CLOSE-UP In Search Of The Jewish Father Let us now praise famous men, And our fathers that begat us .. . All these were honored in their generations, And were the glory of their times. The Apocrypha ARTHUR J. MAGIDA Assistant Editor 24 FRIDAY, JUNE 16, 1989 he jury is still out on whether the father is still "the glory of his time." Not that he doesn't deserve to be honored and respected year- round and, at least once every 12 months — this Sunday, Father's Day — allowed to sleep late. But the role of fathers, especially the Jewish father, is now undergoing such- a transition that the "glory" may have to wait until the smoke has cleared and one can decipher just what a father is and what is expected of one. Fatherhood, in fact, is in such a state of change that it is difficult, if not impossi- ble, to arrive at one all-encompassing image that neatly encapsulates the con- temporary Jewish father. The Jewish mother, for instance, has been stereo- typed so much — and so nastily — that to mention "Jewish" and "mother" in the same sentence is to invite snickers. The Jewish Mom is supposedly overbearing, long-suffering, self-sacrificing, all- consuming. Her life is her home, her chil- dren, her husband. She is there to serve them all, goes the image — whether they like it or not. But the Jewish Pop? To Woody Allen, he is a schlemiel; to Philip Roth, he is a victim (often of his wife); to the rest of us, he is whatever we may perceive him to be: provider or nurturer, sage or dunce, the fellow who changes diapers in the even- ings or works in the office late at night, the guy who mows the lawn on Sunday afternoons or the one who goes to UJA meetings Sunday mornings. Or all of the above. And therein lies the rub. lbday's as- similated Jewish father is not part of a tradition. By becoming "more American" and being so ferociously upwardly mobile, many Jewish fathers have abandoned the roles of the men who preceded them. They have to redefine themselves as fathers and as "Jewish fathers" — at a time when both are undergoing transformation. This is not to say that the traditional Jewish father was a raving success. Ab- T raham's readiness to sacrifice Isaac may have meant that his faith in God was rock-solid, but it would not have won him a Father of the Year Award today. And the shtetl father who distanced himself from his family by studying for long hours in shul is echoed, said New York author Susan Weidman Schneider, by some Orthodox fathers today "who hide behind their Gemarah and say, `Shaa, shaa' ['Quiet, quiet'] to their children, as I often hear from social workers who work in the Orthodox community." In the past, there was certainty about what a Jewish father should do and how he should do it. There is now confusion, almost a floundering. But at least, this is a shared confusion: Throughout society, gender roles are changing. More mothers work full-time, more fathers help out with the kids, and almost everyone is less sure about what a parent should do to guarantee financial security — and a warm, loving family life. Most everyone agrees that change is in the air, but not everyone is satisfied with the rate of this change. The pace, said Letty Cotton Pogrebin, a columnist for Ms. magazine, "is not fast enough for the good of children and the good of fathers. Some Jewish children are starved for their fathers. They may not even see their fathers in daylight because they come home so late from work. Jewish fathers are the most success-oriented in the na- tion. They relate more to their workplace than to home." Pogrebin attributed the quest for a new role for Jewish fathers' to "Jewish mothers who are demanding it," to a "younger generation that will not stand" for the older, less satisfying roles — and to "young men who want a better emo- tional balance in their life." Fathers of Old F or centuries, Jewish society centered around its religion — a patriarchal religion. Religion authority flowed through the male. Men were learned and devout. They studied and prayed in the shul. To sons in the shtetls of Eastern Europe, fathers were remote authoritarian figures and fairly formal teachers of the Talmud; to their daughters, they were more easygoing and indulgent. But it was the mother who ran the daily life of the home. Here, she was para- mount. The father, when he was there, gave knowledge; the mother, who was al- ways there, gave affection. The mother ruled the roost, although the father was occasionally held up as the court of last