PURIM SPOOF PURIM SPOOF PURIM SPOOF PURIM SPOOF PURIM SPOOF PURIM SPOOF
Jewish Princess, 28, seeks successful businessman of any
major Jewish demonmination: hundreds, fifties, twenties.
I was reform as an embryo, conservative as a fetus,
orthodox from birth. Seeking same. POB 46
by Mogen Freedman
Your plates or mine? Divorced man, 42, with fleishig dishes
only. Seeking woman with nice milchig set. Object macaroni.
Me, I drive for a living. Haddassah tours.
Amit Women, Bnai Brith singles, and
others like that. Ah, but my favorite pas-
senger is that irascible yenta Ms. Raisy
Let me tell you about our latest outing.
Miss Raisy heard about this new enter-
tainment experience created by Heshey
Farkas, you know, the blintz king. Well it
seems Heshey got a good deal on a former
nuclear test site on 250 acres of Nevada
flatland and opened a spectacular new
theme village called HESHEY PARK.
So we went. Boy. was this some place.
Here are some of the exciting rides we
went on. I'll tell you it was an experience
we won't soon forget.
The Murray-Go-Round: Mur-
ray Golden, C.P.A. provides a thrill a
minute by juggling books with uncanny
skill. Be amazed as he does miracles with
figures and goes for the gold ring(available
at wholesale prices). Miss Raisy adored
The Tunnel of Like: For those
who are just not quite ready to commit,
this ride takes you on a journey deep
within a dark place. Separate boats for
men and women available on Mondays
The Chicken Soup Flume:
This breathtaking ride down a cascading
fall of chicken soup can be called the
eighth wonder of the world. Seated in your
Professional Jewish athlete, winner of Davis Cup, America
Cup, Stanley Cup. Seeking non-Jewish woman. Goyishe Cup.
Nice Jewish accountant, 31. Looking for a "10", 25-30. 5'-
5'6", 95-105 lbs., 36-24-36, area code 212, 718, or 201.
I've got your number. POB 1099
' Orthodox woman with get, seeks man who got get or can get
get. Get it? I'll show you mine if you show me yours. POB 72
Desperately seeking shmoozing! Retired senior citizen
desires female companion 70+ for kvetching, kvelling,
krechtzing. Under 30 is also okay. P013 64
If you can't stand the heat, get out the blech. Heimishe
balabusta, 39, will cook you such a tzimmes. Hurry, it's
getting cold. POB 96
Heshey Park-an aerial view
own individual ladle you go over the falls
at speeds reaching up to 10 miles per fat
globule. Miss Raisy almost got hit by one
of the Matzo Ball Boulders. she loved it.
The Dessert Safari: A terrify ing
trip through a Jewish blood stream dodg-
ing the challenge of high cholestoral
Bubby's House of Horrors:
Eh, shalom aleichem...So maybe you want to meet me,
although all right you probably don't . Nu, so if you change
your mind, maybe epess you'll write me, but if not, its
okay, I understand. My name is Shaya Bochur. FOB 55
Successful orhodox diamond cutter. Both Shea and Yankee
Stadium. No Shabbos games. Will not mow lawn during
s'firah. Seeking wife. POB 41
Chicken Soup Land: includes a
chicken soup slide for the kids. bump 'em
soup nuts (insurance available) and story
time with park mascot Soup-R-Man. .
A haunted house where plastic slip covers
come alive. a strange sweet odor is always
present and the TV always has static.
Matzo supplier, 53, seeks cloth bag manufacturer. Let's play
"Hide the Afikoman." P08 61
The Hall of Mirrers: Miss Raisy
Planet of the Goyim: An in-
tells me that the Mirrer Yeshiva is consid-
erd one of the finest intitutes of Jewish
learning in the world. What would you
look like if you were a yeshiva boy (or
girl)? Through the miracle of fiber optics.
micro-computer technology. mylar. vel-
cro, and shmaltz, your image will he re-
flected back at you as though you lived in
the 18th century Europe. Yentl floss extra.
credible simulation Of Iowa. You'd swear
the wheat was real, and the food isn't.
Looking for a great husband? "Mr. Dependable," always
there for you. A faithful companion at all times. Your
salvation in any emergency. No Saturday or Holiday calls,
please. PUB 92
Well, all in all it was some adventure we
had that day. That woman just tires me out.
Next week I get to do something a bit more
leisurely—wind surfing in the Negev with
the Fairfax Federation Seniors. tell you
about it later. Bye for now.
uw Passover Products Worth Passing Over
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The amazing new
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Divorced? looking for someone to play with? Sign on with
us. the New York Gets. Games all season. Switch hitters
welcome. POB 74
Handsome, very funny comedy writer, 42, divorced,
sneaking in this real ad among all the fake ones. Contact the
Agnostic dyslexic male, seeks similar female to discuss
whether or not there really is a DOG. POB 83
Can't meet women?
Want to meet women?
Ready to meet women?
Join Amit Women. POB 60
Conservative rabbi, 45, I count women for the minyan and
call them up to the Torah. Seeking female to make aliyah.
Businessman, 51, manufactures Jewish novelty items: chai
chairs, chai-fi stereos, chai ball glasses, chai jump equipment.
Seeks women with chai standards.
Sincere rabbinical student, 27. Enjoys Yom Kippur, Tisha
B'av, Tanis Esther, horn Gedaliah, Asarah B'Teves, Shiva
Mar B'Tammuz. Seeks companion for living life in the "fast"
lane. POB 90
Shul gabbai, 36.1 take out the Torah Saturday morning.
Would like to take you out Saturday night. Please write.
WE OFFER DISCOUNTS SO
It Stretches - it ► ounces-
it lies down like a lox.
LOW OUR COMMISSIONS ARE
REFERRED TO AS TIPS.
Comes with T'Fillin,
Talis & Cartel
THINK OF US AS MERRILL'S
*S2 MR THE FIRST
TE..75 EACH AtmrrIONAI.
KIDS. DON'T BOTHER YOUR PARENTS FOR PERMiSsurs....
MY LITTLE SHTEIBEL
Comes with broken benches, ark,
authentic siddur & pushka
icitacm c g s ° ° VS
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