IRONING OUT THE Art By Jim Paterson 113 lanning a wedding under ideal circumstances is dif- ficult enough. Even if your family and your groom's family are the best of friends, there may be disagreements. Your mother wants fish for the main course. You want chicken. And your future mother-in-law wants beef. These kinds of problems crop up all the time and are worked out amicably. But to make the situation more interesting, let's suppose another set of circumstances. The groom's mother and father are di- vorced and refuse to walk down the aisle together; the bride's parents, who are both remarried, want their new spouses involved in the cere- mony. Suddenly, old feelings and hurts are stirred up, and the bride's and groom's dream of a harmonious wedding dissolves in tears. Here's what some experts say about making a wedding work, in spite of a divorced family situation. Whose Wedding Is It Anyway? Mala Burt, a clinical social worker whose Baltimore counseling center offers assistance for stepfamilies, says that the wedding day belongs to the couple, and parents and their spouses have to remember that. Mrs. Burt, who is herself remarried and a stepparent, and whose son was married last summer, says that parents may need to bury old, painful feelings in order to make the couple BY MELINDA GREENBERG as comfortable as possible. "Adults shouldn't say things like, 'I'm not going to go if he's there. That attitude accomplish that without having the puts the kids back in the middle person walk down the aisle or stand again. under the chuppah. Readings are a The bride and groom should check particularly easy way to give someone with their rabbi on what can be done a role in the wedding, says Mrs. Burt. Wedding professionals, like photog- to make their wedding as problem- free as possible. If, for example, a raphers and party planners, can make stepparent with whom neither the the day run smoothly, but they must bride nor the groom is close wants learn to be sensitive to stepfamily recognition at the ceremony, the situations. At Mrs. Burt's son's wedding, for rabbi may be able to suggest ways to Bridal couples have the right to insist on a harmonious wedding day. ■ The Jewish News 63