PURIM SPOOF PURIM SPOOF PURIM SPOOF PURIM SPOOF PURIM SPOOF PURIM SPOOF Getting Personal Jewish Princess, 28, seeks successful businessman of any major Jewish demonmination: hundreds, fifties, twenties. POB 27. I was reform as an embryo, conservative as a fetus, orthodox from birth. Seeking same. POB 46 by Mogen Freedman Your plates or mine? Divorced man, 42, with fleishig dishes only. Seeking woman with nice milchig set. Object macaroni. POB 77 Me, I drive for a living. Haddassah tours. Amit Women, Bnai Brith singles, and others like that. Ah, but my favorite pas- senger is that irascible yenta Ms. Raisy Bloom. Let me tell you about our latest outing. Miss Raisy heard about this new enter- tainment experience created by Heshey Farkas, you know, the blintz king. Well it seems Heshey got a good deal on a former nuclear test site on 250 acres of Nevada flatland and opened a spectacular new theme village called HESHEY PARK. So we went. Boy. was this some place. Here are some of the exciting rides we went on. I'll tell you it was an experience we won't soon forget. The Murray-Go-Round: Mur- ray Golden, C.P.A. provides a thrill a minute by juggling books with uncanny skill. Be amazed as he does miracles with figures and goes for the gold ring(available at wholesale prices). Miss Raisy adored this one. The Tunnel of Like: For those who are just not quite ready to commit, this ride takes you on a journey deep within a dark place. Separate boats for men and women available on Mondays and Wednesdays. The Chicken Soup Flume: This breathtaking ride down a cascading fall of chicken soup can be called the eighth wonder of the world. Seated in your Professional Jewish athlete, winner of Davis Cup, America Cup, Stanley Cup. Seeking non-Jewish woman. Goyishe Cup. POB 58 Nice Jewish accountant, 31. Looking for a "10", 25-30. 5'- 5'6", 95-105 lbs., 36-24-36, area code 212, 718, or 201. I've got your number. POB 1099 ' Orthodox woman with get, seeks man who got get or can get get. Get it? I'll show you mine if you show me yours. POB 72 Desperately seeking shmoozing! Retired senior citizen desires female companion 70+ for kvetching, kvelling, krechtzing. Under 30 is also okay. P013 64 If you can't stand the heat, get out the blech. Heimishe balabusta, 39, will cook you such a tzimmes. Hurry, it's getting cold. POB 96 Heshey Park-an aerial view own individual ladle you go over the falls at speeds reaching up to 10 miles per fat globule. Miss Raisy almost got hit by one of the Matzo Ball Boulders. she loved it. The Dessert Safari: A terrify ing trip through a Jewish blood stream dodg- ing the challenge of high cholestoral snacks. Bubby's House of Horrors: Eh, shalom aleichem...So maybe you want to meet me, although all right you probably don't . Nu, so if you change your mind, maybe epess you'll write me, but if not, its okay, I understand. My name is Shaya Bochur. FOB 55 Successful orhodox diamond cutter. Both Shea and Yankee Stadium. No Shabbos games. Will not mow lawn during s'firah. Seeking wife. POB 41 Chicken Soup Land: includes a chicken soup slide for the kids. bump 'em soup nuts (insurance available) and story time with park mascot Soup-R-Man. . A haunted house where plastic slip covers come alive. a strange sweet odor is always present and the TV always has static. Matzo supplier, 53, seeks cloth bag manufacturer. Let's play "Hide the Afikoman." P08 61 The Hall of Mirrers: Miss Raisy Planet of the Goyim: An in- tells me that the Mirrer Yeshiva is consid- erd one of the finest intitutes of Jewish learning in the world. What would you look like if you were a yeshiva boy (or girl)? Through the miracle of fiber optics. micro-computer technology. mylar. vel- cro, and shmaltz, your image will he re- flected back at you as though you lived in the 18th century Europe. Yentl floss extra. credible simulation Of Iowa. You'd swear the wheat was real, and the food isn't. Looking for a great husband? "Mr. Dependable," always there for you. A faithful companion at all times. Your salvation in any emergency. No Saturday or Holiday calls, please. PUB 92 Well, all in all it was some adventure we had that day. That woman just tires me out. Next week I get to do something a bit more leisurely—wind surfing in the Negev with the Fairfax Federation Seniors. tell you about it later. Bye for now. uw Passover Products Worth Passing Over HOROWITZ'S MARGARETIN-A MATZOH DOMINO'S MATZOH Delicious matzoh ready in only 18 minutes. Shmura. Egg, Chocolate and Regular pies.Sorry, we don't deliver. What's the matter you can't walk? 100% wholewheat MATZOHS The amazing new kosher snack that clears up bad skin as you eat your way to a better complexion Divorced? looking for someone to play with? Sign on with us. the New York Gets. Games all season. Switch hitters welcome. POB 74 Handsome, very funny comedy writer, 42, divorced, sneaking in this real ad among all the fake ones. Contact the publisher. Agnostic dyslexic male, seeks similar female to discuss whether or not there really is a DOG. POB 83 Can't meet women? Want to meet women? Ready to meet women? Join Amit Women. POB 60 ' Conservative rabbi, 45, I count women for the minyan and call them up to the Torah. Seeking female to make aliyah. POB 50 Businessman, 51, manufactures Jewish novelty items: chai chairs, chai-fi stereos, chai ball glasses, chai jump equipment. Seeks women with chai standards. POB 13 Sincere rabbinical student, 27. Enjoys Yom Kippur, Tisha B'av, Tanis Esther, horn Gedaliah, Asarah B'Teves, Shiva Mar B'Tammuz. Seeks companion for living life in the "fast" lane. POB 90 Shul gabbai, 36.1 take out the Torah Saturday morning. Would like to take you out Saturday night. Please write. POB 81 BERYL LYNCH DISCOUNT BROKERS MISHUGINAH PUTTY WE OFFER DISCOUNTS SO It Stretches - it ► ounces- it lies down like a lox. LOW OUR COMMISSIONS ARE REFERRED TO AS TIPS. Beryl 'synch \\ , • MIDDLE AGE MUTANT NINJA RABBI'S YOUNGER BROTHER Comes with T'Fillin, Talis & Cartel 1-900-WE-TRADE* MOTTEL THINK OF US AS MERRILL'S *S2 MR THE FIRST TE..75 EACH AtmrrIONAI. KIDS. DON'T BOTHER YOUR PARENTS FOR PERMiSsurs.... JUST CALL MY LITTLE SHTEIBEL Comes with broken benches, ark, authentic siddur & pushka PLAYSHULI) icitacm c g s ° ° VS THE DETROIT JEWISH NEWS 51