MEDIA MONITOR BAIS CHABAD OF FARMINGTON HILLS 32000 Middlebelt Rd., Farmington Hills, MI 48018 presents an Exclusive Presentation By The World Renowned ROBERT KLEIMAN of SHIZRE KODESH CEREMONIAL WEAVING & TALLITOT Tuesday, March 13, 1990 7:30 p.m. Jews Urged To Fight German Reunification ARTHUR J. MAGIDA Special to The Jewish News T he strangest episode yet in German reunification fever was highlighted in the lead, front-page story of an issue of the Washington Times: "Party Chief Asks Jews To Oppose Germany Unity." According to a telephone interview that Times' reporter James Dorsey con- ducted with Jerusalem Rabbi Zvi Weinmann, the head of East Germany's Communist party, Gregor Gysi, had appealed to the international Jewish corn- munity for financial aid to maintain the independence of his country and thus pre- vent reunification. The rabbi told the Times that Gysi had told him "that a united Germany would be bad for the whole world and especially for the Jews. He said that because of Nazism, we Jews should be the ones leading the opposition to reunification of Germany." The rabbi was identified by the Times as "an Israeli Orthodox religious leader involved, in supporting efforts to reestablish Jewish life in East Germany." He quoted Gysi as saying, "The entire world is monitoring your [the Jewish] response to this issue. If you support reunification, why should anyone else oppose it? " Since East Germany has recently agreed to make reparation payments for crimes committed during the Nazi years, Gysi's proposal would, in effect, recycle money given to Jews back to the Communist state. Reacting to Gysi's corn- ments, one Israeli official said, "Ironically, the new regimes in Eastern Europe appear to still believe in the Protocols of Zion and show that by appealing to Jews for help." - The Protocols of Zion is a 19th-century anti-Semitic tract that alleged there was an international Jewish con- spiracy to dominate the world. `Lampoon' Scoops World On Jesus' Bar Mitzvah Hand-woven tallitot by CARINE k[EiMAN CARINE KLEIMAN HUTZOT HAYOTZER ART & CRAFTS CENTER (Near Jaffa Gate — outside Old City Walls) - JERUSALEM, ISRAEL PHONE (313) 855-2910 In its April issue, the Na- tional Lampoon, a magazine that has seen better — and funnier — days, prints a scoop that has eluded ar- chaeologists for centuries: The official account of the bar mitzvah of Jesus. The artifacts of the bar mitzvah were found, accor- ding to the Lampoon jokesters, in six an- cient, wide-necked earthen jars in a small, well- concealed cave" near Nazareth, the town where Jesus lived with his parents as a youth. The bar mitzvah featured bald locusts and pepper steak, cream of gentile soup with kreplach, and Herod fish in Sannhedrin sauce. The Lampoon noted that the menu also "definitively dates the Jewish practice of eating kugel to before the destruction of the Second Temple." Photos included Jesus wearing a crown of thorns and a halo while dancing with his mother. Also depicted: the 13-year-old helping an elderly woman cut his bar mitzvah cake. "Scholars," commented the madcaps who wrote this story, "have no way of de- termining whether this woman is the actual grand- mother of Jesus or just a local yenta." Other artifacts found in the fictional cave were an accordion, a $50 savings bond, a piece of lake sturgeon, a fountain pen and 34 FRIDAY, MARCH 2, 1990 `National Lampoons' bar mitzvah of Jesus. a book of matches monogrammed with the name, "Jesus." For some reason, the zany Lampoonists have a Judaic bent to their humor these days. The story immediately preceding Jesus' bar mitz- vah ends with a wedding of two dogs at which two rabbis officiate. As one rabbi says, "L'chaim, Now break the glass with your paw," the other is thinking, "You'll never convince me that they don't eat trayf." Israelis, Czechs Discuss Flights For Soviet Jews The "Washington Whispers" column in U.S. News & World Report has an intriguing tit-for-tat item: During Israeli Foreign Min- ister Moshe Aren's trip to Prague last month, Arens raised with Czechoslovak President Vaclav Havel the possibility of Aeroflot, the Soviet airline, routing part of the Soviet Jewish exodus via Prague. Havel proposed, "only half in jest," according to U.S. News, that the returning planes could fly home Soviet soldiers stationed in Czechoslovakia. Since Moscow contends that lack of housing in the USSR has delayed the promised troop withdrawal, Havel said the Kremlin could buy apart- ments vacated by emigrating Jews. The Arens-Havel discus- sion occurred before the Soviet government decided not to allow direct air flights between Israel and the USSR.