JEWISH NEWS ANNUAL Mild SPOOF

Confusion over Who Knew?

Who, Who, Who

WHYARAFAT said
the magic words

HOW THE U.S.
changed course

WHAT NEXT in the
Middle East

Arafat Reveals Plan To
Become Fashion Model

Yassir Arafat admitted in a
candid interview in the current
issue of Vogue that his ap-
pearance on the cover of
Time magazine last December
was the fulfillment of a life-long
dream to be a model.
"I've wanted to show off the
real me ever since I won the
Ringo Starr Look Alike Con-
test in Baghdad," gushed the
stubbly Arafat, who sported a
mauve, gossamer silk creation
of his own design in the
Vogue layout.
" All of this political stuff
was just a chance to get my
name in the public eye so the
fashion world could discover

For

me as a model and designer."
The PLO leader said he
plans to pose for the
Playgirl centerfold next month,
where it is rumored that he will
not only remove his kaffiya but
will also reveal his most secret
possession: his Mideast two-
piece plan.
"I have a statement to make
to the world," said Arafat, "a
fashion statement that will
revolutionize men's looks:
simply put, men should wear
shmattes on their head, shave
every 16th day and not only
smell like but look like a lit
cigar."

The Lcttest

The greatest religious con-
troversy to divide Israeli and
American Jewry continues
unabated, primarily because no
one can agree on what the con-
troversy is really all about.
"The question of Who Has
The Flu is one that has rocked
the medical world," asserted
Dr. Chaim Phlegm, who led an
American delegation of physi-
cians to Israel.
But upon arrival, the group
was arrested by an Israeli
military convoy demanding to
know Who's Leading The
Coup?
An Israeli shepherd was also
being held by police after he
was overheard asking Who
Has My Ewe? He found
himself sharing a cell with a

veterinarian demanding to
know Who Has A Gnu? and a
drunkard asking Who Has A
Brew?
Followers of the Lubejobber
Rebbe in Brooklyn said they
had been maligned and
misunderstood and were simp-
ly asking Who's Heading This
Crew?
Meanwhile, Israeli Prime
Minister Shamir, after meeting
with several planeloads of
furious UJA leaders, said he is
looking into the entire problem,
underscoring the need for
better Diaspora-Israel com-
munication, "but of course this
is a very difficult, troubling
matter," he said. "Who Has A
Clue?"

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24

FRIDAY, MARCH 17, 1989