TORAH PORTION

What's the matter
with kids today?

Time To Live

Continued from preceding page

They're not members of the JCC!! Think
of all they're missing! Splashing in our
pools, playing "hoops" in our gyms &
playing racquet sports.
Not to mention our playgrounds, classes
& programming to fill up some of their
free time. And there is certainly nothing
the matter with the price of a general
membership for kids.

Birth-12th grade

One Year

Special Youth
Membership
$100 mo3(rb•

• Must be paid in full
*Good Nov 1-Dec 15, 1990 only
* Must not have been a member on past year.

For more information on this & other specials contact the Jewish Community Center
6600 West Maple, West Bloomfield, MI 48322

FREE DOLLHOUSE
0,A f
S59.95

f *

VALUE

Baubles, Bangles & Beads
Let your PRESENCE be known

Presents for a

WILD WONDERFUL WINTER HOLIDAY 1990

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Bring A Friend!

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Offer Ends Nov. 10

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Featuring:
• Jewelry Extraordinaire • Home Interior Accents

BE THE WINNER!
Come often to enter and win a
$250 GIFT CERTIFICATE!

Wear Art Thou?

PRESENCE II

Holiday Hours: Tues.-Fri. 10-8, Sat. 10-5
at the Claymoor • 29260 Franklin • Southfield
Located between Northwestern & 13 Mile
Street Access • Complimentary Valet Parking

827-3344

Unique
Eyewear

OF WEST BLOOMFIELD

Dr. Howard J. Rosner, Optometrist
West Bloomfield Plaza • Orchard Lake south of Maple • 626-0200

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FRIDAY, NOVEMBER 9, 1990

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Mon.-Sat. 10-5 • Friday 10-8

3947 W. 12 Mile Rd. • Berkley

543.3115

DOCTOR
DISCO

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CALL:

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855-5571

Contemporory
Women's Fashions

Fun Fain

Fashions

855-4464

Hunters Square • Farmington Hills

as a reality. Judaism teaches
that we must learn to con-
front death naturally and
openly. The desire to evade
sorrow causes some people to
escape into the fantasies of
the unreal. They think that
they can avoid some of the
unpleasantness by diverting
a mourner's attention from
his sorrowful experience or by
distracting him through some
trivial conversation. The
Jewish approach stresses not
escape but confrontation so
that the bereaved person can
master the situation and
regain his emotional
equilibrium.
A person is urged to face up
to the reality of death and
avoid denial or repression of
tears which thwart his work-
ing through his grief. Ex-
pressing grief relieves
pressure. That is sound
psychology and sound
Judaism.
The funeral ceremonies sur-
rounding death help a person
express his grief. They ver-
balize and give vent to his
feelings which in turn helps
a person recover from his
emotional shock. There is no
magic short-cut to recovery. It
is not Jewish to keep "a stiff
upper lip" or stay emotional-
ly uninvolved in the face of
death. It is not Jewish to
avoid sentiment as being
"corny." It is not Jewish to ac-
cept a clinical antiseptic at-
titude toward death. Better to
weep for the dead because
pain and sorrow are to be ex-
pected as part of the separa-
tion that comes through
death.
• Important functions are
assigned to family and
friends at the time of death.
The mitzvah of being present
comforts the mourners as
N'Humavelin, "comforters of
the bereaved." That time to be
present, is not, however,
before the funeral. Our sages
wisely counseled, "Do not
comfort the mourner when
his beloved dead lies before
him on the coach." The
mourner needs to be alone
with his family and his
closest relatives. To put a per-
son in the position where he
must "receive" at the funeral
chapel and make small talk
with casual friends and-
neighbors who come to call is
cruel to the mourning family
and totally un-Jewish. The
wound is still open. The
mourner is often bewildered.
What is sometimes said to
comfort him often intensifies
his grief. The time for friends
to call and visit the family is
after the funeral, not before.
• Judaism prescribes some
stages of mourning in descen-
ding order in order to allow
time for the healing process

to do its work. During the
first three days, a mourner is
supposed to stay home. The
first seven days of mourning
called Shivah include the first
three days where the
mourners do not leave home
except on the Sabbath to at-
tend worship. Shaloshim (30)
runs thirty days from the
time of death. The mourner is
not expected to participate
during that time in any
celebrations or joyous
festivities. The year is the
period during which one who
mourns a parent refrains
from feasting or amusement.
It is a religious obligation to

Haye Sarah:
Genesis 23:1-25:18;
I Kings 1:1-31.

say Kaddish for the whole
year following the death.
• Belief in immortality, life
after death, rounds out the
Jewish view of death. The
great mystery of what hap-
pens after death remains, yet
the faith that something of
the soul persists after death,
remains the abiding faith of
the Jew. The identification of
a person's soul liveS on
through his children and his
family, through his good
name and his good deeds.
Something we call the soul
separates man from the beast
and lives on through time and
eternity.
The Jewish view of death
provides means of expressing
grief and sorrow through
healthy channels. It enables
time to perform its healing
process so that the person can
work through his grief. It
gives a person faith in
immortality.
The Jewish attitude toward
life conditions his view of
death. From Job we learn,
"the Lord hath given, the
Lord hath taken away, bless-
ed be the name of the Lord."
Both affirmation of God's
justice and the resignation to
God's will are implicit here.
All this started with
Abraham the day his wife
Sarah died, and he bought
the cave at Machpelah so that
he might bury her remains in
a sacred place and thus honor
her death. ❑

1

•"1 SYNAGOGUES I'm'

Thanksgiving Plans
At Temple Beth El

The Temple Beth El
Brotherhood will provide a
Thanksgiving turkey with all
the trimmings to newly arriv-
ed Soviet Jewish families 9-11
a.m. Nov. 11 at the temple.