Once they are told, stepchildren
should be made to feel included in the
preparations, but never pressured.
"When planning the wedding, ifs best
to try matching the child's interest
with the various stages of the wedding.
If the daughter likes to shop, have her
go with you to select a dress. If the
son likes music, then have him help
choose the musicians': says Slawson.
As for the actual ceremony, Slawson
says children should be considered
when deciding who walks down the
aisle. "The woman has many options.
Some choose to have everyone stand-
ing up there as she walks down the
aisle; others want a more formal pro-
cessional. Its important to have those
people who mean something to you
included," she says.
Once these decisions are made and
the entire family is informed of your
plans, its not necessary to put an an-
nouncement in the paper. "She can
announce it by a phone call or clever
note to friends or at an engagement
party," suggests Slawson, who feels
strongly that the second-time bride
should have all the prewedding par-
ties, like bridal showers and that men
should be invited. "It allows the couple
to meet each other's friends, often for
the first time."
After the bride formally announces
the impending nuptials, she usually
begins to question whether or not she
will take the husband's last name.
Often, her decision depends on which
generation she belongs to and what
her ideals are. "Women who have their
first husband's name for many years,
both personally and professionally,
keep it and hyphenate the new last
name," says Slawson. "Other women,
especially those married in the 1970s
during the height of women's lib, tend
to retain their maiden names:'
The last major problem area is often
religion because, the second time
around, many women enter interfaith
marriages. "She tends to now select
a mate from a wider pool of faiths':
says Slawson, who notes that many
religious ceremonies are now modified
to include the couple's own vows.
"The whole issue of converting to the
mate's faith seems to be less likely the
second time around because they are
both more set in their convictions and
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Continued on Page 86
The Jewish News
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