rJ I SINGLE LIFE Jewish Dating Continued from preceding page '90 CAVALIER 2 DR. STOCK #1202 FROM '90 BERETTA '90 CORSICA LT STOCK #1265 FROM STOCK #1255 FROM '90 LUMINA 2 DR. EURO. STOCK #1291 '90 LUMINA 4 DR. FROM STOCK #1186 FROM '90 CHEVY 3/4 TON CARGO VAN STOCK #T3263 FROM *Lease pymt. based on approved credit on 48 mos. closed end 60,000 total mileage w/10C per mile extra charge. To get total amt. multiply pymt. times 48. Subject to 4 0/0 use tax. 1st ma in advance. sec. dept. equal to 1st mo. pymt. plate cost extra. wrong with those "Jewish" qualities. (I should add here that a number of Jewish women similarly told me that they don't date Jewish men, because they "never" meet Jewish men they like. Jewish men are, they say, either wim- py and nerdy or pushy and materialistic. The elaborate romantic fantasy of living a simple life "in the country" pops up among women too; they too are striving to be purely American, to lose their complexities and complica- tions, to blend into the American landscape and be "normal" at last.) In synagogue one day, I spoke with an unmarried Jewish woman in her mid-30s. She actively is look- ing for a Jewish husband but knew why Jewish men don't want to date Jewish women: Because Jewish women are "controlling, domineering, judgmental. Just read Port- noy's Complaint that's the truth of the matter," she told me. "Jewish mothers are awful, and Jewish men want to avoid getting involved with women like them." (Ironical- ly, we were at a luncheon event, surrounded by Jewish mothers and men who love them and by many single Jewish men looking hard for Jewish spouses.) "Jewish self-hatred" — the old anti-Semitic stereotypes bottled for and drunk down by Jews — is a tired phrase, but is hard to ignore in this con- text. Are Jews really loud, crass, nerdy, materialistic, domineering — or is it that the expectations and stereo- types of WASP culture make — 42355 GRAND RIVER Just East of Novi Rd.. Novi DEA FARRAH MSW, ACSW is pleased to announce her association with THE MAPLE CLINIC 950 E. Maple, Birmingham PSYCHOTHERAPY SERVICES FOR: • Children • Adolescents • Adults — EATING DISORDER SPECIALTY — Most Insurances Accepted 646-6659 -FEN1W-SITIN 553.9966 Talent Agency Jery Fenby 5 + 2 Tango Simone Vitale Sunset Boulevard Higher Ground Bill Meyers Tim Hewitt Rare Blend Sun Messengers Loving Cup Classix George Benson Jazz Krosswinds Seasons DJs including ERIC HARRIS VIDEOS AVAILABLE FOR ALL BANDS 98 FRIDAY, FEBRUARY 2, 1990 MARLA FELDMAN LEASING MANAGER AND RETAIL SALES GOLDENBERG uOT O GRAPH Market Street 3504420 ra 111ack - m Pik AND HIS ORCHESTRA 358-3642 Combo • Big Band} CLASSIFIEDS GET RESULTS! Call The Jewish News 354.6060 us repulsive strangers to ourselves? I will leave that for you to decide. But a local psychologist, while dismissing the stereotype, suggested an in- teresting twist on the notion that Jewish men are fleeing their mothers. In relation- ships, she told me, people largely respond to their pro- jection of the other person. Jewish men, trained to be obedient and respectful of their mothers, therefore may experience Jewish women as demanding, whereas gentile women, for whom they don't pack the same baggage, are perceived as more docile and with whom it is easier for the insecure Jewish male to assert himself. From this analysis, you might deduce then, that many Jewish men are kind of wimpy. But, on the other hand, you might derive that Jewish men are — or have the capacity to be — nice, family- oriented, tending toward corn- promise, kindliness and the cultivation of the feminine in themselves — not cool dudes like the Guy in the Beer Commercial. And what, as I said before, is wrong with that? Nothing, of course. The tragedy of the Jewish single is perhaps to be so often mired in fantasies which engender hostility and suspi- cion between those men and women, Jews, who should most naturally be drawn to one another in love. ❑ David Margolis is married and lives in California. This piece originally appeared in the Los Angeles Jewish Journal. Service For Singles Is Scheduled In Flint RICHARD PEARL Staff Writer A singles Shabbat ser- vice —believed the first such organized gathering of Jewish singles in Flint since 1987 — is scheduled for 8 p.m. Feb. 2 at Flint's Temple Beth El. "We haven't had a gather- ing of singles in Flint in about two years," said Gary Flinn, a member of the Reform temple's ritual committee and organizer of the Shabbat service. Flinn, 35, belonged to the now- defunct Shalom group, a combination young mar- rieds-singles organization in Flint which he said last met in 1987. Jewish singles in Saginaw and East Lansing also have been invited to the Feb. 2 service, in addition to the nearly 50 never-married or divorced singles age 45 and under listed for Flinn by Flint's Jewish Social Ser- vices. The service will be con- ducted by Rabbi Peter K. Gluck — who's also single — and babysitters are available. Flinn said Beth Israel president Harold Steinman "is definitely in favor of the singles Shabbat" and added a similar service may be offered at Congregation Beth Israel, Flint's Conser- vative synagogue, if the first one is a success. Flinn, who works in a N (—\