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March 09, 1990 - Image 51

Resource type:
Text
Publication:
The Detroit Jewish News, 1990-03-09

Disclaimer: Computer generated plain text may have errors. Read more about this.

PURIM SPOOF PURIM SPOOF PURIM SPOOF PURIM SPOOF PURIM SPOOF PURIM SPOOF

Getting Personal

Jewish Princess, 28, seeks successful businessman of any
major Jewish demonmination: hundreds, fifties, twenties.
POB 27.

I was reform as an embryo, conservative as a fetus,
orthodox from birth. Seeking same. POB 46

by Mogen Freedman

Your plates or mine? Divorced man, 42, with fleishig dishes
only. Seeking woman with nice milchig set. Object macaroni.
POB 77

Me, I drive for a living. Haddassah tours.
Amit Women, Bnai Brith singles, and
others like that. Ah, but my favorite pas-
senger is that irascible yenta Ms. Raisy
Bloom.
Let me tell you about our latest outing.
Miss Raisy heard about this new enter-
tainment experience created by Heshey
Farkas, you know, the blintz king. Well it
seems Heshey got a good deal on a former
nuclear test site on 250 acres of Nevada
flatland and opened a spectacular new
theme village called HESHEY PARK.
So we went. Boy. was this some place.
Here are some of the exciting rides we
went on. I'll tell you it was an experience
we won't soon forget.

The Murray-Go-Round: Mur-

ray Golden, C.P.A. provides a thrill a
minute by juggling books with uncanny
skill. Be amazed as he does miracles with
figures and goes for the gold ring(available
at wholesale prices). Miss Raisy adored
this one.

The Tunnel of Like: For those

who are just not quite ready to commit,
this ride takes you on a journey deep
within a dark place. Separate boats for
men and women available on Mondays
and Wednesdays.

The Chicken Soup Flume:

This breathtaking ride down a cascading
fall of chicken soup can be called the
eighth wonder of the world. Seated in your

Professional Jewish athlete, winner of Davis Cup, America
Cup, Stanley Cup. Seeking non-Jewish woman. Goyishe Cup.
POB 58

Nice Jewish accountant, 31. Looking for a "10", 25-30. 5'-
5'6", 95-105 lbs., 36-24-36, area code 212, 718, or 201.
I've got your number. POB 1099

' Orthodox woman with get, seeks man who got get or can get
get. Get it? I'll show you mine if you show me yours. POB 72

Desperately seeking shmoozing! Retired senior citizen
desires female companion 70+ for kvetching, kvelling,
krechtzing. Under 30 is also okay. P013 64

If you can't stand the heat, get out the blech. Heimishe
balabusta, 39, will cook you such a tzimmes. Hurry, it's
getting cold. POB 96

Heshey Park-an aerial view

own individual ladle you go over the falls
at speeds reaching up to 10 miles per fat
globule. Miss Raisy almost got hit by one
of the Matzo Ball Boulders. she loved it.

The Dessert Safari: A terrify ing

trip through a Jewish blood stream dodg-
ing the challenge of high cholestoral
snacks.

Bubby's House of Horrors:

Eh, shalom aleichem...So maybe you want to meet me,
although all right you probably don't . Nu, so if you change
your mind, maybe epess you'll write me, but if not, its
okay, I understand. My name is Shaya Bochur. FOB 55

Successful orhodox diamond cutter. Both Shea and Yankee
Stadium. No Shabbos games. Will not mow lawn during
s'firah. Seeking wife. POB 41

Chicken Soup Land: includes a
chicken soup slide for the kids. bump 'em
soup nuts (insurance available) and story
time with park mascot Soup-R-Man. .

A haunted house where plastic slip covers
come alive. a strange sweet odor is always
present and the TV always has static.

Matzo supplier, 53, seeks cloth bag manufacturer. Let's play
"Hide the Afikoman." P08 61

The Hall of Mirrers: Miss Raisy

Planet of the Goyim: An in-

tells me that the Mirrer Yeshiva is consid-
erd one of the finest intitutes of Jewish
learning in the world. What would you
look like if you were a yeshiva boy (or
girl)? Through the miracle of fiber optics.
micro-computer technology. mylar. vel-
cro, and shmaltz, your image will he re-
flected back at you as though you lived in
the 18th century Europe. Yentl floss extra.

credible simulation Of Iowa. You'd swear
the wheat was real, and the food isn't.

Looking for a great husband? "Mr. Dependable," always
there for you. A faithful companion at all times. Your
salvation in any emergency. No Saturday or Holiday calls,
please. PUB 92

Well, all in all it was some adventure we
had that day. That woman just tires me out.
Next week I get to do something a bit more
leisurely—wind surfing in the Negev with
the Fairfax Federation Seniors. tell you
about it later. Bye for now.

uw Passover Products Worth Passing Over

HOROWITZ'S
MARGARETIN-A
MATZOH

DOMINO'S
MATZOH

Delicious matzoh ready
in only 18 minutes.
Shmura. Egg, Chocolate
and Regular pies.Sorry,
we don't deliver.
What's the
matter you
can't walk?

100%

wholewheat

MATZOHS

The amazing new
kosher snack that
clears up bad skin
as you eat your way
to a better
complexion

Divorced? looking for someone to play with? Sign on with
us. the New York Gets. Games all season. Switch hitters
welcome. POB 74

Handsome, very funny comedy writer, 42, divorced,
sneaking in this real ad among all the fake ones. Contact the
publisher.

Agnostic dyslexic male, seeks similar female to discuss
whether or not there really is a DOG. POB 83

Can't meet women?
Want to meet women?
Ready to meet women?
Join Amit Women. POB 60

'

Conservative rabbi, 45, I count women for the minyan and
call them up to the Torah. Seeking female to make aliyah.
POB 50

Businessman, 51, manufactures Jewish novelty items: chai
chairs, chai-fi stereos, chai ball glasses, chai jump equipment.
Seeks women with chai standards.
POB 13

Sincere rabbinical student, 27. Enjoys Yom Kippur, Tisha
B'av, Tanis Esther, horn Gedaliah, Asarah B'Teves, Shiva
Mar B'Tammuz. Seeks companion for living life in the "fast"
lane. POB 90

Shul gabbai, 36.1 take out the Torah Saturday morning.
Would like to take you out Saturday night. Please write.
POB 81

BERYL LYNCH
DISCOUNT BROKERS

MISHUGINAH
PUTTY

WE OFFER DISCOUNTS SO

It Stretches - it ► ounces-
it lies down like a lox.

LOW OUR COMMISSIONS ARE

REFERRED TO AS TIPS.

Beryl 'synch

\\ ,



MIDDLE AGE
MUTANT
NINJA RABBI'S

YOUNGER BROTHER

Comes with T'Fillin,
Talis & Cartel

1-900-WE-TRADE*

MOTTEL

THINK OF US AS MERRILL'S

*S2 MR THE FIRST

TE..75 EACH AtmrrIONAI.

KIDS. DON'T BOTHER YOUR PARENTS FOR PERMiSsurs....

JUST CALL

MY LITTLE SHTEIBEL

Comes with broken benches, ark,
authentic siddur & pushka

PLAYSHULI)

icitacm c g s ° ° VS

THE DETROIT JEWISH NEWS

51

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