Detroit's matchmakers say there's
a tremendous need for their services
and their telephone bills show it.

ences. She keeps track of
prospects in Detroit, New
York, Toronto, Cleveland
and Chicago.
Mrs. Moseson and the
others, who will be working
together as a committee, feel
the computer will speed the
process.
The matchmakers say
that, despite the electronic
machine and the compiling
and analyzing of
biographical data, and
despite the similar-sounding
philosophy of, as Ada
Moseson puts it, "we don't
arrange marriages, we ar-
range introductions," they
are not a Jewish dating ser-
vice.
The major difference bet-
ween the two comes perhaps
from the Talmudic Hebrew
verb root shedach, which

• - •

"If they all worked,
it would be
wonderful. There
are plenty of
singles out there."

Risha Kaufman

means "to persuade," to
"influence." While shad-
chanim don't force people
together, they will try to
help candidates work out dif-
ferences before the paired
parties give up.
"Sometimes you have to
push things along a little,"
says Kayla Polter of Oak
Park. "We're living in a
world where people think
everything should be
perfect. As a result,
sometimes silly things will
stand in the way of two peo-
ple getting together.
"For example, a boy makes
a statement about his expec-
tations on a particular sub-
ject and the girl gets
frightened off.
" 'Instead of taking it at
face value,' I tell her, 'why
don't you ask him to explain,
or let me ask him. Ask what
his opinion is on something,
don't assume.' " "We're not
putting them under the
chuppah, but we feel very
responsible," adds Mrs.
Moseson.
And the shidduch makers
are patient.

-

Although some pairings
result in a shidduch within a
week, others take longer.
Mrs. Polter had one match
that took a year to come to
fruition. "So maybe
sometimes people aren't
ready," she says.
It can't be rushed, she
says. "You are only
messengers from God. And it
takes mazel. Sometimes, you
deal with total opposites: he
is very quiet, she is not. But
there is something there. It
is pre-ordained."
If it's bashert, it will work
out, the matchmakers say —
with help often from the boy
and girl as to whether they
can work things out between
themselves.
What does a shadchen in-
troduction have over, say,
the singles bar scene?
"A shadchen will speak
with the parties separately
and try to match
backgrounds and values, so
that by the time the prospec-
tive couple come together
the chances for a spark ig-
niting between them are
much greater," Mrs.
Moseson says.
Major factors are simi-
larity of religious
background — matchmakers
generally won't pair more
observant Jews with those
considerably less observant
— and family background.
The reason is, as Mrs.
Moseson says, the Jewish
wife "is the guardian of her
husband's observance" of
kashrut and other laws.
Of course, "where they
are now" can negate
background differences in
some cases, she says. A per-
son who, for example, has
given up materialistic ways
for a more spiritual lifestyle
might be a good potential
spousal candidate for some-
one for whom fulltime Torah
study is central to his life.

Too, "it is very essential
that these people be at-
tracted to each other," says
Mrs. Moseson.
Her own daughters were
married via shadchanim.
"But they went out with a
wide spectrum of men to find
the guys they respected.
"It's not a Torah command-

ment that people use the
services of a shadchen, but
it's preferred because it
helps to weed out people
whose value systems are not
compatible."
She said it's ironic that,
"in this day when we think
we are more modern," that
more people, including
totally non-observant Jews,
are coming to matchmakers.
"It's the total reverse of

what you'd expect. People
are seeing that relationships
formed 'the more modern
way' are not producing what
they want."
The increase in "business"
for shadchens comes, in part,
from the growing number of
Ba'alei Teshuvah, Jews
returning to traditional Jew-
ish life, according to Mrs.
Moseson.
"Most were raised just the
opposite. The past few ge-
nerations have realized the

Mrs. Moseson goes over
a match-up with her
husband, Rabbi Joseph
Moseson, and checks a
computer printout.

THE DETROIT JEWISH NEWS

29