I CLOSE-UP
The
Never ,Ending
tion
Adoptees put together the puzzle
of their past as they try to answer the question,
"Who Am I?"
w
. ondering. Che-
ryl Servetter
does a lot of that
in her spare
time. There's a
question that nags at her, at
times consumes her,
something she needs and
wants to know.
Who am I, really, she
thinks. There are times
when she becomes discour-
aged, worried and saddened
that she may never know
the full answer.
She says it was only
recently, upon discovering
her time and place of birth,
that she was hit with the
realization: "I was born."
Cheryl Servetter is
adopted; she was brought in-
to an Orthodox Jewish fami-
ly in Detroit at the age of 1
week. Her adoptive family is
the only one she has ever
28
FRIDAY, OCTOBER 26, 1990
known. And she loves her
mother, father and brother,
and would never want to
hurt their feelings. After all,
they're the ones who have
cared for her throughout her
life. Still, the 29-year-old
Birmingham woman feels
she must piece together the
larger picture of her identi-
ty, and so, she is searching
for her birth mother.
"I don't want another
mother," she says. "What
I'm doing is, I'm trying to
find myself."
The incidents of adult
adoptees seeking out their
biological history are
becoming commonplace.
Heart-grabbing stories sur-
face in the press about a
mother and child meeting
after years of separation.
What stokes the fires of
curiosity for these adults,
prompting them to search,
and what role does the
search and possible reunion
play in their lives? And if
adopted into a Jewish fami-
ly, does the adoptee question
that identity as well? These
are some of the issues with
which adult adoptees must
wrestle.
There are critical junc-
tures in an adoptee's life
that may trigger the desire
to search — marriage, birth,
illness. Linda Yellin, direc-
tor of Post Adoption
Resources, a non-denomina-
tional peer counseling ser-
vice of Lutheran Social Ser-
vices, says that while not all
adoptees want to search,
wondering is normal.
"What motivates is the
need to know," Ms. Yellin
ADRIEN CHANDLER
Special to The Jewish News
says. "Adult adoptees, while
growing up, think about the
birth parents. What do they
look like? What are they
really like? Why was I given
away? It's important for
them to deal with reality
rather than fantasy or fear,
no matter how wonderful
the adoptive parents."
"Not being able to find
their own history makes for
tremendous confusion, fan-
tasy and acting out," adds
Esther Krystal, adoption
and foster care coordinator
at Jewish Family Service.
Adoptees search not to
replace the adopted family
but to fill an information
vacuum. For an adoptee,
whole pieces of a personal
puzzle are missing, says Ms.
Yellin, an MSW and expert
on the psychological impact
of the search and reunion
process.
Many come to her pro-
gram with the same com-
plaints — they feel different,
incomplete and discon-
nected; they lack self
esteem; they are angry
about what they see as their
abandonment; they wonder
and often fantasize about
the life that might have
been. They want to know
their past but are am-
bivalent, as well as concern-
ed a search would hurt their
adoptive parents.
"You're like a walking
amnesia victim," says
adoptee Rene Vander Eyck.
"You're squelching your real
feelings."
Cheryl Servetter knows
these feelings. She always
felt like a square peg. She
doesn't resemble her family
physically. Her adoptive