PURIM SPOOF PURIM SPOOF PURIM SPOOF PURIM SPOOF PURIM SPOOF PURIM SPOOF

She SayS. "It's not a pig. it's a calf." I said. "I was
talking to the calf!"
...In the words of Lot. "Pass Iny
please!"

The world of archaeology was stunned this week
with the discovery of the oldest Biblical manu-
scripts of all time. The ancient writings. found in a
cave in theValley of the Rimshot. are fragments of
comedy routines dating back 3,500 years to the days
of Abraham. with some gags even older. from the
files of Milton Berle. Historians have dubbed the
manuscripts "The Dead Sea Comedy Scrolls."
Experts are unsure who wrote the original
material, but references indicate it was performed
by Moses. known to have played the Palace in
Egypt.

„Hey. Vou fOlks didn't boo me t•hen I struck that
rock and of v•ater f o r you.

The following are excerpts from the Scrolls:

...Good evening. ladies and generals.. I just or
back from breaking the Tablets on Mount Sinai,
and boy. are my (11771S til•Cd.
...LCI71171C tell \mi. when I play the mountains. I
play the mountains!
...So I'm c.oming down from Sinai. ancl l see .a11
Israelite t•oinan building a co(((ed idol. I Say.
. what are .vol( doing with that pig:)"

Moses Playing the Dunes

You Don't Eat Non-Kosher
Why Should Your Dog?

The tangy taste that'll keep
your pet hopping.

The delightful
doggie treat-
just add chicken
soup.

Chunks of tough
meat. hunks of bone just like
humans eat

Spread it on a
cracker-it's not
just chopped liver!

fi

East Germany
Extends A
Happy Hanukah

In a move that stunned Jewish leaders around
the world, El'st German Communist Party chief,
Rolf Weltshmertzer announced that the party's
top priority is itsdesire "for the world to

have a Happy Hanukah."

Jewish leaders noted that this was the first
time any communist organization had endorsed
a Jewish holiday, although they were puzzeled
at the timing, with it coming, months after Hanu-
kah and only one week before Purim.
Later. it was discovered that the German was
actually refering to the former party boss and
President, Eric Hoeneker, now under house arrest
by the new East German government and report-
edly suffering from a severe bout of depression.

52

FRIDAY, MARCH 9, 1990

osher . food fit

f ora d

Collie-Challie.
The rubberized-
! rawhide chew-it-
. over-&-over
Shabbos toy.

FEDERATION
PURCHASES
METROPOLITAN
DETROIT

In an effort to stabilize fluctuating local Jewish
neighborhoods, the Jewish Welfare Federation
this week announced its decision to purchase
metropolitan Detroit.
"We're thrilled!" said Federation Executive
Vice President Robert Aronson. "And we look
forward to working with everybody involved
in the project."
Aronson would not discuss figures, but
sources say the Federation purchased the city
for $19.95, plus tax. A special dinner for big
givers — those who donate $1 and over — is
planned for the fall at the Renaissance Center,
which will be converted to a shul to accom-
modate the increasing number of Chinese Jews
immigrating to the area. It will be renamed the
Hong Congregation, or HongCong.
The Federation is said to be looking into pur-
chasing other cities, including Mt. Clemens and
Saline, to further solidify the Detroit Jewish
community.

...Life is funny, you know? Two E ‘f.:yptions are
v•at•hin • the Lag B'emer parctde. One Egyptian
SayS. "Today must he the 32nd day of omer ." The
other one SayS. "ACtUally WS the 33rd day, but
1,vho's counting?"
„And how about this cold weather? Oust passed
the Twelve Tribes of Israel. and their hands were
cupped over the Burning Bush!
...Hey. you folks didn't boo 17IC when I parted the .
waters of the Red Sea and you got out of Egypt!
...Well, I gotta go. You've been a ,1;reat People.
Just remember. my name's Moses. SOMe Of you
probably knew My 1)1I17171', Grandma Moses. She
married a guy so .short that. at their wedding.
under the chuppah, the glass stepped on him!
...You guys hare been great...Goodnight!

ADL Opposed to
Reunification

Sean Goldberg. general counsel for ADL, announced
on Monday that B'nai Brith w as taking a definitive stand
Lulainst reunification, not just of East and West Germany,
but of any entities around the world. "After Europe there
will be calls for reunification of North and South Korea.
North and South Dakota and. finally. North and South
Carolina." Goldberg forecasted. "The concentration of
redneck anti-semites and Klansmen in a reunified single
state of Carolina is a frightening prospect."
Goldberg also said the ADL is opposed to the reunifi-
cation of Sonny & Cher, the Osmonds and the Righteous
Brothers. Marty Allen and Steve Rossi (of Allen & Rossi)
split up a number of years ago. then recently got hack
together again and what a catastrophe it turned out to be?"
said Goldberg. "One shudders to think what torture a
Lewis & Martin reunification could bring.
The ADL spokeslawyer added that his organization's
oppostion to reunification knows no bounds or limits. It
includes all forms of matchmaking, corporate mergers
and acquisitions, unified boxing title bouts and title hold-
ers. the Unification Church, Oreo cookies. closed zip-
pers, micro-surgery to reattach cut off limbs. matching
outfits. closed sandwichs (McDLT's are acceptable he-
cause the bun halves are kept separate): the freezing of the
Beiring Straits in winter. the Rolling Stones tour, glues,
pastes. rubber cement, adhesive tapes and velcro.

Purim Parade Magazine

.411 Rights Reserved

Purim Parade is published as a satire for the Jewish community for
Purim and is wholly fictitious in nature. Any resemblance to real
people. places and things is purely satirical in nature.

Publisher/Editor
Steve Fox

Associate Editor/Design Director
Julius Weil

Art Director
Ellen Hauser

Contributing Writers
Meish Goldish
Marvin Silbermintz
David 'Beryl' Phillips
Moshe Botwinick

Photographer
Michael Newler

We are not related to any other publications but do heartily endorse the
one you are reading. Any publication without written consent is
prohibited by rabbinical as well as judicial law and we mean it.

