Sometimes, the groom's family is
willing to help but the bride's family
rejects their offer. "I had a question
from a groom's family who could afford
to contribute," recalls Gruen. They
said they'd pay for their portion of the
guest list. The groom's mother asked,
`How do I get them to let me pay?'
There is no way you can insist they
accept your offer.
"Very often you have to think
from their point of view. Some people
just want a small wedding and not a
lot of strangers, and the groom's family
should honor this. If the bride has 50
guests and the groom has 150, it
becomes one-sided:"
There is also the rare occasion
when, because of extenuating

"Weddings are still the
number one problem
people write about," says
Jeff Zaslow who replaced
Ann Landers at the
Chicago Sun Times. He
often receives letters about
expenses and etiquette.

-

circumstances, the groom's parents
assume the entire financial
responsibility for the wedding and
reception.

"When the groom's family pays,
I talk to them and tell them it is their
money but the gracious thing to do is
to bring the bride's family into the
planning," says one wedding
consultant and party planner.
"Whoever pays for the wedding can
tell the other side how many to invite
but, if possible, the nice way to handle
it is to split the list evenly."
Wedding etiquette experts
currently suggest the division of the
guest list be the equivalent of a pie
cut into fourths, designed to include
the bride's, groom's and each of their
family's lists. Nowadays, many families
look upon this as a matter of respect
toward their about-to-be married
offspring's future in-laws, the

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THE JEWISH NEWS 25