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Scattered Families
On The Holiday
SUSAN LIEBER
Special to The Jewish News
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y mother's famous
"farfel kugel" will sit
atop my seder table
but my parents will be sitting
in Florida, where they are
wintering.
My nephew Rich craves his
favorite "flanken tzimmes"
but he, too, will be absent.
He's away at medical school
and midterms make it im-
possible to fly home for just
two days.
My brother-in-law Bob will
not be attending either since
he and my sister are divorc-
ing. Gone, too, will be my two
nieces, who will be spending
the holiday with their Dad
and his family.
The seder, and by extension
the whole of Pesach, is a time
when the extended family
comes together; the seder is
considered entirely and ex-
clusively a home ritual.
This year, instead of asking
the traditional "Why is this
night different from all
others?" I find myself asking,
"Why is this Passover seder
different from those of my
youth?"
Years ago, in a crowded
apartment in Brooklyn, I
watched as my parents pre-
pared for the holiday. In-laws,
out-laws, aunts, uncles and
cousins gathered for the
seder. We didn't have a
separate formal dining room
Susan Lieber is a writer in
East Northport, N.Y.
so we converted the living
room by moving the furniture
against the walls and setting
up the aluminum tables. My
mother had mastered the 'H'
configuration to maximize
the number of people she
could seat. We all lived near-
by and there was no excuse,
except illness, that kept
anyone away.
This holiday, I have a
spacious dining room and a
shrinking number of guests.
I have all of the amenities for
a traditional seder — my lega-
cy of haggadot, prized
Passover plates, signature
recipes — but my family
seems to have gotten it all
confused. They have put the
exodus before the dinner and
we are no exceptions. My holi-
day table will hold fragments
of my friends' families, all
with similar stories — chil-
dren away at college, parents
out of state, and couples split
by divorce.
My mother calls from Flor-
ida. She wants my recipe for
cholesterol-free matzah balls.
"Susan, honey, I'm making
the first night," she says.
"Just a few friends who'll be
alone for the holiday. Maybe
you, Steve, and the children
can come down to be with
Dad and myself?"
"I'd love to Ma, but I can't.
I've already invited a ton of
people, the kids can't miss
school, and the air fares are
so high this time of year."
I hope she'll understand,
but now I see how easy it is
to fall into the same trap. ❑