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Later, Mom
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90
DOCTOR
DISCO
FRIDAY, NOVEMBER 10, 1989
had to volunteer their house,"
said one member.
Several mothers have
returned to full-time jobs, and
some work on a part-time
basis, while others have opted
to stay home or change
careers altogether. Debbie
Metier, previously employed
as a social worker, recently
started her own business pro-
ducing puppet shows for
children's birthday parties.
"Our families are also
somewhat non-traditional,"
said Fagenson-Rubin. "We
have women who are married
for the first time, women who
have been married before but
had no children, and several
stepfamilies with different
age children and custodial ar-
rangements."
Perhaps the most unique
situation is that of Brenda
Saperstein. Her husband,
Harvey, 56, who has adult
children from a previous mar-
riage, became a grandfather
two months after Brenda
gave birth to their daughter,
Sari Marissa.
"Harvey's become our
legend," laughed one of the
mothers. "We hold him up as
an example to our husbands,
who are always complaining
that they're too old to be hav-
ing babies!'
Occasionally the group uses
outside speakers, such as a
consultant who spoke about
"babyproofing" the home.
One member's husband, a
psychologist, was recruited to
talk about handling temper
tantrums when he happened
to come home from work one
Wednesday night and found
the mothers discussing the
subject.
"Mainly, we feel that we're
own best resources," said
Bakalar. "We manage to raise
issues that are bothering us,
like feeding, or travelling
with a baby, and we've been
able to share ideas and get
support!'
"We recommend books,
vacation spots, and problem-
solving methods that have
worked for us," said
Fagenson-Rubin. "But most
important is having someone
to laugh with, to share the
happy moments and the prob-
lems that come with having
kids at our age!'
She remembers the time
she was mistaken for her
son's grandmother in a store.
"I was so embarrassed;' she
said, "and then I told the
story in the group, and Har-
riet said it happens to her all
the time. We were able to
laugh about it, and I felt
much better."
All of the mothers agree
that the supportive at-
mosphere of the group is the
main reason for its success.
"Whenever a group of
mothers gets together, there's
usually the potential for com-
petition, with everyone com-
paring their kids," said
Fagenson-Rubin. "I haven't
felt any of this in our group.
Mainly there's a lot of en-
couragement and support for
each other!' El