Once they are told, stepchildren should be made to feel included in the preparations, but never pressured. "When planning the wedding, ifs best to try matching the child's interest with the various stages of the wedding. If the daughter likes to shop, have her go with you to select a dress. If the son likes music, then have him help choose the musicians': says Slawson. As for the actual ceremony, Slawson says children should be considered when deciding who walks down the aisle. "The woman has many options. Some choose to have everyone stand- ing up there as she walks down the aisle; others want a more formal pro- cessional. Its important to have those people who mean something to you included," she says. Once these decisions are made and the entire family is informed of your plans, its not necessary to put an an- nouncement in the paper. "She can announce it by a phone call or clever note to friends or at an engagement party," suggests Slawson, who feels strongly that the second-time bride should have all the prewedding par- ties, like bridal showers and that men should be invited. "It allows the couple to meet each other's friends, often for the first time." After the bride formally announces the impending nuptials, she usually begins to question whether or not she will take the husband's last name. Often, her decision depends on which generation she belongs to and what her ideals are. "Women who have their first husband's name for many years, both personally and professionally, keep it and hyphenate the new last name," says Slawson. "Other women, especially those married in the 1970s during the height of women's lib, tend to retain their maiden names:' The last major problem area is often religion because, the second time around, many women enter interfaith marriages. "She tends to now select a mate from a wider pool of faiths': says Slawson, who notes that many religious ceremonies are now modified to include the couple's own vows. "The whole issue of converting to the mate's faith seems to be less likely the second time around because they are both more set in their convictions and Custom Design Wedding Cakes No Preservatives All Fresh Ingredients Also • Bar/Bat Mitzvah Cakes • Pastries • Tea Sandwiches • Hot & Cold Catering 553-7650 27881 Orchard Lake In the Orchard 12 Plaza Farmington Hills Your Wedding Is Special to You... And to Us. • Invitations • Stationery • Gifts Best Of All Always 20% Off ENCORE III LaMirage 29555 Northwestern Hwy. Southfield, MI 354-6160 • Rentals • And Much • Party Planning More! • Impeccable Service • Delivery 28611 W. Twelve Mile Rd. • Farmington Hills, MI 48018 • (313) 478.2030 Located in the Birmingham Temple (Reception facility available to nondimembers) Continued on Page 86 The Jewish News 75