SINGLE LIFE 12 MONTH CD e % 8. YIELD e 8.0J 00 RATE MONEY MARKET 8.30 YIELD 8 00' RATE EQUITY LOANS 1 1 ° A) ''°E ( Year 1 Fixed. APR at 13th month ® Prime + 2% stetting Southfield 355-2400 Clawson savings bank TM We Create Solutions.' 435.2840 Waterford 674-4901 Annual yields based on monthly compounding of in- terest. Rates subject to change. FDIC insured. THE CAMPAIGN TO DISCREDIT ISRAEL A volume of eye-opening information on media misrepresentationsi— now available at ZOA office 569.1515 • A Selective Jewish Dating Service 4., .1,, Az 94 , Road • South of Maple • West Bloomfield FRIDAY, AUGUST 10, 1990 I' Testing Forgiveness A Wayne State social worker and area Jewish singles will see if her unique program — which she has used on herself — is truly effective. RICHARD PEARL Staff Writer S ix years ago, Shirley Berman remembers, she jogged up to five miles a day. Six years ago, too, she was very happily married, enjoy- ing a loving relationship with her husband and three daughters. But suddenly, all that changed. Gilbert Berman, her hus- band and father of their daughters, "a very loving, bright, competent" car- diologist, died at age 56 of the brain tumor he had been battling for a number of years. And 10 months later, Mrs. Berman was stricken with multiple sclerosis. There was blindness, then paralysis. Not only couldn't she run anymore, she could hardly walk. There were days in which she couldn't get out of bed. "I woke up one day and my vision seemed kind of weird," Mrs. Berman recall- ed. "By the end of the day, I was blind. I was treated with ACTH for the blindness and my vision returned, but then my legs started to go numb and I was paralyzed. "I was more frightened and scared than bitter," she said. "I didn't know what the future would be. "I wanted to remarry and I was sad because it didn't look like I ever would. My first marriage was just wonderful — we had an in- timate, communicative rela- tionship; we led healthy lives; we jogged; we ate nutritious foods. I wanted another relationship like that one, but my chances didn't look too good." In no time, virtually all the Wayne State University social worker had left were her daughters and the train- ing in assertiveness she had been teaching and perfecting over the years. But that, as they say, was then. And this is now: • Shirley Berman once again is happily married. • She has days when she has trouble walking — she has had nine exacerbations, or flareups, of the MS — but until the most recent, last February, she's been able to walk without any aids. At present, she gets around with the aid of a cane or on someone's arm. • She is smiling, vibrant, alive — and working with, and deeply committed to, the same three therapeutic modalities she used to get herself where she is today. She has combined the three — assertiveness, Shirley Berman: "Did it myself." forgiveness and cognitive restructuring — into what she believes is a unique pro- gram which she and others in the Wayne State Psychol- ogy Clinic teach to a variety of people —singles, the seri- ously ill, the elderly. And so strongly does she believe in this program that she will risk its being tested scientifically for statistical effectiveness by a Wayne State doctoral candidate in clinical psychology, Elana Brand. Detroit's Jewish singles community will provide the data base for the testing when the program, which is utilized through relation- ship enhancement groups, is announced in the fall and winter by the Jewish Com- munity Center in conjunc- tion with WSU. If the research, conducted as part of Ms. Brand's doc- toral dissertation, proves the program is effective, the program will be published for others to utilize. According to Mrs. Berman, groups of 20 individuals will be formed in October and February to work in 13 three-hour-long sessions aimed at increasing self- esteem and improving the quality of relationships. "Since we are attempting to prove the effectiveness of this program, we are not charging for these groups," she said. The basic components of the program include asser- tiveness training, in which group members learn to give effective, positive assertions to themselves and others and to engage in positive interactions; differentiation, a process in which par- ticipants learn to treat parents and siblings with respect, yet be different from them; forgiveness, in which participants learn to let go of resentments toward others; and cognitive restructuring, or the changing of a par- ticipant's thinking in order to change his/her feelings. Mrs. Berman said the pro- gram has been successful ac- cording to feedback from participants, but has never been statistically tested. "Those members who have freely invested themselves in the groups by attending most of the sessions, practic- ing the techniques outside the groups, working on changing their relationships with their parents and sibl- ings, and letting go of resentments toward people from their past, have noticed dramatic changes in their feelings of well-being and the quality of their relation- ships," she said. The forgiveness aspect is powerful, past program par- ticipants said. Jean Rubinson of Southfield said a Berman program sponsored by the Maple-Drake Jewish Corn- munity Center helped her deal with divorce after 16 years of marriage and also with the several sets of parents she had as a foster child. "In one situation, I had resentful feelings toward a certain person and, through this program, I finally got together with this person and expressed my feelings without putting anybody down," said Ms. Rubinson.