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Art By Barbara Kiwak
Traveling Kosher
Most airline passengers seem to have few
problems with their kosher meals. But I appear
to be the exception to the rule.
ANN GOLDBERG
Special to The Jewish News
T
he stewardess, in her
neat British Airways
uniform, hovered at my
shoulder. She coughed a cou-
ple of times, then tapped me
gently on my arm. "Excuse
me," she almost whispered,
"I'm terribly sorry for dis-
turbing you, but could you
possibly tell me what it is I'm
not supposed to give you
now."
I looked at her blankly. "I
beg your pardon?"
"I'm really awfully sorry,
it's just that as you are Jew-
ish, there's something you're
not supposed to have now,
58 FRIDAY, DECEMBER 23, 1988
isn't there?"
Suddenly I understood.
"You mean milk! As we've
just had a meat meal, I'm not
allowed milk in my coffee —
is that it?"
A look of relief crossed her
face. "Oh yes, that's it. [knew
there was something. Thanks
a million." And off she went,
secure in the knowledge that
she was not going to allow
any of her Jewish passengers
to sin!
Ironically, I was longing for
a cup of coffee with milk but
there was no way that I could
now confuse or disillusion the
poor stewardess. On this
occasion, I was travelling dur-
ing the "Nine Days" when
Orthodox Jews do not eat
meat, except on Shabbat,
since it is a time of mourning
(commemorating the destruc-
tion of the Thmple). However,
when I booked my flight I
had forgotten to check that
my kosher meal would be a
non-meat meal. I had been
left the usual one and had
simply eaten the non-meat
parts of it.
Most passengers encounter
little problem with their
kosher meals but I seem to be
the exception. There was the
time the stewardess asked all
those who had ordered kosher
to raise their hands so that
she could distribute them. I
raised mine and suddenly, the
man in the adjacent seat mut-
tered to himself, "Oh, kosher.
I haven't eaten kosher in
years." And he thrust his
hand in the air, quite obvious-
ly indicating a sudden deci-
sion and not a prior order.
As the stewardess neared
our row at the back of the
plane, a frown creased her
forehead. "Oh, dear, I only
seem to have one left," she
said. "I'm very sorry, there
must have been a mistake."
I heaved a sigh. It must be
time for my "mitzvah of the
month," I thought to myself.
Who knows? If he enjoys this
meal, he may even go back to
eating kosher all the time.
I passed my meal over to
him. "You have it. I'm not
hungry really." He grasped it
delightedly before I could
change my mind. I just hope
he appreciated it!
Of course, traveling El Al
means avoiding such prob-
lems, or so you would imag-
ine. Well, all the food is
kosher, isn't it? Yes, but there
is kosher and kosher, and
whether you call it glatt,
mehadrin or kedassia, many
passengers want to make sure
that their meal is the most
kosher possible.
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In my experience, most air-
lines tend to distribute their
"extra koshers" first but El
Al, for some reason, prefers to
leave the "odd" ones to the
end. On my last flight, a pas-
senger near me seemed about
to drop his kashrut standards
in the interest of appeasing
his hunger. "I'm starving," he
moaned. "If they don't serve
the glatt stuff soon, I'm just
going to have to settle for or-
dinary kosher or die waiting."
The other problem on the
run out of 1bl Aviv is the ap-
parently unwritten rule that
it is forbidden to sit still in
your own seat for more than
three consecutive minutes.
Airplanes are quite obvious-
ly the best place for meeting
old friends and catching up
on gossip. Consequently, the
passengers stand in the aisles
and hang over the seats, clog-
ging passage amid a hubbub
of noise.
For those who, like me,
would actually prefer a few
hours of peace and quiet,
there's only one flight worse
than the one out of Tel Aviv.
The return trip home. Then,
everyone must find out what
the others managed to buy,
where they bought it, how
much they paid (and by how
much it was reduced), where
they stayed and what their
rich relatives are doing.
I have it on good authority
that many non-Jewish airline
crew members go to great
lengths to avoid the "Jewish"
run. Not for any anti-Semitic
reasons. It's just that they
find it almost impossible to
"control" their passengers. It
isn't just the constant move-
ment of 90 percent of the pas-
sengers around the aircraft
but also the added hazard of
the "prayer groups."
No matter what time the
flight leaves, you can guaran-
tee that just when the crew
wants to distribute food or
duty free goods, someone will
be "collecting the men" and
blocking the aisles for some
prayer or another.
I can well remember on one
flight the long suffering voice
that came over the PA system
in the beautifully clipped
tones of the Queen's English.
"Ladies and gentlemen. I
really don't like to have to say
this, but if you don't all sit
down immediately, there will
be no lunch!"
Can you imagine him need-
ing to talk to his passengers
like that on any other route?
Ann Goldberg is a writer
who lives in Jerusalem.