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August 10, 1990 - Image 94

Resource type:
Text
Publication:
The Detroit Jewish News, 1990-08-10

Disclaimer: Computer generated plain text may have errors. Read more about this.

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FRIDAY, AUGUST 10, 1990

I'

Testing Forgiveness

A Wayne State social worker and area Jewish
singles will see if her unique program — which
she has used on herself — is truly effective.

RICHARD PEARL

Staff Writer

S

ix years ago, Shirley
Berman remembers,
she jogged up to five
miles a day.
Six years ago, too, she was
very happily married, enjoy-
ing a loving relationship
with her husband and three
daughters.
But suddenly, all that
changed.
Gilbert Berman, her hus-
band and father of their
daughters, "a very loving,
bright, competent" car-
diologist, died at age 56 of
the brain tumor he had been
battling for a number of
years.
And 10 months later, Mrs.
Berman was stricken with
multiple sclerosis. There
was blindness, then
paralysis. Not only couldn't
she run anymore, she could
hardly walk. There were
days in which she couldn't
get out of bed.
"I woke up one day and my
vision seemed kind of
weird," Mrs. Berman recall-
ed. "By the end of the day, I
was blind. I was treated with
ACTH for the blindness and
my vision returned, but then
my legs started to go numb
and I was paralyzed.
"I was more frightened
and scared than bitter," she
said. "I didn't know what
the future would be.
"I wanted to remarry and I
was sad because it didn't
look like I ever would. My
first marriage was just
wonderful — we had an in-
timate, communicative rela-
tionship; we led healthy
lives; we jogged; we ate
nutritious foods. I wanted
another relationship like
that one, but my chances
didn't look too good."
In no time, virtually all
the Wayne State University
social worker had left were
her daughters and the train-
ing in assertiveness she had
been teaching and perfecting
over the years.
But that, as they say, was
then.
And this is now:
• Shirley Berman once
again is happily married.
• She has days when she
has trouble walking — she
has had nine exacerbations,
or flareups, of the MS — but

until the most recent, last
February, she's been able to
walk without any aids. At
present, she gets around
with the aid of a cane or on
someone's arm.
• She is smiling, vibrant,
alive — and working with,
and deeply committed to, the
same three therapeutic
modalities she used to get
herself where she is today.
She has combined the
three — assertiveness,

Shirley Berman:
"Did it myself."

forgiveness and cognitive
restructuring — into what
she believes is a unique pro-
gram which she and others
in the Wayne State Psychol-
ogy Clinic teach to a variety
of people —singles, the seri-
ously ill, the elderly.
And so strongly does she
believe in this program that
she will risk its being tested
scientifically for statistical
effectiveness by a Wayne
State doctoral candidate in
clinical psychology, Elana
Brand.
Detroit's Jewish singles
community will provide the
data base for the testing
when the program, which is
utilized through relation-
ship enhancement groups, is
announced in the fall and
winter by the Jewish Com-
munity Center in conjunc-
tion with WSU.
If the research, conducted
as part of Ms. Brand's doc-
toral dissertation, proves the
program is effective, the
program will be published
for others to utilize.

According to Mrs. Berman,
groups of 20 individuals will
be formed in October and
February to work in 13
three-hour-long sessions
aimed at increasing self-
esteem and improving the
quality of relationships.
"Since we are attempting to
prove the effectiveness of
this program, we are not
charging for these groups,"
she said.
The basic components of
the program include asser-
tiveness training, in which
group members learn to give
effective, positive assertions
to themselves and others
and to engage in positive
interactions; differentiation,
a process in which par-
ticipants learn to treat
parents and siblings with
respect, yet be different from
them; forgiveness, in which
participants learn to let go of
resentments toward others;
and cognitive restructuring,
or the changing of a par-
ticipant's thinking in order
to change his/her feelings.
Mrs. Berman said the pro-
gram has been successful ac-
cording to feedback from
participants, but has never
been statistically tested.
"Those members who have
freely invested themselves
in the groups by attending
most of the sessions, practic-
ing the techniques outside
the groups, working on
changing their relationships
with their parents and sibl-
ings, and letting go of
resentments toward people
from their past, have noticed
dramatic changes in their
feelings of well-being and
the quality of their relation-
ships," she said.
The forgiveness aspect is
powerful, past program par-
ticipants said.
Jean Rubinson of
Southfield said a Berman
program sponsored by the
Maple-Drake Jewish Corn-
munity Center helped her
deal with divorce after 16
years of marriage and also
with the several sets of
parents she had as a foster
child.
"In one situation, I had
resentful feelings toward a
certain person and, through
this program, I finally got
together with this person
and expressed my feelings
without putting anybody
down," said Ms. Rubinson.

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