan, you and I are trying
to escape in the first place?
To be complementary, two
personalities must share
enough qualities to bridge
lifestyle and attitude gaps.
If your punk rock drum-
mer parties away his pay-
check and starts dipping
into yours, will he lose his
awesome aura? Unless your
cool dude or dudette has a
bottomless trust fund, you
may wind up paying more
than you bargained for. And
unless you have the gener-
ous and forgiving nature of
say, Mother Ibresa, you may
be paying emotionally, too.

Are You Looking
For Mr. (Or Ms.) Wrong?

THE DETROIT JEWISH NEWS

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