What if 1988 didn't end?

❑ December, 1988 would be the longest month in
history.
❑ Ronald Reagan would remain president forever.
❑ Spring would never come.
❑ There would never be another. World Series,
Superbowl, Miss America contest or Academy
Awards presentation on TV.
❑ We'd all stay the same age.
❑ The Soviets would never pull their troops out of
Afghanistan.

How many new years will
there be in 1989?

lb° many

.

In 1989, these years will occur in the following ten calendar
systems:
Byzantine — 7498, starting Sept. 14.
Jewish — 5750, starting sunrise on Sept. 29.
Chinese — 4687, starting Feb. 6. (This will be the
Year of the Snake).
Roman (Ab Urbe Condita) — 2741, starting Jan. 14.
Nabonassar (Babylonian) — 2738, starting April 26.
Japanese — 2649, starting Jan. 1.
Grecian (Seleucidae) — 2301, starting Sept. 14.
Diocletian — 1706, starting Sept. 11.
Indian (Saka) — 1911, starting March 22.
Mohammedan (Hegira) — 1410, 'starting August 3.

Quote of the year:

"I hope I stand for anti-bigotry, anti-Semitism, anti-racism.
That is what drives me?'
— George Bush

The ten worst things about
1988:

❑ Michael Dukakis never really learned how to smile.
❑ Dan Quayle did.
❑ It became chic either to have AIDS or know some-
one who did.
❑ Everyone cared about three whales in the Arctic
for a week, then promptly forgot about them and
let the world-wide slaughter of whales continue.
❑ U.S. high school students named foul-mouthed
comic Eddie Murphy as their "Top Hero" in a
World Almanac poll.
❑ "Being articulate" was the last quality listed by
high school students when asked for the attributes
of a "hero!'
❑ The National Champion American Elm in Sebrell,
Va., was discovered to have Dutch Elm disease
and was "dethroned" as the largest of its species.

A half dozen Jewish flash-
points of 1988:

❑ An Orthodox Jew from Canada, Stephen Mernick,
bought the PThs Heritage USA Theme Park after
Jim and Tammy Faye Baker were unable to raise
the funds to buy it back.
❑ Jonathan Tisch and Laura Steinberg were wed in
New York. The cost of their wedding? A cool $2
million.
❑ American Jewry, infuriated at the prospect of
Israel's parliament amending the Law of Return,
sent endless delegations to Israel to lobby against
it. The good part: El Al was crowded for awhile.
❑ Black-Jewish relations deteriorated in Chicago
after mayoral aide Steve Cokely charged that
AIDS "is a result of doctors, especially Jewish
ones, who inject AIDS into blacks!'
❑ New York Mayor Ed Koch did his part for
brotherhood by announcing that any Jew who
would vote for Jesse Jackson must be "crazy!'
❑ Fundamentalists opposed to the showing of "The
Last Temptation of Christ" blamed not the film's
Catholic director but the Jewish head of the pro
duction firm's parent company.

❑ Sixty-eight U.S. cities failed to meet federal stan-
dards for air cleanliness.
❑ The average American used 168 gallons of water
each day, including two gallons of water while
brushing teeth and 15 gallons while shaving.
❑ The Detroit Lions.

The two best things about
1988:

❑ Rageshree Ramachandran, 13,-of Fair Oaks, Calif.,
won the National Spelling Bee Championship by
correctly spelling "elegiacal."
❑ Cocker spaniels still topped registration figures of
the American Kennel Club.

THE DETROIT JEWISH NEWS

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