SINGLE LIFE

CHIVALRY

my dear, is quite well, thank you.

Courtesy and good manners
on the social scene
have not gone out of style.

NEIL RUBIN

Special to The Jewish News

ould a Lancelot of
the late 20th century,
that famed knight of
King Arthur's Round Table,
drive his shining white
Cadillac to Guinevere's house,
bow upon seeing the legen-
dary beauty and gently hand
her a bouquet of fresh-picked
roses?
An exaggeration of sorts,
but not far from how a cross
section of Americans feel peo-
ple should behave on a date.

W

In other words, chivalry,
two decades after the vocif-
erous women's liberation
movement took center bill-
ing in the nation's social de-
bates, is alive and well.

Neil Rubin, a freelance writer
in Maryland, keeps a white
horse in the basement and
glistening suit of shining ar-
mor in the hall closet.

Not only are such tradi-
tional behaviors a staying
force on the singles scene,
but they are making a
comeback of sorts, said Eliot
Kaplan, managing editor
of Gentleman's Quarterly
magazine.
"As men get more secure
in themselves and come out
of this sort of post-feminist
time, they feel confident
enough to be assertive and
to be strong," said Mr.
Kaplan, a top editor of one
of the country's leading
men's magazines.
"Part of that is not being
afraid to be chivalrous and
polite and to treat women
with deference at times,"
Mr. Kaplan said.
One of his more well-
known colleagues from a
leading women's magazine,
agreed.
"Chivalry is still here and
I personally think that's
just fine," said Helen Gurley
Brown, editor of Cosmopoli-
tan magazine. "In a way it
has to do with etiquette and
politeness and manners.
"It's still okay for a man
to open the door and light
cigarettes," she added, call-
ing the last act "sexy."
For Ms. Brown and many
others such thoughts do not
betray the feminist move-
ment.
"The bedrock of women's
liberation has to do with ec-
onomics and professional-
ism," she said. "Chivalry
has to do with manners. You
can be a devout feminist,
which I certainly am, and
still enjoy a few of the lef-
tover procedures" of chival-
/T.
Or as Letitia Baldridge
wrote in her Complete Guide
to a Great Social Life, com-
mon sense is the yardstick of
interactions between men
and women.
"One aspect of dating
holds true for people of any
age," she wrote. "A well-
mannered person is more
popular than an unmannerly
one."
But that's not to say there
are no rules when it comes to
proper behavior, particular-
ly on a first few dates.
"Always help the woman
onto the horse," joked 27-
year-old Eliot Wagenheim.
But he quickly added a rele-
vant list of do's and don't for
the 1990s.
They include holding open
doors, paying on the first

THE DETROIT JEWISH NEWS 101