The Power Of Grandparenting

Continued from Page L-1

what their role will be and what
limitations they may face.
Intermarriage has posed a
special challenge for Elaine
Friedman. As a grandparent to three
young boys, Elaine sees herself as
an important role model since the
boys are "non-affiliated." "What I
relate to them about Judaism
should not only be gastronomical,
but that often seems the case.
When we talk, we talk about school,
little league, their hobbies. Religion
is not first on the list, but I realize
that it has to be. Time is precious,
and I have the power to instill the
true meaning of Judaism. If I don't,
it will be lost."
A grandparent teaches by
example; therefore, the life they live
can convey as much to a grandchild
as does a planned activity.
Preparing for a holiday together
jointly volunteering at a Jewish
agency, or taking part in creating a
family tree are all activities which
further empower grandparents to

transmit distinctly Jewish
experiences. What kind of
individuals they are also sends a
message to grandchildren; that was
the experience of Leslie and Fred
Knight. Leslie and Fred are a
•unique couple among baby boomers
in that both were raised in three
generation households.
For Fred, his grandmother was
a reminder of a link to Eastern
Europe. When he was a child, that
fact did not hold much relevance.
As an adult with an interest in the
paths of Jewish immigration in this
country, Fred has found that his
grandmother left him a strong,
personal connection to his family's
ancestry.
Leslie's grandmother played a
different role, not quite the expected
role of a Sioux City Jewish
grandmother. She smoked, played
poker regularly, kept up on political
issues of the day and set an
example of a strong, independent
woman. In retrospect, Leslie

recognizes that the dynamics of a
parent-child relationship were not
present with her grandmother,
resulting in shared experiences
which were uninterrupted by routine
family concerns. The bond that
existed between the two was very
special, and private matters would
always get the undivided and
trusted attention of her grandmother.
The fact that grandparents have
a unique relationship with
grandchildren because they do not
deal with day to day responsibilities
is supported by Bob Benyas,
grandfather of one and the
"adopted" grandfather to three
neighborhood children. He views a
grandparent's role in part as
providing respite to both the parent
and the child from everyday
childrearing. The grandparent has
the opportunity to carefully select
those things to do while together. In
the context of this kind of
grandparent-grandchild interaction,
the grandchild is often more

receptive to the activity since it is
special or out of the ordinary.
The impact of grandparenting
does not end when grandchildren
reach a certain age and are viewed
as adults. Many individuals whose
children are grandparents, and
those who need supportive settings
such as Jewish Federation
Apartments and Jewish Home for
Aged continue to be well respected
grandparents, and are often asked
by younger generations to relate life
experiences. Their contributions
may help the questioner round out
a piece of history, draw someone
closer to Judaism or assist a person
in resolving a personal conflict.
There is something to be said for
accessing 80, 90, or 100 years of an
individual's personal and
professional experiences. The power
of grandparenting is infinite; it is
limited only by those grandparents
or grandchildren who do not take
advantage of this tremendous
natural resource. ❑

Itit° The 'Z' Factor In Jewish Learning

By RABBI Y. M. KAGAN
Zayde. Grandfather. Grandpa.
Saba.
Whatever you call him, his
effect on the third generation — his
grandchildren — is enormous.
From the earliest recorded
times of our history the Zayde
component or "Z. factor," has been
a potent force in our tradition,
particularly in the education of the
younger generation. In Bereishis,
the Torah tells us that Jacob raised
and educated his grandchildren,
Joseph's two sons, Manasseh and
Ephraim: "And it came to pass after
these things that he said to Joseph,
`Your father is sick' ..." (Genesis
48:1) Rashi comments on the
identity of the individual ("he said to
Joseph ...") who brought Joseph
the news: "... Ephraim used to
study with Jacob, and when Jacob
became sick in the land of Goshen,
Ephraim went back to his father in
Egypt to tell him."
In later years, when Joseph was
nearing the end of his days and

eChagfrn

THE JEWISH NEWS

27676 Franklin Road
Southfield, Michigan 48034
January 18, 1991

Associate Publisher Arthur M. Horwitz
Jewish Experiences for Families
Adviser Harlene W. Appelman

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FRIDAY, JANUARY 18, 1991

was now himself a grandfather, we
read, "Joseph saw Ephraim's
grandchildren, and the children of
Machir, the son of Manasseh, were
born on Joseph's knees." (Genesis
50:23) Rashi comments on the
words "On Joseph's knees":
"Understand this as the targum
renders it, that he raised them at
his knees."

'From The Earliest
Recorded Time Of Our
History, The Zayde
Component, Or 'Z' Factor,
Has Been A Potent Force
In Our Tradition .. .

The tradition of Zayde
educating his grandchildren
continued throughout our history.
One notable example from Chasidic
history: the founder of Chabad,
Rabbi Schneur Zalman of Laidi,
(1745-1812) promised his daughter,
Devorah Leah, at her deathbed that
he would personally supervise the
education of her young child,
Menachem Mendel.
Many stories are told of the
beautiful relationship between this
young grandchild and his illustrious
Zayde. Once the little Menachem
Mendel was sitting on his
grandfather's knee when the latter
asked him, "Where is Zayde?" The
little boy placed his hand on his
grandfather's chest. Rabbi Schneur
Zalman retorted, "That's Zayde's
chest, but where is Zayde?" The
little boy touched his grandfather's
beard. Again the great rabbi

responded, "That's Zayde's beard,
but where is Zayde?"
The precocious child did not
answer. A while later when
Menachem Mendel was playing in
the room and his grandfather's back
was turned, the young child
suddenly called out "Zayde!"
Startled, Rabbi Schneur Zalman
turned around. "Aha! There's
Zayde!" the little boy declared
triumphantly.
When he was eight or nine
years old, Menachem Mendel
desperately longed to be admitted
to his grandfather's room, even at
those times when his Zayde was
delivering profound dissertations of
Chasidic philosophy to a select
group of senior scholars. Even
though he reaized he would not be
able to comprehend much of what
was said, he thought he might be
able to pick up at least a few words
here and there, and his Zayde's
teachings were the most precious
things in the world to him.
One day he hit upon a plan. He
hid in the heating oven whose thin
wall fronted his Zayde's room. That
morning the janitor decided that it
was chilly and he should stoke up
the furnace. So he pushed logs into
the oven and tried to set fire to
them. The child, with his ear
pressed to the thin partition at the
end of the oven, was so absorbed
in listening to his grandfather's
teachings that he was unaware of
the logs.
However, because his little body
was blocking the ventilation

chimney, the fire would not catch;
instead clouds of smoke drifted
back into the room. When the
janitor removed the logs to see what
the problem was, he discovered to
his horror the unconscious form of
the young child. Hastily he took him
out and revived him.

'Even Though He Realized
He Would Not Be Able To
Comprehend Much Of
What Was Said, He
Thought He Might Be
Able To Pick Up At Least
A Few Words Here And
There ..

Menachem Mendel's
grandmother (Rabbi Schneur
Zalman's Rebbetzin) remonstrated
with her great husband. "Do you
see to what lengths you drove him!"
Gravely, Rabbi Schneur Zalman
replied that despite the
unwholesome circumstances, the
lesson learned was of supreme
importance educationally. He
declared, Men darf hob'n mesiras
nefesh oif Torah, "one must have
self sacrifice for Torah!"
The little boy grew up to be the
third leader of Chabad, known
universally by the title of his
magnum opus, the Tzemach Tzedek
(1789-1866).
Grandfather. Zayde. The "Z"
factor. A potent force in education.

Rabbi Kagan is Associate Director
of Lubavitch Foundation of
Michigan.