What Does Mean 11Chayim asked young adults from Here are some of Temple Israel Adat Shalom Synagogue Congregation Shaarey Zedek Confirmation is like restating my Judaism. It's just as much work if not more than my bar mitzvah. It's like putting another deposit into my ac- count, only the account is my love for God and Judaism. I can't wait for the big night! Darren Garrett, 15 Confirmation is much more than a ceremony, kiss on the cheek and a certificate. It is quality time spent with our leaders and mentors, the rabbis, to discuss modern Jewish topics. It is a chance to also get to know the rabbis in a substantially less formal setting than services. I have gained much knowledge, both about life and religion, as a result of this class. Donny Feldman, 16 I feel that confirmation is fulfilling my responsibility as a Jewish adult. Con- firmation is a very important time in my life. I've been brought up with many Jewish morals and values. Confirmation is a time to let the morals and values I've learned throughout my life mature. Confirma- tion makes me proud to be a Jew. Lori Gartenberg, 15 ❑ ❑ ❑ Confirmation means to me that you commit yourself to your religion. I feel that carrying on this task is very im- portant because it shows that you can take on the responsibility of being a Jew. That is why I am being confirm- ed. Amy Babcock, 14 ❑ ❑ ❑ Confirmation means many things to me. First, it signifies a step in the life cycle, an important milestone. Addi- tionally, it represents a connection to a larger Jewish group — the temple community. Confirmation, most im- portantly, manifests continued dedication to Judaism — reaffirming its presence and importance in daily life. Jeffrey Gell, 15 ❑ ❑ ❑ ❑ Confirmation is a chance for all of us to present our views on important re- ligious issues. It gives the youth a chance to be heard. Julie Citrin, 15 ❑ ❑ ❑ Confirmation is one of the three most important Jewish events in a person's life. The other two are marriage and bar mitzvah. Being confirmed is a way for me to show my dedication to the Jewish faith and continue on the traditions our religion has taught. It's a chance to learn and be around other Jewish people. Charlie Ornstein, 16 ❑ ❑ Being confirmed is important to me. I hope to be setting a precedent for future generations in my family to demonstrate that as busy as you think you are, you can still sacrifice time for religion and religious train- ing. Another thought about being confirmed is the time spent. While most of my friends were sleeping ear- ly Sunday mornings, I was attending Hebrew school. When I think about the time consumed, it was worth it. I learned many things about Judaism and Jewish interaction in a larger world, and I now feel more knowl- edgeable about my heritage and my future as a Jew. I feel confirmation is another step into adulthood for me. When I had my bar mitzvah, I thought I became a stronger person. Confir- mation is making an important affect on my life as my bar mitzvah had done. Howard C. Larky, 16 By GAIL BERKOVE In approaching the task of teaching values to our children, it is helpful to look at our personal history to see where our values came from and how we acquired them. Values may be positive or negative; they may be absorbed consciously or unconsciously. It is probably not so much our parents' beliefs and attitudes themselves but how our parents lived their lives that gave positive or negative meaning to the values that they transmitted to us. We look back to our childhoods to give us an idea about how we want to be parents. By making a conscious decision about 56 FRIDAY, MAY 25, 1990 the way in which we want to live our lives, we hope that we can make clear to our children what values are important to us. Through our memories, we try to reconstruct situations in our present families similar to those which gave us positive feelings so that our children may acquire the values we associate with them. Family rituals that were special to us come to mind. Fond memories of family celebrations such as birthdays, confirmations and holidays or daily routines around mealtimes or bedtimes offer examples that we might like to perpetuate. On the other hand, we may also remember negative situations where we felt in ourselves ❑ Confirmation is something that I have looked forward to since my bar mitz- vah. I found it difficult to consider my- self a man at the age of 13. Since then, I looked forward to confirma- tion, hoping that maybe then I could truly consider myself a man. Confir- mation to me has meant learning the opinions of others of my religion, of both the medieval rabbis' minds and my peers." Confirmation to me has meant looking inside myself for my own views about my religion and what role I want it to play in my life. Confir- mation to me has meant maturing, meant learning to make decisions that will outlast my childhood. Although I may not yet be a man, con- firmation has been an important step in becoming one. Matthew Matasar, 15 - -- ---",=--:"& - - ---- _ - --,- --- - -- -._'- --:', ... :,..„.:,- ---, --- -"5 ,: .----. Z--,,,,a s: -- . - ,. - - . *--: - - ; .- - : - - - : - 1-- - - ;. z... - --- --- ---- - , -,K4,. -- - _ ":7,-*:,;-----1.- -,- -- . Z - _:-. 4. ,-. . 1 - 0,----- -_ -,-=:-... , - ------ -----:„.--"----, M, "- . -:- , - , -.t - - -- - - - _ -------- -- - z----i,--- -, - -- - - 'transmitting Values To Our Children ❑ ❑ - - - - - :- -- 7,-- - - - - - -___ - - -, -i- ----. . , §7 - - , . - . --FS .,_,- ---',"* -, ......._ .1 z ,■ - _ ' - Z- ,___ -,- --Z- -,7 - - -__ - ' -a - ' . - = _, : - .. . :, . . _ i. - - - ; - - __ , - - . _ - - _ : ; =, . - - ',- - _ - . . , - _ - 1-, =-- - - - - --. - •: - - -',-- --- - - - _ . - - - , .,- s' 7 _ -- - - - _ -:- - __ , . - " , , . - , _. . . :-z- . --- _ . -■ - -z--.z- ,_: ____ - -%- - - -----,-,:- - . , , - - - --,-_ - - - ---- - c . - .---.:. _ - - - ---- ,„ -_,...7 . --' , - ■ ' ' ' :. - 1. -, = -- __ ' ," - - - . - - . - - - . „ , - : - ._ - . - 1.` - - . , " - . = : . - " _ 7 . --- " '-= . - - . - . - _ 1- -- : -- ._.,-.- , - - - . _ - 1 -=-- - ',_- -. - - . -,- r .- . --_ - --; - • _ - - ;1=15:n" : - .- . - ._ , =__. ... -z - - _. --=:. - ,,,_-. E--, 14',,- , - . : - - 7: __ . - : .,- ., - - -.. - . . , , _ - - '-` .."—z--- -, .---- ---- -- -:. -- ----'------.; -.., .--1.--,--- §-,--W. --;---,- :', -- :",z. - --z"- --;="- -;---- - -'- :=7-a',:::f.-7--, - - - : . - or saw in our parents hurt, pain, or punishment. Out of those memories comes the resolution: "I will never do that to my child." Thus, in approaching the task of transmitting our values to our children, we bring a legacy from our personal past augmented with learning and experience from adulthood. If we come from a past where we had many positive experiences and our parents served as good role models, then it will feel natural to pass along these things to our children. But if we do not have good experience to look back to, we must decide as adults which values are important to us and how we might make them a part of our family life. We can find these values - - - in people we like and respect, who offer good examples of how we would like to live. We may find them through study, or through reflection on our experiences. However we discover them, we need to decide to make them ours and try to live them ourselves so that we can be models for our children. By teaching our children through personal example, our lessons will become more believable and, hence, will be more effective. Gail Berkove, Ph. D. is a psychologist in private practice in Southfield who works with individuals, and couples, particularly around parenting and family issues.