ROMANCE

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the parents' voice of persuasion plays
less of a role."
Actually, the husband is the person
who replaces the mother's role in
helping to plan the event from begin-
ning to end. "The second time, it's the
bride and the groom, and the bride
does have a higher expectation of in-
volvement from her intended hus-
band. Areas like choosing a bridal
dress are no longer confined to just the
woman. The man often goes along,
Slawson observes.
The demographics of second wed-
dings, compared to the days when it
was a stereotypical older man marry-
ing a younger woman, are shifting;
second weddings are also more ac-
ceptable to society. "A lot of that is
because divorce has become more ac-
cepted and widows, once considered
old and not interested in second wed-
ding fanfare, are changing their tune.
Now widows, of every age, are being
shown that they can have a spectacular
event and they don't have to wear drab
colors and underplay the ceremony':
Slawson says.
Slawson maintains that from the ini-
tial planning stage to the day of the
wedding, it is essential for the couple
to communicate and keep the ro-
mance alive.
"A lot can get lost with all the
preparations. I have found that women
who go out with their fiances the day
before the wedding or spend the day
together when they pick up their wed-
ding rings, are able to rekindle some
of those old feelings, which may have
gotten lost," she says.

A Good Idea

big wedding for an unmar-
ried couple who have
been living together for
some time isn't as silly as
it may seem, says University of
Michigan sociologist Martin Whyte.
"Elaborate weddings help stress the
differences between cohabitation and
marriage — two stages that may seem
to be alike but are actually two funda-
mentally different states," he notes.

A