Creating Jewish Memories For Interfaith Grandchildren

By NANCY GAD-HARF, Ph.D.

"We always had a kosher
home and celebrated all the Jewish
holidays. Our daughter was always
active in synagogue life and youth
group. So where did we go wrong?
Why did she marry a gentile?"
Many Jewish parents are asking
themselves similar questions with
alarming frequency these days.
Consider the following statistics:
— the intermarriage rate today is
somewhere between 40 and 50
percent;
— there are between 400,000 and
600,000 children born into
interfaith families;
— one out of every two Jewish
college
students who marries in the
1990s will marry someone who
is not Jewish;
— by the year 2000, over 50
percent of the children in
Jewish religious schools will
come from a home in which one
of the parents was not born
Jewish.

With data like these, the
question Jewish parents of interfaith
couples should be asking is not
"Where did we go wrong?" but
"How can we help our adult
children to create Jewish homes of
their own?" "How can we create
Jewish memories for our
grandchildren?"
American society today is well
integrated. The good news is Jews
can work, live, and study almost any
place they want. The bad news is
such integration will only enhance
the opportunity for marriage
between Jews and non-Jews.
Unless we were to return to a time
of pronounced anti-Semitism and/or
social isolation, the American
Jewish community will continue to
be confronted by a disturbing rate of
intermarriage.

So what's a Jewish parent to
do? We have a choice. We can turn
our backs on our children and
grandchildren or we can lovingly try
to give them the tools to live
Jewishly and to raise Jewish

made at the annual conference of
the Jewish National Fund in Detroit.

20 YEARS AGO

.\•Itz‘s

Each month in this space,
L'Chayim will look back into issues
of The Jewish News to see what
was happening in the local Jewish
community or in the Diaspora 10, 20
and 40 years ago.

40 YEARS AGO

A film popular in the days of
the Nazi reign of terror, the
infamous Jew Seuss, was met by
protests and rioting in Berlin as
angry Jews clashed with police.
Groundbreaking ceremonies
were held on Outer Drive between
Whitcomb and Lauder for the
Jewish Hospital. Designed by Albert
Kahn Assocites, the hospital had
facilities for 200 beds and 48
basinetts.
Congressman John Dingell of
Michigan introduced a bill in the
U.S. House of Representatives to
grant Israel up to $500 million in
economic aid, fulfilling a promise he

L 6

-

FRIDAY, JANUARY 18, 1991

World and national leaders
joined with Detroit's community
spokesmen in honoring the memory
of Judge Theodore Levin, who died
at age 73 and served as chief judge
of the U.S. District Court of the
Eastern District of Michigan.
A five-bedroom home was
purchased by the Parents
Association For Jewish Residential
Care on a 6.5-acre parcel across
from the projected site of the Jewish
Community Campus at Maple and
Drake Roads in West Bloomfield.
Two major Jewish organizations
expressed satisfaction with Rabbi
Meir Kahane's promise of a
moratorium on the harrassment of
Soviet officials by the Jewish
Defense League. Mr. Kahane
announced the moratorium after he
and seven other JDL members were
indicted by a New York grand jury.

10 YEARS AGO

Secretary General Kurt
Waldheim defended issuance of
U.N. stamps bearing the inscription
"Inalienable Rights Of The
Palestinian People" in English,
French and German.
The present upsurge of anti-
Semitism is the response of people
in dire economic distress seeking
scapegoats for their hostilities,
according to Michigan State
University social scientists Albert
Lvak and David Katz.

children. Often, the Jewish parent is
the only Jewish connection an
interfaith couple may have. That
connection is a critical link to future
generations of Jews. Jewish parents
of interfaith couples should consider
the following options:
— create Jewish memories for your
grandchildren; use every life-
cycle event and holiday to share
with them the richness of living
and doing Jewishly;
— encourage your child and his/her
spouse to join a congregation
and send their children — your
grandchildren, to religious
school; most Reform congrega-
tions welcome interfaith couples,
providing programming and
support for them;
— find a support group for

Jewish parents of interfaith
couples;
— invite your child's family to your
home for Shabbat and other
holiday festivities;
— use home and family celebrations
as an opportunity to teach your
non-Jewish machatonim (in-laws)
about Judaism;
— talk to the in-laws — they
undoubtedly share your
concerns.
Most important of all — don't
give up. Communicate with your
children and grandchildren. Let
them know you love them.

Dr. Gad-Harf is Program Director of
Temple Israel and Outreach
Coordinator, UAHC Northeast Lakes
Council.

Books About
Grandparents And Grandchildren

By Judy Silberg Loebl
Agency for Jewish Education/
The Resource Center

Me and My Bubby, My Zeidy and Me by Yaffa Ganz. Popular Jewish
children's writer Yaffa Ganz has written a book about the special
relationship that children share with their grandparents as they are involved
in Jewish traditions. Ages 4-7.
The Keeping Quilt by Patricia Polacco. A touching story about a quilt
that is passed down from generation to generation but always retaining its
symbol of love and faith. Ages 4-8.
Grandma's Soup by Nancy Karkowsky. The story of a young girl's effort
to deal with her grandmother's increasing forgetfulness as she and her
family learn to cope with Alzheimer's disease. Ages 5-9.
The Number On My Grandfather's Arm by David A. Adler. A young girl
asks her grandfather about the number on his arm. A sensitive first
introduction to the Holocaust. Black and white photographs. Ages 5-9.
Bubby, Me and Memories by Barbara Pomerants. Zeydeh: a Story
Guide to Help Jewish Children Cope with Loss and Bereavement by Moshe
Halevi Spero. These two books are recommended for young children who
have experienced the loss of a relative or friend, or to prepare a child for a
death in the family. Ages 6-10.
The Remembering Box by Eth Clifford. Joshua's weekly Shabbat visits
to his grandmother give him an understanding of love, family, and tradition.
Ages 7-10.
Our Snowman Had Olive Eyes by Charlotte Herman. Sheila, age 10,
develops a special relationship with her Bubbie when they become
roommates. Ages 8-12.
Grandmother Came from Dwortiz: a Jewish Love Story by Ethel
Vinebeg. The true story of three generations of a Jewish family as they go
from the shtetl of Eastern Europe, through their immigration to New York,
and final settlement on a farm in New Brunswick. Ages 8-12.
The Great Condominium Rebellion by Carol Snyder. A humorous look
at Florida condominium life from the point of view of Stacy, age thirteen,
and Marc, age twelve, when they visit their grandparents in their new
Florida retirement home. Ages 9-13.
David and Max by Gary Provost and Gail Levine-Provost. David spends
a summer with his Grandfather Max and discovers many things about
Max's life during World War II. A touching story about the love between a
grandfather and his grandson. Ages 9-13.
The Night Journey by Kathryn Lasky. Thirteen-year-old Rachel
persuades her great-grandmother to relate the story of her dramatic escape
from czarist Russia. Ages 10-14.
You can find these along with several other titles on grandparents and
grandchildren at your local synagogue, temple or shul library.