SINGLE LIFE NO ONE PUTS MORE INTO YOUR CLOSET THAN US! .,„. . , digii. ....._ September Dilemma k \ \ , Ne I*. ', , 4 , . ••,,-," , ‘ \ '.t : \ :, \ ‘,,,,, ,•:.,::, ' X\ ' ,, :' ' 4" , .k. ~,,,,,‘, \ %. `', ':':,:•,:,,*, t',',:',•':.. ;;;,..• .:, :\ ‘,. \ \ Your Closet Will Be Built In Our Factory, Ruly Custom Constructed For You . . . Not Pre-Fab Modular Cubes. Like Furniture, Your System Will Be Built Tb The Floor With Fully Adjustable Shelves And Chrome Plated Steel Rods, Not Unfinished Wood. "The Difference Is Clear ... Let Us Show You!" Unparalleled Quality And Service Deal Direct With Manufacturer And Save! Custom Closets by Space Organization Get Organized lbday 7526690 or 1.800-342-5604 WHAT THIS CITY ONCE HAD IS BACK . ONLY BETTER!! BASHMAX LTD • • • Presents • Innovation • Entertainment • Luster • Excellence • Nuance • Taste • Sophistication • Style • Extravagance 7:00 p.m. Friday, September 21, 1990 $25.00 per person BAY POINTE COUNTRY CLUB (Haggerty Road — 3. Miles N. of Maple) • Over 21 • Cash Bar • Valet • Attire . . . • Trendy • Dressy • Flashy • Classy For Information Call: 352-0440 i Boductions Inc k vana presents over 90 bands: The Simone Vitale Band • Krosswinds Pam Martin • Paul Lochrichio Higher Ground and many more . . . PLUS! Customized entertainment planning for every aspect of your special private and corporate parties Call Susan Stuart at 288-0070 • A Selective Jewish Dating Service 124 FRIDAY, SEPTEMBER 14, 1990 For non-native Detroiters, handling the High Holidays can be a particular challenge. RICHARD PEARL Staff Writer S o what are you doing for the High Holi- days?" For unmarried Jews who are not native Detroiters, that can be a particularly tough question. It's hardly an easy query for singles anywhere, con- sidering Judaism's emphasis on marriage and family: at least the married person has his or her spouse with whom to share the holiday. Among singles, most Detroit-born sons and daughters can enjoy the con- venient advantage of being able to spend Rosh Hashanah and Yom Kippur with parents, siblings, fami- ly members or longtime close friends. Not so the non-native. Often brought to Detroit by career moves, the newcomer finds him or herself far from the familiar. Loneliness is the operative feeling, espe- cially on the High Holidays — and even more so if the newcomer gets divorced after moving to the area. "Jews look forward so much to the High Holy Days," said Diane Buffalin, a Birmingham psychologist. "They are such meaningful times. "The significance of the major Jewish holidays is so intrinsic to the Jewish iden- tity that gravely ill Jews have been known to rally, even recover, so that they can observe the holidays and celebrate." In the absence of any community-wide singles observance of the High Holy Days in the Detroit area, how do non-native, unmar- ried Detroiters cope? If the schedule permits, they go back home to be with their families. If not, they either observe the holidays alone or with friends. "It's sort of catch-as-catch- can," said Jim Berk of his holiday observances. A native of Lincoln, Neb., Berk is a television sport- scaster who was married when he came to Detroit several years ago. "We had two Yom Toys together, then got divorced," said the West Bloomfield resident. He kept his membership in Adat Jim Berk: Smaller community. Shalom Synagogue, but said he at times felt overwhelmed by both the congregation's and the Jewish community's size and diversity compared to that in Lincoln. "I came from a much smaller, more close-knit community. For- tunately, I've had people here who have taken me in." Miriam Greenbaum, a New York native who mar- ried a Detroiter there in 1978 and moved the same year to her husband's city, is now divorced and living in Southfield with her 9-year- old daughter. "I depend on and hope to get invited by friends for the holidays," said Mrs. Greenbaum, a member of Young Israel of Southfield. "I usually do" get invited. Patti Liss of Royal Oak, a media relations/marketing professional who is a native of Buffalo, N.Y., said she went back home for the holi- days the first year she was here and has spent others with friends, but now prefers spending the holidays alone. "I get lots of invites" from Detroiters, whom she de- scribed as "warm and pleas- ant." "Most of my friends are married or with somebody," she said. "Holidays are a real intense, family thing. I don't have family here," she said, and so she has decided, "I'd rather be by myself rather than be with people wanting to be nice. "I don't feel alienated — it's my choice," she said. One of those non-natives whose experience prompted her to move into the host role is Valerie Rubenstein, who also is from New York. "The first holiday I was here, I felt pretty lonely," recalled Ms. Rubenstein, who divorced before she came to Detroit three years ago. "There was not much to do — I didn't know where to go, hadn't met too many people." An advertising represent- ative and party-planner, she gradually became friends with both native and non- native Detroiters. Over the • next two years, she dated someone steadily, observing the holidays with him. "But after that first year, I always had an Eruv Yom Kippur dinner for other singles, in- cluding some who are na- tives." Psychologist Buffalin, who specializes in stress management, suggests that divorced parents who host observances realize that, while it's important "to maintain the Jewishness of the holiday," some "family- type traditions can be changed. For instance, we must realize that, because of distance and time, we can't always go to Aunt Sadie's for eruv Rosh Hashanah, for ex- ample." And, adds the Temple Shir Shalom member, "If you're alone on the holidays and feeling sad and lonely, give the greatest gift you can: give your own time to people less fortunate than yourself — people in homeless shelters, shelters for the abused, or who are in nurs- ing homes." ❑ City Of Hope Group Organizing A group for singles over 40 which will plan and par- ticipate in social activities to benefit the City of Hope Na- tional Medical Center will hold its organizational meeting 7 p.m. Sept. 16 at the Colony Park Clubhouse in Southfield. The City of Hope National Medical Center and Beckman Research Institute is a cancer research and treatment facil- ity near Los Angeles. For more information about the singles group, call Sharon Stein, 552-9237; or Fern Fine, 356-2265.