SINGLE LIFE
Boomeran Babies
LESLEY PEARL
Jewish News Intern
hen Julie Loh-
meier left New
York to move
back home,
she didn't plan
\>=
z
/—
>
on staying.
Five years later, Ms.
Lohmeier is still living with
her mother, unable to come
up with enough money to
move out. She is one of the
20-something generation
finding increased costs of liv-
ing and lack of entry-level
positions in the marketplace
making it difficult to pay the
rent and break the ties to
home.
The 29-year-old display ar-
tist said she came back to
West Bloomfield because she
needed a break from her hec-
tic academic and profes-
sional career in fashion.
"The biggest problem is
not the tension of living at
home as an adult," Ms.
Lohmeier said. "The biggest
problem is storage space."
A self-proclaimed clothes
horse, Ms. Lohmeier return-
ed to the suburbs with
enough shoes and dresses to
rival Imelda Marcos and Nan-
cy Reagan.
Ms. Lohmeier said she
misses the privacy of living
alone.
"My mother hadn't
planned on my return," Ms.
Lohmeier said. "So when I
moved home to her two-
bedroom condominium, my
sister Laura had to share her
room with me."
Claiming squatter's
rights, Laura kept the bed
while Julie slept on a blow-
up mattress on the floor for a
year.
At times, Ms. Lohmeier
has felt guilty about being
financially dependent on her
mother. However, she be-
lieves the move home has
been a positive experience
for both of them.
"My father died when I
was 18," Ms. Lohmeier said.
"It was very sudden and a
shock to us all. Laura was
still in high school so she
and my mother had each
other.
"My mother has never had
to live alone," Ms. Lohmeier
said. "When Laura moved
out, I stayed on."
Although Ms. Lohmeier
knows her mother could
make it alone, she believes
they both enjoy each other's
company.
"I think we've been a great
source of companionship for
each other," said Mary Ann
Lohmeier. "I can honestly
say it's been a real pleasure
having Julie around."
Ms. Lohmeier said she and
her mother get along well
because of mutual-respect —
not just as family members,
but as individuals.
"Moving home, I had to let
go of a lot of childhood
misconceptions about what a
parent is," Ms. Lohmeier
said. "I now accept my
mother for who she is, as she
accepts the person I am."
Arlene Goldberg, director
of clinical services for Jew-
ish Family Service, said
positive relationships bet-
ween parents and their adult
children result from pa-
Illustration by Tim Lee
tience, a sense of humor and
a good relationship prior to
moving home.
The biggest dilemmas
these families face are cop-
ing with feelings of
dependency and failure; in
addition to the manner in
which they address each
other, Ms. Goldberg added.
"Parents aren't always
sure whether to treat their
children like adults or kids,"
Ms. Goldberg said.
Ms. Goldberg said econ-
omics are forcing more and
more adult children to move
home.
"Although, as a society, we
have moved a long way from
the shtetl and become much
more scattered, it was not so
long ago that generations
lived together," Ms. Gold-
berg said.
Josh, who didn't wish to
reveal his last name, moved
home after completing one
year at Michigan State Uni-
versity.
"Academically I felt like a
failure," Josh said. "I felt
ashamed because I thought
my parents felt I was a
failure. I know now that
they didn't.
"Eight of my 11 friends
who left for college when I
did are home now too," Josh
added. "That's comforting."
Josh said he found it
difficult at first to move from
complete freedom to follow-
ing his parents' rules. He
said curfew was the hardest
rule to keep.
Ms. Goldberg said it's'
often difficult for adult chil-
dren to follow their parents'
rules.
"It's tough to feel like a
kid again when you are used
to feeling like an adult," Ms.
Goldberg said.
In addition to curfew,
Josh's parents require him
to keep his room clean and to
do his laundry. He's not
allowed to drink alcohol at
home until he is 21 and
THE DETROIT JEWISH NEWS
83
ENERATION
Families make adjustments
when adult children move home.