AYATOLLAH DEMANDS
AMEGILLAII APOLOGY

EXCLUSIVE PHOTOS

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Actual photos taken off Iranian television showing the Ayatollah's reaction to the megillah

Hot on the heels of the
Satanic Verses controversy
comes news that the Ayatollah
Khomeini has issued a decree
denouncing the Megillah as an-
ti-Iranian.
In a lengthy and partially
unintelligible statement issued
through press aid Shut-Yar
Mufti, the Shiite leader took
"extreme exception" to the
way Jews have been
celebrating Purim, and espe-
cially the fact that the events
took place in Persia, which is
now Iran.
"It is an outrage to Shiites
everywhere," Khomeini said.
"Too long has the Zionist
Satan of money lenders

perverted the truth about
Haman. Shiites all over the
world must sever the tentacles
of the Jewish media machine
that perpetrates such a lie."
He called on his followers to
track down Mordechai and
"hang him from the highest
tree."
The Shiite hit the fan when
the Ayatollah was told by his
advisers that the author of the
Megillah passed away thous-
ands of years ago. He angrily
ordered all existing Megillahs
destroyed.
Meanwhile the Pentagon is
closely monitoring the forma-
tion of Iranian hit squads
called Megillah Guerillas.

Say It Ain't So, Sly

The Academy of Motion Pictures in
Hollywood has announced that it
will remove all of the "Rocky" and
"Rambo" films from distribution
after Sylvester Stallone announced
today that he was on steroids while
making the movies.

LITERATES SPEAK

Reaction from the literary
community was swift and chal-
lenging. Salmon Rushhour, the
controversial writer now living
in Ramat Gan, Israel, said it
sounds vaguely familiar.

Norman Blackmailer vowed to
publish an adult version of the
Megilla describing Esther's af-
fair with the king in more
graphic terms.

Philip Rothstein reflected on
his trouble in the past with
reactions to his books and an-
nounced that he will soon
publish Ayatollah's Complaint.

Katz Stevenson, former rock
star-turned Muslim, said the
authors of the Megillah will be
struck within a moon shadow.

THE DETROIT JEWISH NEWS

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